Intimacy: Hidden - FML

Hidden

By bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 564

You deserved it 7 350

Vulture

Leave us alone

So compassionate

By Anonymous - 17/02/2015 01:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 586

You deserved it 38 222

By nicetomeetyou2 - 25/09/2013 16:35 - Canada - Nepean

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 641

You deserved it 3 493

By MommyLovesMe - 08/03/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, I learned why my credit score is so low. My mom stole my identity almost three years ago. Her excuse? "You didn't need good credit for anything anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 627

You deserved it 3 327

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 100

You deserved it 2 560

By tramp - 10/11/2013 05:51 - United States

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 264

You deserved it 19 559

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 00:37 - Canada

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 121

You deserved it 4 111

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 329

You deserved it 35 659

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Spicy

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 690

You deserved it 8 535

By LiquorChick - 20/01/2012 08:23 - United States

Today, I was transporting liquor between stores for work. A car pulled out and cut me off, causing me to slam on my brakes. My car stopped. The 200 dollars-worth of booze did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 418

You deserved it 3 535

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 01:04

Today, my sister, who has been seeing a guy for a year, got engaged. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years and let out some not so subtle hints and he basically refused to propose. This is her second marriage in the time of my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 942

You deserved it 2 455

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 044

You deserved it 2 911

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 957

You deserved it 23 554

By aceshot97 - 06/12/2011 14:33 - Canada

Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab it, it was pulled away by a string. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was tricked by teenagers or that I tripped and fell as I went for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 430

You deserved it 7 542

By slickrick22 - 27/02/2012 02:43 - United States

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 528

You deserved it 3 913

By KingUrge - 26/04/2013 08:36 - United States - Victorville

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 332

You deserved it 9 678

By Drew - 05/08/2010 05:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 523

You deserved it 4 337

By thiswouldhappen. - 17/03/2009 02:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait til marriage. Four hours later he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 490

You deserved it 265 104

By Foreveralone17362562 - 16/04/2014 02:18 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 428

You deserved it 5 738

By saywhatnow - 25/11/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, a man stopped me to tell me I was the most beautiful woman he'd seen all day. He promptly followed that up with: "Then again, you are the only woman I've seen today, so, it can only go up from here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 414

You deserved it 3 163

By fuckoffgran - 01/08/2013 14:46 - Ireland

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 371

You deserved it 5 673

By crazybiotch - 28/05/2009 18:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 706

You deserved it 61 049

By TankTankTank - 11/09/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because I "don't know what I'm doing with my future". I've done four years in the Marines and am in the process of becoming an officer. She has a film degree which she has no interest in, works at the mall, and just moved back in with her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 600

You deserved it 3 450

By usafprog - 27/07/2009 20:08 - United States

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 527

You deserved it 22 052

By embarrassed - 21/07/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 764

You deserved it 117 401

By IntimidatorStag - 06/02/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 285

You deserved it 30 472

By Frustrated - 13/07/2019 22:30

Today, I couldn't convince my grandmother that no matter how much she called AT&T, they will not come and fix her dead computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 02:53 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 467

You deserved it 2 193

By UnderConstruction - 04/05/2012 14:34 - Canada - Pickering

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 357

You deserved it 4 260

By noname - 17/02/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 613

You deserved it 32 736

Weirdo

By ReineXre - 15/06/2016 00:00

Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 404

You deserved it 708

By Selina - 22/06/2013 22:59 - United States - Trenton

Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 716

You deserved it 5 311

By aawkward... - 09/12/2009 19:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 910

You deserved it 2 477

By poormum - 17/11/2016 11:41 - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I was unsuccessful in getting a job at a supermarket. The same supermarket I used to work at. I now have a degree but can't even get a job at a place I used to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 712

You deserved it 821

If only they hadn't learned to read…

By Anonymous - 20/09/2019 00:01

Today, I was hosting my kid's birthday party. I had a bunch of small trinkets, so I grabbed the first container I could find to put them in. It wasn’t until I went out and someone yelled, "I’ll take a heavy flow!" that I realized it was an empty tampon box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 661

By MY CAR - 15/11/2011 04:51 - United States

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 844

You deserved it 11 096

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 05:01

Today, I got a gift from my wife. It was a beautiful watch. The same exact watch I'd sold to our local jewelers for 6k. She bought it for 10k. When I told her, she said, "Hmmm, I thought it looked familiar." There goes 4K from our joint account. I could’ve thought of 4000 ways to spend that money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 628

By Anonymous - 29/06/2016 14:42 - United States - Pardeeville

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 244

You deserved it 1 227

Looks

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 06:00

Today, my mom and dad were talking about how if I lost weight, I would be attractive and have guys all over me. My dad said, “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.” It took me a while to realize they both think I’m ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 336

I'm here!

By handygirl - 31/01/2020 14:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I tried fixing my bedroom lock because the push button hadn't retracted. When I closed the door, I couldn't open it again because the spring isn't attached to the latch, so that didn't retract either. I'm locked in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 519

Marcel Duchamp would be proud

By Mxx - 12/03/2020 12:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was looking through an old box of personal artwork when I realised the entire box was damp. This was all my own art from the past 3 years, smudged and smelling of cat urine. I was supposed to showcase some of it in a competition winning gallery this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 341

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:31

You still got a blow job didn't you?

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:31

And yet she did the job anyways. She is a keeper

Comments

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:31

And yet she did the job anyways. She is a keeper

Feklfekl2222 32

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 8:52

Yeah at least she carried on! I do wonder what sort of girl has her eyes open though

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 10:11

An Awesome one!!

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 12:09

If she didn't like it she could've closed her eyes lol. I've rarely been at an angle where it's easy to look up and see their face comfortably.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 2:36

Unless your rod is tiny and she has her faced buried in your stomach then you should be able to see her and vice versa. I'm confused...

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:31

You still got a blow job didn't you?

insideoutoreo33 8

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 7:47

One question for OP, which head?

Cads1 24

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 9:18

Wow!!!!! For real? Let's just ponder the FML for a second. If you are still unsure, call in Scooby do. The mystery crew will solve it.

theperfectchild 13

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Thursday 18 June 2015 7:06

She must be good if you're making crazy faces. Who cares about the blanket then?

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:31

I guess her head game and your head game just didn't make a proper match

Ethan_Anonymous 28

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:32

She's a keeper

Zebediabolical 39

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:33

She didn't make you. You let her. Big difference.

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:33

I'd rather the guy make faces than be stone-faced cause at least it's showing he's being pleasured

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 7:33

now we got a real 'feminist' over here ppl

EyRaB 17

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 22:32

Yup you're a keeper!

bobbywilcher 13

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Friday 19 June 2015 5:23

You're amazing need more with your mindset!

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 15:40

I hope you've tried swallowing yourself before demanding that others do it.

FragrantSalmon 12

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 15:55

It's a joke calm down.

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 16:53

Don't tell the expert to calm down. Back away slowly and refrain from looking him in the eyes.

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 19:09

FragrantSalmon - You're lucky ArturoJames was here to talk some sense into you.

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 20:50

Let me clarify. A blowjob is a gift from God. I just think that when she swallows it's that much better. But as the old saying goes, Blowjobs are like pizza. Even when it's bad it's still good.

katachristic 19

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 22:35

Wrong. There are definitely bad blowjobs.

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 23:17

If you came, it was a good enough

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Thursday 18 June 2015 17:53

Okay Mr. Blowjob Expert.

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Friday 19 June 2015 3:51

It's not about expertise, it's just personal opinion.

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Saturday 20 June 2015 20:26

YES

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:33

i would be happy with the bj

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:37

a bj's a bj...

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 9:03

no matter how small. - Horton Hears a Hoe.

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:38

I don't really think many people having a big feeling of sensation have attractive faces.

daddysgirl243 21

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Sunday 21 June 2015 5:25

looking at their faces of pleasure is my favorite part

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 71

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 79