Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
Never gonna happen
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Is this dude a puma?
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Hidden
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Disloyal!
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Giving and taking
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Spicy date
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Top comments
Brenda37 13
She was afraid your junk was too meaty. Take it as a compliment.
MisterMichael 9
Just dip your junk into green dye...problem solved
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Comments (215)
perdix 29
It's not just eating, vegans don't use animals at all. They won't wear leather or wool (even if sheep aren't killed to give us wool.) He she's true to her credo, you can't jack off anywhere in her or on her. The real story is she's ******* someone else.
jennikitten 6
I hate pedantic vegans. They swallow their own spit which is technically an animal product, as much as semen is :/
Roxxxxay 13
She probably just doesn't like your dick.
PikachuBuddy 8
I do t know if anyone wake has posted this, OP, She's not gonna eat your "meat" XD
Franorox 8
Greenday fans are few and far between but it seems we share our taste in music. I do know that sounds slightly creepy but im tired and lazy.
Franorox 8
Maybe she's just trying to be polite and doesn't want your dick in her mouth
fordneagles 34
Some vegans are just ******* stupid. I have nothing against veganism, or anyone with any particular set of beliefs, there's always that tiny few that take it too damn far and just be utterly stupid about it. Does she deny you sex as well, given she has to handle your 'meat'? Sorry OP, think you need to find someone else.
gojira666 7
Tell her to toss ur salad.
Bastet1981 3
I'm vegan, and don't see this as a problem. She's just using it as an excuse to not suck on your meat!
The_F3rris 11
Ah, to be vegan...no meat shall pass their lips ;)
Crazberry 5
I have a lot of vegetarian friends but I think this is silly. I'm thinking maybe it's an excuse because she just doesn't want to give you a bj? I myself don't think it's sexy at all when the guy I'm with asks (pesters) for one, which a lot of guys who write on here seem to do. I'll do it when I do it and he'll enjoy every second. I don't know how long you've been together but maybe try some patience and let her come around to it on her own terms? If this isn't something either one of you are willing to compromise on then maybe it's better to break up, but don't tell anyone the reason because you'll come off looking like an asshole.
Crazberry 5
Not to mention if you're a carnivore your stuff will taste nasty. Just saying, eat some fruit and veggies for awhile.
saksxalmo 20
People who eat meat aren't "carnivores"... Most of us eat fruits and vegetables as well (you don't want to get scurvy.) All humans are omnivores, some are just more okay with that than others.
TopiaryOwl 18
160 - All humans aren't omnivores. Biologically, we're 100% plant eaters. Have fun with that increased risk of cancer and heart disease. ?