Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Same thing different taste
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Cristal mommies
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML
Never enough
Today, for our anniversary, I asked what my wife wanted and she said not to bother spending money, so I didn’t, and she called me a tight git. Then for her birthday I bought her a gift anyway and she had a go at me for ignoring her wishes and wasting money. I literally cannot win. FML
Unilateral decision
Today, after reading about microplastics and taking a look at our ratty plastic containers, I tossed them all and spent some money buying some decent glass containers. My wife spent the evening giving me a metric ton of shit because apparently the crappy plastic containers were "sentimental." Fucking spare me. FML
Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML
Equality
Today, I gave my wife a £55 gin Advent calendar. She gave me a £1 one with chocolates i don't like. FML
Touch crowd
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Low blow
Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML
In the zone
Today, my wife was painting in the garage when she unplugged a random plug to charge her stupid, smelly vape without thinking about what it was she was unplugging. It was the large chest freezer. About £500 in meat and the entire bottom tier of our wedding cake defrosted and ruined. FML
Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML
Top comments
EffTrae 0
Tofu cake? magic healing crystals? Homeopathic remedies? Who buys stuff like that
NitroTonicsFML 4
Chocolate teapot? o_o
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Comments (229)
kewpiesuicide 29
I'm a massage therapist so I know tons of people who say shit like "I charge my stones under the power of the moon". Yeah, sure you do Merlin. But massage, accupunture and chiropractic are all concidered homeopathic and are all valid professions.
scr_sensei 14
Perhaps you should be more sure of the definition of a word before you apply it to yourself. Massage therapy is considered part of alternative or complementary medicine, not homeopathic medicine. Homeopathy is specifically the use of highly dilute solutions to treat various health problems. Homeopathic medicine is a type of alternative/complementary medicine, but not all alternative medicines are homeopathy. Now, in regards to many of the other commenters — while I agree that homeopathic remedies are a highly dubious and scientifically unverified (real science, mind you — following clear, repeatable methodologies and subject to stringent peer review), there is no need to be so zealous in your decrying of it. The same can be said for the other side. No one wants to hear what you say if you call them stupid, ignorant, blind, or closed-minded first. A little mutual respect goes a long way...
Radicalposture 2
Fair enough, but how can you respect this sort of drivel? Particularly when some people actually believe it, and forgo real medicine in favour of a placebo that can't possibly cure their ailment? Does that sort of scam deserve respect? It's idiocy that's actually doing harm to gullible people. Surely that's worthy of scorn, if anything is.
Lizardbits 0
well, I half agree with you. healing stones or whatever are bullshit. but do a little research on homeopathic remedies and you will see that they do in fact work. I've been using them all my life, and I DONT believe in the "supernatural" and all that. I believe in science.
Radicalposture 2
There is no science in homeopathy. It doesn't work. It's nonsense. If you take an active ingredient and dilute it with water so many times that there isn't a single molecule of that ingredient left, it's just water. That's science. Magical water memory effects are not science.
nataliedee 0
I heard that homeopathoc remedies actually work very well. I don't see how it could've been spent better on a chcolate teapot...
Radicalposture 2
They don't. They can't. The whole premise is ridiculous. It's just water or sugar. Honestly, it can't possibly work. There's nothing in it. Not a single molecule of active ingredient. Just read the Wikipedia page to get an idea of the premise, and how ludicrous it is.
monnanon 14
ah wikipedia, now thats a good source for proving/disproving something. Aside from that if homeopathy works for someone then why tell them it doesn't? you don't know what was treated by these remedies. As for the dilution thing I thought homeopathic stuff was made from base ingreadients like zinc and achiccianea (how the F@@! do you spell that) instead of the harsher chemical based medication but i was thinking of alternative medicine. Isn't the dilution idea the same as vaccination. They give us a dead strain of measles and in most cases we never catch it. It that is the principle then how can homeopathy not work?
Levvy 22
That analogy is so utterly ridiculous I am actually momentarily flabbergasted for how to respond to it, but here we go. Consciously simplifying this a bit: The immune system, when it encounters hostile bacteria, makes a "record" of it and starts to produce antibodies tailored to fight this particular invasive organism. That is the principle behind immunizations. It's also why diseases with very very low mutation rates, like chicken pox, tend to be one-time things - you're exposed once, you have a full army of antibodies adapted for it next time it comes around. So, a "sample" of a hostile organism is all your body needs to start adapting its immune response Homeopathy, however, relies around taking something that MIGHT help fight diseases (and might not, but that in and of itself is a separate topic completely), putting a tiny sample of it in a huge amount of water, then selling the rest of that water - because according to this theory, water "remembers" material it encounters (this has never been proven). Even if your dose DID happen to contain a single molecule of the 'cure' instead of just being water with nothing else in it, and even if the material in question WERE a good cure/treatment for what's ailing you, then you run aground of the fact that one or two molecules of the material aren't going to be enough to make a difference. The immune system doesn't go "Oh! I bet this is a cure!" and start synthesizing the material. It is not the same thing as antibody manufacture. And experiments HAVE demonstrated that, yes, the less of a treatment material you use, the less effective it is. For one example of the experiments demonstrating this, check out DOI 10.1111/1539-6924.00331.
Radicalposture 2
Since Levvy addressed the ridiculous claim that homeopathy is the same as vaccination, I'll settle for saying that Wikipedia doesn't in any way prove or disprove things, but it does explain the premise of homeopathy. If you can still take it seriously after reading the description of the premise of this alternative "medicine" then there's no hope for you at all. If you're concerned about the validity of Wikipedia's description of the premise of homeopathy, use any other source you like. The premise is the same; i.e. complete nonsense.
hamsterbait 0
that's what you get for dating a hippie
AutomatonRider 0
haha bitches be trippin
Bboy_DiSpirit 24
at least its only tofu haha
whatever222 3
I guess those things aren't working for her
sexy_geek 5
yeah shes a **** for that
Wynthos 2
First rule of marriage: NEVER tell the truth to your spouse.
tomthedon 0
slap day bitch