By notabeliever - 29/07/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
I agree, your life sucks 28 736
You deserved it 7 200

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Tofu cake? magic healing crystals? Homeopathic remedies? Who buys stuff like that

Chocolate teapot? o_o


iloveyou1266 4

that's wonderful (:

oreobunbun 3

why did she have a tofu cake to throw at you?

Wonderful... that's one way to put it. I prefer glaringly stupid ^^

husband knows best. ;)

"Healing" Crystals? Dude your wife is on crack

Andrew1122 0

hahahahaha I get it the teapot would melt if it was made out of chocolate so therefore neither of those products work

Throw a crab cake at her if you get my riff.

Cereal_Is_Good 5

At least she didn't throw dangerous shit like regular cake.

Mehhh she means meth but they only make you feel worse

zendaddy0 0

When they throw things or yell "shut up" you won the argument

Yeah. They don't have another rebuttal, so they just resort to doing something such as that.

Chocolate teapot? o_o

you should be glad she threw a piece of the cake and not the whole cake :p

Am I the only one that would flick the piece back? Then make a joke about playing with her food. Meh, maybe it's just me.

a chocolate teapot??? Where have I been all these years?!?????!!!

The words "tofu" and "cake" should never appear next to each other.

i dont think tofu shud appear anywhere xP

TheChampagneBoi 5

i dont think tofu should even be catagorized as food

I'm a vegetarian and I like tofu !

skyttlz 32

I'm with 167

MerrikBarbarian 9

it's a metaphor for something useless. chocolate melts when heated. therefore a teapot made of chocolate would be useless. get it now?

Don't be hating on tofu. It comes soy beans which is used for soy sauce, and all of you love soy sauce.

167, being a vegetarian is terrible. Honestly it shows that you are weak minded and if times were different, you would not survive. I hope my comment makes you mad. - love, Liberals Everywhere

MCVelvet1497 3

I'm a little teapot, short and spout(:

kcircuses2 4

it's "short and stout"

haha geez know your childhood songs better!

im a chocolate tea pot and I'm three inches bigger then the other teapots here is my handle=====================> here is my spout. penis.

MyNameIsHermione 0

52, you mean that's actually size

ow you got owned #52

who the fuck are you married to?

kcircuses2 4

your mom

oh your so fucking mature

@ 20: Aha, now I get it. OP told his wife that she bought crap and she got mad. Keep up the good work, OP! You get my blessings.

McAninch35 9

33 fails. Hard.

50- Why? She's right.

Tofu cake? magic healing crystals? Homeopathic remedies? Who buys stuff like that

leemurcat 5

Reminds me of Ben Stiller's mother on "Meet the Fockers"

hah good old Barbra Streisand

hey :) message me

Wiccans for one

lindseyluvszac 4

Hippie! Wiccan! But seriously your wife sounds awesome and your a fat ass for suggesting a chocolate teapot. Done :)

OP didn't do anything. The wife is saying that instead of wasting her money on that stuff she would have been better off buying a chocolate teapot instead

kaykay20 0

Seems to me the husband was saying that not the wife. So yes he did do something wrong and that was saying that all those remedies were a waste of money (at least in the wife's mind). Her throwing a piece of cake for stating his thoughts about it was a bit much though.

Yeah I reread it after I posted and realized that. 4:30 AM and tired.

Since when are "Hippie" and "Wiccan" interchangeable?

X_Codes 11

This isn't about being Wiccan. Homeopathic remedies are a scam, and while crystals can be nice, there's no need in Wicca to constantly buy more of them. Hell, there's really not even a need to buy them at all. That said, OP still deserves it for marrying a weirdo.

Just because tofu gets mentioned, doesn't mean vegans are involved.

people don't buy tofu for the taste. if they do, they fail life.

SeedlessMe 13

Sorry people, but homeopathic remedies are just things found in nature that actually do sometimes help. You guys want to trust the things that man made? Good luck with that, but if you live in the US, you should know that the FDA is the Real scam!! Educate yourselves, ~knowledge is power~

#117 You must be pretty powerless then. Most homeopathic solutions are so diluted the chances of them having even a molecule of what they are supposed to have is less then .00001%. Homeopathy is a sham.

#117 You must be pretty powerless then. Most homeopathic solutions are so diluted the chances of them having even a molecule of what they are supposed to have is less then .00001%. Homeopathy is a sham.

homeopathic remedies and alternative medicine are the scam here. same as god or any higher being whose excistance cant be proven. go look up 'storm' by Tim Minchin. also, sorry for any miss-spelling or grammatical errors. im only fifteen. but if you plan on arguing with me, dont use my age as a defense.

How did homeopathy and higher powers make it into the same arguement? You can easily prove or disprove whether homeopathy actually works. You can not prove or disprove higher powers with the scientific method.

badmamajama123 0

im going to be a new age healer one day, and science has PROVEN that the human body vibrates on certain levels, and crystals vibrate on seperate, higher levels. different crystals vibrate on different levels, and the different levels can help different problems like, deppression, headaches, skeletal problems, body aches. they can also help increase focus, and open your chakras (which for you skeptics, chakras has allso been scientifically proven.) so please, tell me science has proven me wrong, i dare you. =)

badmamajama123 0

141- it is real science that has proven it, dear. Im not saying they help RIGHT away, it takes time to adjust to the energy they give off and to absorb the energy and vibrations. they do work. i assure you that. they work on a metaphysical level.

badmamajama123 0

and also, i know they do not change genetics, i never said that. they reduce pain and help correct the issue. new age healing is not a substitute for seeing a docter, or taking perscribed medicine. it just helps work with them.

sorry:) they always end up in the same arguments for me, so it's kind of an automatic thing to include god.

You obviously have no idea what science is. Anyway, if it happens so slowly and in such small amounts, it could easily be 1) someone naturally getting better, because that's something that's ACTUALLY scientifically proven to happen, or 2) a placebo. Seeing as you're so convinced that real science has proven alternative medicine, feel free to point out examples of papers and studies and such. I actually remember reading about a girl who pretty much disproved a major concept of alternative medicine at age 9. She had a bunch of practitioners/"psychics" try to determine whether she was holding her hand over their left hand or their right when their hands were placed through a divider so that they couldn't actually see hers. Based on the idea that they can detect and manipulate "vibrations" or "energies" to cure the sick, they should have known exactly where her hand was. Not only did they fail at figuring out which hand hers was near (I think they got something like slightly less than 50% on average, which a normal person or a coin flip could easily do), they couldn't even tell whether her hand was there at all. So it really is utter crap, especially considering that it's only one of many studies on alternative medicine that have proven it wrong. Please, PLEASE don't waste your time and money when you could ACTUALLY help people. Get a degree in medicine or donate to a charity, don't just wave your hands around people commending them to be healthy!

Ok then, so explain how it works. How does a vibration cure depression. Give us all the details! Cite sources! Don't be shy. Surely you've done a lot of research in this field, so give us a clear explanation of how a bloody "vibration" or "energy" can fix things, because if you actually bothered to use your brain you'd realize that it would either have little to no effect on a person or have an equal chance of helping AND hurting them. You stupid waste of space.

MerrikBarbarian 9

oh thank god someone figured that out! I was seriously wondering how much the education system fails when no one seems to know a metaphor anymore.

HarHarHar learn before you talk, you clearly don't know what homeopathic medicine is.

badmamajama123 0

Okay, the body has an energy field around it. When there is an inbalance in the energy field, or aura, it will cause, deppression, always being tired, or having insomnia, stomach aches, headaches, etc... A new age healer can use different forms of healing such as, crystal healing, reiki, using herbs to make sauves or elixers, etc.. It can heal them right away, or a couple hours or maybe a day or two. And to your "psychics are bullshit" statement, there have been research shkwing when psychics tune in, they go from alpha waves to beta or delta. Psychics are real.

All you're showing is that "psychics" go into a kind of trance/change the levels of activity in their brains. Anyone can do that, and it has no effect on your surroundings. How do you explain the fact that the "psychics" were unable to locate the girl's "aura" then? Where is your scientific evidence for auras? Or evidence that auras cause depression, illness, etc? I always thought that depression and illness were caused by chemical imbalances and microbes, silly me. It honestly sounds like you're making stuff up when you talk about auras/energies/whatever as though they're scientific fact without referring to studies. I could do that. I believe that depression and illness occur when the Flying Spaghetti Monster's invisible noodly appendages get tangled around your soul. Doesn't that sound totally legit? Now I'm going to sell you water and claim that it can magically untangle the soul-noodles, and I'm definitely not just trying to take your money.

184 - Maybe because it's not real and not supported by science, and it's hard to define and measure something fictional. OR because as soon as one claim about alternative medicine is proven to be wrong, people come up with like five new ones. OR because I wasn't talking about homeopathic stuff when I mentioned the girl's study. The "locating the aura" thing doesn't have to do with homeopathic medicine (even though that's fake as well,) it has to do with the idea behind "vibrating crystals" which were also mentioned in this FML.

196 - Ugh, my comment didn't post, so I'll just summarize. Auras aren't scientifically proven to exist. "Bad auras" don't cause depression, sleep disorders, or illness, chemical imbalances, microbes, etc. do. Brain waves just show how much activity is going on in the brain, but they don't affect other people (if they did, why haven't we figured out how to communicate psychically or mastered telekinesis yet?) Anyone can go into a "trance", which is pretty much what you described. You did not address the girl's study in which "psychics" were unable to locate the girl's "aura." You did not give any examples of studies that have shown that alternative medicine has any effect on a sick person that is neither a placebo effect or the person naturally getting better.

LoonyPheebs 0

Vegans were never mentioned...

beaudashiz 0

Scam? I use remedies for my adrenals and asthma and they're a great alternative to the steroids I used to have to take. :) And I'm from from the realm of "hippie". :P

I'd be telling her to pack her shit and get out. what a weirdo.

SeedlessMe 13

Everybody is weird... Some people just hide it better than others.. :)

So because the stuff she bought for herself doesn't work she gets mad at you? -_- I'll never understand women

iianalove987 7

We are complicated beings. :)

Mipz 2

I'm a wiman and I agree. :3

pivotmasterDM1 0

what's a wiman?

Wait, I don't get it. SHE bought a bunch of useless things, then SHE starts complaining that she could have bought something more usefull with that money and then SHE throws cake at you, who didn't did a thing wrong. Strange world do you live in.

oreokitty95 0

No, the wife is the one who bought the stuff and threw the tofu cake. OP was the one who said his wife might as well have just bought a chocolate teapot.

Oh I read it wrong too then. I thought she realized she bought useless crap and got mad at OP

EvilDave 13

There is nothing wrong with stating a waste of money is a waste of money. His wife is an idiot.

I think Op might have said what he said in a condescending way and that's why his wife got mad

u guys didnt read it wrong.. the way its written, thts wut it suggests

You married a fruity loop congrats. Does she try and raise the dead? Put salt around your bed? Watch too much supernatural? Did she finish school or listen?