Miscellaneous: Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send... - FML

By lachaisse - United States - Vinton

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63056

You deserved it

4111

Tweet

Share

BO Central

Spooky

TMI

By vanity113 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up early to travel to the office headquarters 3.5 hours away for important meetings. After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realised I was wearing my woolen house slippers. They were the only pair of shoes I'd brought on the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44554

You deserved it

9463

Tweet

Share

By iSamsung - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to make new friends, so I sat with the lonely guy at lunch. Now he keeps following me, with his phone in a camera position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20655

You deserved it

2474

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89170

You deserved it

4360

Tweet

Share

By Sh*t - Venezuela - Caracas

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26648

You deserved it

2870

Tweet

Share

By bruised_scrotum - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54307

You deserved it

4786

Tweet

Share

By kawaiixalice - United States

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30864

You deserved it

4075

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 23:00

Dream baby dream

Today, I woke up to my father sobbing his eyes out in the kitchen. Apparently, I screamed, "DON'T TELL THEM I'M PREGNANT!" in my sleep last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1483

You deserved it

253

Tweet

Share

By unwanted - 1/4/2020 05:00 - Canada

Named and shamed

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2099

You deserved it

126

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25310

You deserved it

3282

Tweet

Share

By Jake Leiter - United States - Grantham

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21864

You deserved it

1216

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44318

You deserved it

6222

Tweet

Share

By Savy - United States - Phoenix

Today, I have a better relationship with the machinery I've given names to at work than my actual coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5972

You deserved it

844

Tweet

Share

By Nobody - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62396

You deserved it

3241

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29931

You deserved it

1874

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Italy - Vigodarzere

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40464

You deserved it

4816

Tweet

Share

By SlowLane - United States

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43206

You deserved it

2818

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years, who is a fabulous guitarist and singer, told me he wrote me a song. I was so excited. Turns out it was a break up song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64758

You deserved it

4188

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/2/2021 17:01 - Sweden - G?teborg

PS I Love You

Today, I had a group project on Zoom with some classmates I'm not so familiar with. When we were done and said our goodbyes, I said, "Bye bye, I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

552

You deserved it

273

Tweet

Share

By aere - United States

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31049

You deserved it

2822

Tweet

Share

By heartbroken - United States - Huntington

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46634

You deserved it

6104

Tweet

Share

By iris - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14178

You deserved it

36003

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34435

You deserved it

2292

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18206

You deserved it

2749

Tweet

Share

By theydidsmellitthough - Israel - Netanya

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26127

You deserved it

9343

Tweet

Share

By Jayanka

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5042

You deserved it

577

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 17:02

One hell of a poker game?

Today, I lost 1200 dollars, my fiancée, my dog, my apartment, and my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1077

You deserved it

268

Tweet

Share

By j_babydoll6520 - Australia

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41557

You deserved it

3129

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year old son came up to me and asked if he can "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38976

You deserved it

4222

Tweet

Share

By Donnie

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2348

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By imbx - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53555

You deserved it

20194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27394

You deserved it

2363

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20160

You deserved it

1544

Tweet

Share

By tantanpanda - United States

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31379

You deserved it

1929

Tweet

Share

By WhoDoYouLove6208 - United States

Today, it was my 19th birthday. My boss let me out early to celebrate. On my way home I was hit by a man doing 65 in a 40mph stretch of road. My car was completely destroyed. I spent the rest of my birthday sitting in the ER being treated for a pinched shoulder nerve and whiplash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44715

You deserved it

2530

Tweet

Share

By mainlaw - Ireland

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7961

You deserved it

47109

Tweet

Share

By AbsentMindedGal - United States

Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39680

You deserved it

22525

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - West Babylon

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45857

You deserved it

6075

Tweet

Share

By Betrayed - United States

Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

101996

You deserved it

3996

Tweet

Share

By Grauncho - United States - Chicago

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25594

You deserved it

3565

Tweet

Share

By BedazzledAlpaca - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34746

You deserved it

4282

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Bigfabthetruth52 | 22

#5489028 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:10

Uhh, what a dick.

By revolution4ever | 14

#5489049 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:15

And parents wonder their kids have no respect for them...

COMMENTS

By Original_Outcast | 23

#5489027 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:10

Your dad is a faggot, anyways did you tell your mom the truth?

Reply

courtney680 | 17

#5489071 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:23

What a prick. Hopefully they did. I'd be pissed

By Bigfabthetruth52 | 22

#5489028 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:10

Uhh, what a dick.

Reply

ulquiorra102 | 10

#5489112 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:45

I was gonna try to come up with a witty comment, but this...I'm pretty sure this summarizes what everyone's thinking xD

Reply

garrett1999o3 | 16

#5489121 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:51

#2 How is that top comment worthy?

Reply

garrett1999o3 | 16

#5489131 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:57

I will now sit wonder through my days "How the F**k did that guy get top comment?"

Reply

HiIAmKevin | 8

#5489196 - Sunday 12 May 2013 20:50

Freakin' genius.

Reply

xALEXx_fml | 15

#5489470 - Monday 13 May 2013 1:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

aneurophobia | 5

#5489487 - Monday 13 May 2013 2:09

took the words from my mouth

Reply

sulitak | 27

#5491022 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 8:26

#85 no, that's not being a dad. My Dad always made sure the "good gift" was from my sister and I. That Dad is a jerk and if my husband ever even thinks this is acceptable I will slap him

Reply

xALEXx_fml | 15

#5502185 - Wednesday 22 May 2013 12:15

#95 haha whatever you say

By mybarra6 | 17

#5489037 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:12

Looks like Batman is going to have to teach your dick of a dad a lesson!

Reply

garrett1999o3 | 16

#5489127 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:54

Yes, because Batman can save ALL the worlds problems!

Reply

garrett1999o3 | 16

#5489129 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:55

Too lazy to turn on your TV? Call Batman!

Reply

Weika | 5

#5489170 - Sunday 12 May 2013 20:25

Batman is just mad that he can't celebrate mothers day.

You know, because his parents are dead.

Reply

garrett1999o3 | 16

#5489186 - Sunday 12 May 2013 20:43

You probably shouldn't say that stuff about Batman.He's EVERYWHERE.....

Reply

Weika | 5

#5489347 - Sunday 12 May 2013 23:16

Except his parents' house.

Because they are dead.

Reply

greg84_fml | 21

#5489360 - Sunday 12 May 2013 23:33

Um, he lives in his parents' house.

Reply

garrett1999o3 | 16

#5489410 - Monday 13 May 2013 0:27

#69 That awkward moment when Batman lives in his parents' house.......

Reply

TheShadyMilkman | 15

#5489466 - Monday 13 May 2013 1:46

You don't happen to have a stash of free candy and stuffed animals do you? Either way still creepy you refer to yourself as batman...

By ROSI3TH3CAT | 18

#5489038 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:12

Clever plan but your fathers an ass.

By broncos67 | 9

#5489039 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:13

Your dad done did good

Reply

garrett1999o3 | 16

#5489124 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:52

1) lear a little grammar 2)If you like dicks,why don't you go to a gay bar?

Reply

eddeeezzyy | 19

#5489156 - Sunday 12 May 2013 20:17

26- learn*

Reply

Mr_Loudmouth | 9

#5489158 - Sunday 12 May 2013 20:17

Learn how to spell, Grammer Nazi.

Reply

Sonotsuave | 33

#5489173 - Sunday 12 May 2013 20:27

not funny to talk about gays man

Reply

HortonThelephant | 15

#5489190 - Sunday 12 May 2013 20:46

Whoa. This thread is fucked. Peace out...

By Wizardo | 33

#5489043 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:14

Woah what a prick! Here's an idea, switch out his fathers day presents for f*ck all!

Reply

ositoakaluis | 16

#5489097 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:33

Or give him the bill for Father's Day ;)

Reply

LadyRodgers29 | 0

#5489998 - Monday 13 May 2013 15:59

Exactly #20!

By revolution4ever | 14

#5489049 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:15

And parents wonder their kids have no respect for them...

By JohnMartson | 5

#5489053 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:16

Wow what a dick

By Zen_Mei | 17

#5489059 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:20

He's not getting anything for Father's Day

Reply

hellomynameisash | 14

#5489488 - Monday 13 May 2013 2:12

yes he is, hes getting the bill..

By Cheeley | 17

#5489063 - Sunday 12 May 2013 19:21

Well he can just forget about Father's day then huh?