Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML
Today, for our anniversary, I asked what my wife wanted and she said not to bother spending money, so I didn’t, and she called me a tight git. Then for her birthday I bought her a gift anyway and she had a go at me for ignoring her wishes and wasting money. I literally cannot win. FML
Today, after reading about microplastics and taking a look at our ratty plastic containers, I tossed them all and spent some money buying some decent glass containers. My wife spent the evening giving me a metric ton of shit because apparently the crappy plastic containers were "sentimental." Fucking spare me. FML
Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML
Today, I gave my wife a £55 gin Advent calendar. She gave me a £1 one with chocolates i don't like. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML
Today, my wife was painting in the garage when she unplugged a random plug to charge her stupid, smelly vape without thinking about what it was she was unplugging. It was the large chest freezer. About £500 in meat and the entire bottom tier of our wedding cake defrosted and ruined. FML
Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML
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Top comments
EffTrae 0
Tofu cake? magic healing crystals? Homeopathic remedies? Who buys stuff like that
NitroTonicsFML 4
Chocolate teapot? o_o
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Comments (229)
EvilDave 13
YDI for marrying an idiot, but still FYL
waveman56 3
a chocolate teapot would at least be money well spent, it sounds delicious
mimination_fml 3
doesn't matter or not if it works, you're still not respecting her beliefs. And if it's her money (not both), she can do whatever she wants with it
MistressCaitlyn 7
I'm glad someone brought this up. Regardless or whether or not it's all mumbo-jumbo and the wife is or is not crazy, OP isn't supporting her beliefs at all. She has the right to believe whatever she wants, and as her spouse, he should be allowing her the room to do just that. If it happens to be an issue of finances being tight, perhaps it could have been approached a little more delicately?
tona01 16
well i think you two are both right and wrong, the husband could support her ideas, because she believes in it and keep lying to himself, or state his opinion on the matter which he did, maybe he did it in a blunt fashion
broomhildo 19
OP is doing her a favor by saying something. Soon she'll burn through her savings buying useless crap.
zolziski 11
Sure, perhaps he should have been a little more tactful in his approach, but I think throwing something (even if it is "just cake") at someone because they "insulted your beliefs" is crossing a line. Next time she could be holding something more dangerous. Where do you draw the line?
Ugi 27
If you believe that your life depends upon you having that next bottle of scotch or placing that next bet, your partner should not be supporting your beliefs! There is a difference between something nutty but essentially harmless, like most religions or belief that wizards really live amongst us, and believing something that could cause them genuine harm. If the OP's wife takes a homeopathic remedy in place of her malaria meds (as some homeopaths have advocated) he could be letting her die. Is that the action of a loving spouse? In general, I agree with you, but a certain degree of judgment is appropriate.
peacefully84 19
Don't stick it in the crazy.
Tesaatje 12
hmm tofu cake
ScuseMePrincess 2
OP, your wife sounds like a moron, ergo she probably doesn't have a job, ergo "her" money is probably money that you earned. I hope she's cute, at least.
zunnigirl23 0
my mom has that stuff. but not the teapot. lol
bankrupt 15
Congrats, OP, you married an absolute ******* moron who is easily led into crackpot ideas which she will defend to the death but can't see plain old common sense. I hope no Jehovah's Witnesses show up on your doorstep or she will be converted on the spot.
xStaciexLynnx 15
Don't comment about something you have no idea about. I'm not a Jehovah's Witness but I've learned about and respect all religions. They're no different than any other Christian except for the fact that they ACTUALLY follow what the bible says.
monnanon 14
actually they are completly different and do not refer to themselves as Christians at all. They do not celebrate xmas, they believe the bible tells them to tell everyone about Jehovah (hence the house call thing) and do not believe in blood transfusions,smoking or anything else that would "defile" the gift that is your body. No i am not one but I had a long discussion with a large group that were staying where i work.
krysxkatastrophe 14
Maybe it's a religious thing for her? I know people who buy that stuff because it's spiritual to them. If that's the case, YDI. If it's because she's a wannabe new-ager then FYL.
mismonroe 0
The real issue with this FML is that your cake is made out of tofu.