Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
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Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
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Top comments
Brenda37 13
She was afraid your junk was too meaty. Take it as a compliment.
MisterMichael 9
Just dip your junk into green dye...problem solved
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Comments (215)
freakguy455 0
Dump her.....
All_I_Need 4
A great majority of vegans are against animal exploitation (then there's environment, health reasons in some cases and taste, same among vegetarians), since giving a ******** isn't related to animal exploitation, doesn't have a negative impact on the environment and isn't generally seen as unhealthy unless you have a STD, I guess she just doesn't like giving head and needed a excuse. Though I've read some vegans stating that they wouldn't give head to a meat-eater. Too bad, they could get their B12 supplementation there. :p (I'm a vegetarian only because I don't like meat so I don't really understand all the principles of vegans, sorry.)
TopiaryOwl 18
Principles of veganism: • Taking the life of a being that wants life is immoral and unethical - and all animal agriculture requires animal death to be profitable, not even mentioning the immeasurable cruelties suffered by such animals. • By far the largest contributor to greenhouse gas emissions is animal agriculture. Animal waste pollutes natural waterways and is responsible for the destruction of millions of acres of rainforest ever day. • Human beings are biologically plant eaters - evident through our teeth, our digestive system, and our lack of ability to kill an animal and eat it raw with our bare hands. Every essential vitamin can be consumed through eating raw, plant based food, overall contributing to a healthier, happier, longer-lived life.
TheNewGuy03 28
^ Found the vegan
Cegal 0
Well of course...Vegans don't like meat, cockmeat that is...
doctorhook86 24
Q: How do you know if someone's s vegan? A: Don't worry, they'll tell you.
keepingitnasty 15
That's the worst excuse I've heard for not wanting to preform oral. It seems like she went less vegan, and more full on stupid. Why couldn't she just say no?
janeska1231 1
I need to start using that line on my husband. Lol
Fmlsea 28
this one actually made me laugh sorry OP sucks to be you ,but maybe there's a greater meaning behind that excuse .
ogle5431 1
YDI for dating a vegan.
vucui 21
Well, guess she doesn't need to have sex at all with him then, since she'd be riding his meat. Vegan logic.
rattusrattus 18
Some vegans are happy to eat human placenta because no animals were harmed. I think the same principle applies here.
kimg0885 23
What ?? That's just gross. "would you to go out for a burger for lunch?" "nah, lets just stop by the maternity ward and pick up some fresh afterbirth."
rattusrattus 18
It's normally their own afterbirth. It's not something I'd do either, but I can see the logic.
saksxalmo 20
Actually placenta is really good for you. That's why a lot of animals eat their own placentae (?) in the wild. IIRC some non-Western cultures eat it as well. It's not *that* gross. You know what's really gross? Hot dogs.