Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
Brenda37 13
She was afraid your junk was too meaty. Take it as a compliment.
MisterMichael 9
Just dip your junk into green dye...problem solved
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (215)
jaggerbaby4726 1
She doesn't NEED to give you a *******. Get over it.
dog2856710 0
thank u! at least someone agrees!
Bassist5798 0
an fml actually made Mr laughter for once!
TazInYourPantz 13
It does make sense. She doesn't want to eat his children.
HumanWiki 8
Dump her or deal with her poor diet choice.
Bastet1981 3
Why do you think it is a poor diet choice?
TopiaryOwl 18
Maybe she should dump him for his poor diet choice. Abstinence from eating suffering doesn't sound like a poor choice to me.
flutter4 7
Excuses excuses
groundzeromma 8
Time for a carnivorous girlfriend, or just a different girl friend period.
TopiaryOwl 18
Mmm yes, 100% carnivorous diet is real sexy! And shovelling all those carcasses down your throat, hot as! ???
Fisheyedfool7 2
Put some hummus on it, she'll love that.
ladyrusso55 4
You shouldn't have had a vegan gf... Ydi
drunkonduty247 1
Thats what you get for dating a hippie liberal.
graphicstyle7 17
Speaking as a female... that's an obvious excuse. And she needs to get over it and try to be a pleasing partner. None of the same for her, AND, I'd shop around if I were you.