Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
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Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
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Top comments
Brenda37 13
She was afraid your junk was too meaty. Take it as a compliment.
MisterMichael 9
Just dip your junk into green dye...problem solved
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Comments (215)
007type 26
It doesn't count untill you swallow.
ebonyirony 29
It's more ladylike to swallow, I always say.
newmandotcom 6
I would gladly let you be a lady....
stephan18 23
101 - you meant to say "It's always more ladylike to swallow, I always do"? x))
PvtParts417 15
So if I give another guy a ******** it's not gay unless I swallow?
torbey 23
haha maybe I should turn vegan so I can use this excuse!
fuzz97 23
Go for it, if you want to look like a complete moron
torbey 23
clearly a joke :) ...swear people on this site have no sense of humour lol
mikeofthunder 13
No. People on this site are just stupid. That's not excluding me btw
laughmaster 9
It died along with common sense
menacingsprite 3
Haha I was thinking this EXACT same thing.
somewizdom 15
Tell her it's a zero fat meal plus she'll get the required protein at the end. Sounds like a win-win situation.
person961 9
Semen is also good for your teeth, so it will also start to improve her dental hygiene.
007type 26
Put a yellow condom on, its as good as banana. And if you shake it, you get to swallow fresh protein shake.
GothicAngel17 24
A banana-flavored yellow condom? ;D
CustardAndPie 13
#60; those actually taste more like banana flavoured medicine than anything particularly pleasant, and so probably wouldn't help the situation much. xD
_wraith 15
WOW.... I love banana flavoured medicine... Hater.
BunBunBabe 8
Yeah if he wanted his dick shaken around like a banana.. But he wanted head
Klefhomacked 11
No one's asking her to bite off your dick and eat it. Unless she thinks that's what a ******* is...
hadrian2012 2
If that is her idea then perhaps her refusal to blow the kielbasa is in the best interest of all parties concerned
missyj0 12
lol.. blow the kielbasa. That's a first.
nightowl713 25
She probably meant swallowing, because technically she would be consuming a living thing. I doubt she meant to actual act of it.
monocyte 4
Right?! She's not eating any meat. If anything, it's more environmental and rewarding in so many ways, having to work for a snack of simple proteins and sugar? :) I think I've just convinced myself to become vegan
hunteredmundson 17
That's vegetarians that don't eat meat!!! Vegans don't eat any animal product!!!
patrickalamo 47
Babies are not vegan either. So se never plans to conceive? Correct?
LittleGreenPaola 23
Seems like she took the expression "eating sb out" literally.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Eating sb out? What's that?
seasonedtoast 19
Does it mean somebody? Honestly the alphabet is there to be used. All the letters. Not just some sometimes.
LittleGreenPaola 23
Sorry, I was in a hurry. You're so strict...
ambowew 7
Would have taken longer to figure out what to replace somebody with.
TheCrazyEye 6
That's not cool
zandalee 19
Your girlfriend is either an idiot or is just making up an excuse due to the fact that she doesn't want your dick in her mouth...
mikeofthunder 13
Based on this FML , I'm guessing this vegan doesn't plan on doing a lot of things