Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML
Today, for our anniversary, I asked what my wife wanted and she said not to bother spending money, so I didn’t, and she called me a tight git. Then for her birthday I bought her a gift anyway and she had a go at me for ignoring her wishes and wasting money. I literally cannot win. FML
Today, after reading about microplastics and taking a look at our ratty plastic containers, I tossed them all and spent some money buying some decent glass containers. My wife spent the evening giving me a metric ton of shit because apparently the crappy plastic containers were "sentimental." Fucking spare me. FML
Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML
Today, I gave my wife a £55 gin Advent calendar. She gave me a £1 one with chocolates i don't like. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML
Today, my wife was painting in the garage when she unplugged a random plug to charge her stupid, smelly vape without thinking about what it was she was unplugging. It was the large chest freezer. About £500 in meat and the entire bottom tier of our wedding cake defrosted and ruined. FML
Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EffTrae 0
Tofu cake? magic healing crystals? Homeopathic remedies? Who buys stuff like that
NitroTonicsFML 4
Chocolate teapot? o_o
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (229)
jawaqueen 1
Lol wow
yellowboy30 0
tbitch be trippin
cetlawizard 15
yeah, cause chocolate teapots are awesome! you go op!
ChucknorrisisGod 6
I'm pretty sure I modded this! :)
evilalex 4
thank you us wiccans have cirten rituals that are more important than a chocholate teapot
IAmTheHeavens 0
Okay so she is a Wiccan? Big ******* deal.
ham25 0
tofu cake?
quadder 0
you sure married a winner there, and tofu cake, just when I thought that was the one thing that would never get ****** up by tofu, it's a sad day knowing the hippies, yuppies, vegans, are multiplying
Levvy 22
Oh, shoot. When was a law passed saying only vegans can like tofu? Somebody needs to warn the millions of hardcore meat-eaters who still enjoy it before they're all arrested!
RiverRayne 9
So you insult your wifes beliefs and get pissed when she defends herself? Maybe if you opened yourself up to other opinions, rather then only your own, your wife wouldn't throw tofu cake at you.
Levvy 22
And it'd be more respectful to lie to her about it working? I thought honesty was a greater show of respect than putting up a mask.
saintdalman 4
and if she got cancer and refused treatment because she wanted to use homeopathic methods instead? Your way of thinking is horrible, love is about actually CARING about what happens to someone, not just "opening up" to their stupid beliefs.
nataliedee 0
homeopathy works for cancer patients. just so you know :)
Daralea 21
95 and 122, there is a big difference between letting someone know your different opinions and beliefs, and just insulting your loved one's.
Radicalposture 2
No, no it doesn't. In fact, it's never been proven to work for anyone. On the contrary, numerous studies have shown that it does nothing at all. Look up the homeopathy mass suicide to see how effective it actually was.
Levvy 22
Does it, Natalie? Where was this study published? Or is this just what your friendly neighborhood homeopath told you that you accepted because it affirmed your existing beliefs?
zolziski 11
In that kind of a situation "defending herself" (i.e. her beliefs) would be explaining how it works and why she believes it to be valid and not a waste of money. Throwing something at someone is physical abuse. He "attacked" her beliefs (with words), not her. She retaliated physically. Clearly a little touchy on the validity of her beliefs.
Levvy 22
A hussy fit? Is that when an "easy" woman gets upset?
drdna 0
I knew it, health nuts are just plain nuts
tykiej 0
Truth hurts. At least the tofu cake didnt.