Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, I spent hours cooking dinner for my date. When they arrived, they told me that I'd probably not paid much attention to their dating profile, as it clearly mentioned that they were vegan, and thus couldn't eat any of the food I'd prepared. FML
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Top comments
thelittlemissy 29
She had no cravings for your sasuage.
604 11
How rude! She totally should've mentioned that it was BYOB (bring your own bacon).
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Comments (71)
604 11
How rude! She totally should've mentioned that it was BYOB (bring your own bacon).
TrippingOnAcid 29
A meal without meat is a big missedsteak
jellybeens_fml 16
It wasn't the V he was looking for...
lifearikson 8
try it.out, you never know, you might like it.
MattM95 16
I agree with you completely. I've had some vegan food that was amazing. Most people get the idea that it's tasteless and disgusting but if you know a good cook it can be delicious.
askantik 4
This ^ In my experience, almost anyone who says "vegan food is nasty" has never really eaten a specifically vegan meal. And they tend to think that all of us just eat grass and twigs and shit like that. I love to eat just as much as the next guy and I don't miss out on delicious flavors at all. It's just like "regular" cooking-- there is good and bad depending on who made it and where you are.
Dinoman105 10
No one deserves the horror of vegan food
mageepaigeee44 15
Vegan food is awesome. You probably accidentally eat vegan food more often than you think.
TheDrifter 24
For me, accidental veganism is Doubtful. I put cream in my coffee and bacon on everything else. But vegan can be good, just avoid the chemically altered soy products and your stomach will thank you.
Dthsapprntc 23
Vegan food is damn tasty if the cook knows what he/she is doing. Just like your ordinary meat type food, even bacon, can be bland and tasteless or downright disgusting if the cook has no idea what he/she is doing. Just stay away from vegan meat substitute, it's pretty awful.........
Skyzeri 20
I'm a vegan, and can make some kickass food. I make a whopper that tastes almost like the real thing. Also a lot of things are vegan that you may eat regularly, like Oreos.
DanielleinDC 34
Depends on the analogue. Gardein is a line of analogues, some of which are pretty amazing. Tofurkey sausages are pretty good. The Match Meat, however, I don't really care for. And if she makes stir-fry, I hear that the Beyond Meat strips are scarily close to the dead chicken it replaces. I think the Today show did a feature on Beyond Meat, and the taste-testers were fooled by which was the flesh and which was the plant. It just takes a bit of practice. I've gotten really good at cooking tofu; the trick is freezing it. I also make my own seitan ("wheat meat"). #35--That's why you buy organic soy foods whenever possible.
mageepaigeee44 15
In my experience, it's been harder to screw up a vegan recipe than a regular one. I think it's easier to cook vegan and I buy local so it's cheaper too.
Soobie 10
Oreo filling contains lard, I believe, which is an animal product.
Sassie8810 9
Nope. The lard's long since been replaced by shortening. Check the ingredients list.
Blippety 23
Vegan food CAN be good, but I really wouldn't want it every day. If OP's girlfriend plans on making that a regular thing, veggies and soy frankenmeats might become unappealing quickly.
NamesIncognita 15
I agree. #3
KingreX32 21
oh dear.
AlaskanG 27
Couldn't you have come up with something better to say than that?
thelittlemissy 29
She had no cravings for your sasuage.
silvercamaro 22
If she ends up really liking vegan food, she may never again, either. FYL OP.
asparagus12 21
What a let down. Maybe you can try her vegan cooking and she can try your spiciness in the bedroom. It might be a turn on for her if you are open to it.
abzray123 7
No more meat ... None. ;)
taysalot 2
**** you
PaigeLeeAnn11 23
What a bummer. On the other hand, you may actually like the vegan cooking.
Shaowolf 17
Run away still you can! Run back to the good world of meat!
mike7800 8
you look like you enjoy some good meat
tacojauns 45
I am sorry for your loss.