Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
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Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
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Top comments
Brenda37 13
She was afraid your junk was too meaty. Take it as a compliment.
MisterMichael 9
Just dip your junk into green dye...problem solved
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Comments (215)
scottysnuts 2
Time to say goodbye to her bro.
boycrazy30007 12
You deserve it for expecting one. It's degrading for you to expect her to do that.
Dilwann 27
I agree that she has the right to refuse, just like he has the right to refuse going down on her. Nevertheless, it's not fun to hear and an obvious excuse.
Zachthejoker 10
Vegans can't eat anything that has a face.
bjf10 22
Clearly the OP's girlfriend doesn't understand the concept of "consent"...
medichick 5
Tell her since she doesn't eat meat, she needs the protein.
ladybuglet 22
Don't you know semen is an animal by product? That's why she won't do it. Silly vegans!
EasternAdvantage 1
10th level veganism - no eating man meat
noisebox 1
Tell her it's valuable protein she needs
noisebox 1
Your the kind of girl every guy wants to marry because you'll take care of your man it's sounds like ( add me to the long line up)
greenpixi 10
I actually asked a vegan before and they said semen is vegan because it is willingly given by the person producing it. That's me, asking the tough questions.