Kids, Health and Cute: Wham!

Wham!

By Omar Khalaf - 28/09/2017 01:30

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 108

You deserved it 404

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Same thing different taste

By MommyProblems - 19/01/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 026

You deserved it 6 857

By Viciousvixen_21 - 02/04/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 665

You deserved it 12 243

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 197

You deserved it 4 736

By uterurist - 22/11/2014 18:37 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 846

You deserved it 2 909

By Annoymous - 03/09/2009 10:19 - Australia

Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 488

You deserved it 5 805

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 546

You deserved it 4 689

By bbbkingsey - 23/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 873

You deserved it 4 371

By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 05:38 - United States - Albany

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 751

You deserved it 6 435

By anon - 23/03/2015 02:24 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 323

You deserved it 2 926

By nosexforthee - 23/01/2015 19:25 - United States - Katy

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 635

You deserved it 7 980

Samantha Glennie 25

Tuesday 26 September 2017 22:22

They're little darlings aren't they

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 28 September 2017 1:59

He really doesn’t want any siblings! Crafty little bastard!

Comments

Samantha Glennie 25

Tuesday 26 September 2017 22:22

They're little darlings aren't they

Zehir_fml 10

Thursday 28 September 2017 1:36

They call those years "The Terrible Tots" for a reason.

mattyiscool123 26

Thursday 28 September 2017 3:57

It’s the terrible two’s

Talented73 54

Thursday 28 September 2017 9:03

If you were talking about a female it would be "the terrible twats".

Glowworm56 26

Thursday 28 September 2017 1:57

He's only two years old and he's already mastered the art of trolling.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 28 September 2017 1:59

He really doesn’t want any siblings! Crafty little bastard!

Donut_Wizard 23

Thursday 28 September 2017 3:08

You just got cup checked by a 3 year old.

Lobby_Bee 17

Thursday 28 September 2017 6:12

Nut sacked.

Talented73 54

Thursday 28 September 2017 9:03

That's nuts!

Kurliez408 32

Thursday 28 September 2017 10:39

Did you piss off your S/O? It sounds to me like your son got orders from a higher ground.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said, "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 704

You deserved it 16 738

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I'd left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 306

You deserved it 3 970

The Top

Today, I had a phone interview for a job I've had my eye on forever. I was dumped a few hours before the interview, but was okay until I was put on hold with music playing. Me and my boyfriend's song came on and I started bawling. I could hardly talk when they took me off hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 369

You deserved it 9 941

Today, I made my way to a bar for a first date with a guy I had been talking to online. It turned out he was actually my ex-boyfriend in disguise, trying to get revenge for dumping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 124

Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 198

You deserved it 5 789

Who's employee of the month?

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 148

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 850

You deserved it 61 917

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 140

You deserved it 1 164

Wham!

Same thing different taste

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