Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
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Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
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Top comments
Brenda37 13
She was afraid your junk was too meaty. Take it as a compliment.
MisterMichael 9
Just dip your junk into green dye...problem solved
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Comments (215)
Jennielee 6
Technically they aren't.
_TheAtheist_ 10
My advice to you, OP. Every woman has her price. Does she want money? Commitment? Jewelry? Find out what she wants, and give it to her. A ******* will not be far off.
hotmamma55 0
dude, if that was the case then you wouldn't be able to have sex with her either because either way you are still inside her. so my conclusion from this is that she just doesn't want to give you a *******.
hotmamma55 0
i guess you couldn't have sex with her either because either way you are still inside her with your so-called "meat". so my conclusion is that she just doesn't want to give you one.
Deere1973 1
Protien Shake.....Nicey Nice ; )
redskin51 2
That's what you get for dating a vegan
sludgegirl9319 5
Lol wow. Refuse to go down on her and say you're only following her vegan ways by refusing to eat tacos.
ManiPaul 6
You deserve it got saying such an imbecile, please don't reproduce
bigtacoz 10
I believe it's time for a new gf
Joseph_hello 5
I don't know tofu anybody?