Miscellaneous: Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66346

You deserved it

3731

Favorite

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Drained

Insane parents

By Wraith - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40601

You deserved it

4771

Favorite

By braceforcarnage - United States

Today, I got broken up with. In a text message. She texted my grandma, who then had to forward said text to me. I got broken up via grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42898

You deserved it

3151

Favorite

By russianfail - United States - Dallas

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41361

You deserved it

16633

Favorite

By anon - United States

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38094

You deserved it

4166

Favorite

By "catty_13"

Today, thanks to my estranged husband, I had three seizures at work. I came home yesterday to find that my seizure medications were completely gone. He'd flushed them down the toilet because he thinks I'm psychotic and "read on the internet" that it's because of the meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3998

You deserved it

254

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Oceanside

Today, I got disappointed when I realized that I had to share a bed with my husband because we had company over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25804

You deserved it

18794

Favorite

By nitwit - Greece

Today, I spent hours consoling my girlfriend for getting dumped by the guy she was cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31263

You deserved it

79177

Favorite

By pwndbykidz - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14724

You deserved it

68136

Favorite

By college parking sucks - United States - Deltona

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22371

You deserved it

2138

Favorite

By Dirtyrice - United States - Albuquerque

Dirty rice

Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

374

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26237

You deserved it

4577

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted everyone in my phone to remind them mother's day is tomorrow. Everyone including the boy whose mom died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19897

You deserved it

81443

Favorite

By NotInterested - United States

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping to me while pointing at his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45996

You deserved it

4617

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49721

You deserved it

3936

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 20:01 - Australia

A for Effort

Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML

I agree, your life sucks

945

You deserved it

586

Favorite

By Tagged - United States

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34141

You deserved it

7737

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Belmont

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41627

You deserved it

4140

Favorite

By Sexylarry - France

Today, I was feeling in the mood, so I walked into the kitchen with only my boxers on and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get in bed. She said, "Okay, but make sure to finish before Gossip Girl starts." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30487

You deserved it

8173

Favorite

By SupposedlyAverage - United States

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38185

You deserved it

4257

Favorite

By Chrissy - United States

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31116

You deserved it

3014

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 11:01

Cursed FML

Today, my parents think the only reason I'm gay is because I have a curse that makes me attracted to females and I'm actually straight. At this point, even my older sisters believe it which is crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

892

You deserved it

Favorite

By - France

Today, my first (and only true) date ended with the girl saying "Thanks for dinner, I was hungry - and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33959

You deserved it

2470

Favorite

By seeking new employment - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20715

You deserved it

2092

Favorite

By ChopSuey - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14803

You deserved it

1585

Favorite

By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58781

You deserved it

15715

Favorite

By rikitsumiatsu - 10/4/2020 02:00

This is the rhythm of the night

Today, my wife showed me a video she took of me last night. I was shit-faced, dancing half naked to '90s club music in the middle of the street at midnight. She won't stop laughing at me and replaying the video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

641

You deserved it

2018

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I tried to get the day off because of snow and ice on the roads, which had already caused 2 accidents close to my house. My boss just called me a useless millennial, fired me, and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4242

You deserved it

1254

Favorite

By FML - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my mum and I were referred to as "ladies". I'm happy for her, since she always complains about looking masculine. However, I would still like to be called a gentleman, seeing as how I am one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45120

You deserved it

3632

Favorite

By lilsis - Australia

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27460

You deserved it

3766

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9093

You deserved it

5307

Favorite

By JustplainSad - 15/8/2020 23:01

People are strange

Today, I found out my friend of 15 years, who cut off our weekly gaming group during Covid after a fight, is speaking to everyone but me. I wasn't even in the fight, I just checked in to see if he was OK after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1382

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By Toaster - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59564

You deserved it

4115

Favorite

By AbhorrentApplication - United States - Reston

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25185

You deserved it

38798

Favorite

By Applelover012 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he was leaving me because we haven't slept together in a few weeks. I just gave birth to our first child and am still recovering from my c-section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

92225

You deserved it

8428

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Beaumont

Feelings

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66412

You deserved it

9742

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Huntsville

Today, after a week of my new neighbor constantly yelling in his native language, I finally complained about the noise. Turns out that's just his normal talking voice. Goodbye sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14685

You deserved it

1136

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/12/2020 11:05

Compassion

Today, one of my friends got upset with me because I’m leaving our high school. The high school I have been bullied at for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

775

You deserved it

Favorite

By jayscalaro

Today, it's raining pretty hard and there are a bunch of puddles everywhere. I’m in a full rain suit and great boots, so instead of walking around the puddles, I decided to walk through the biggest one, only to drop down 4 feet, all because the city didn’t cover up a massive manhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2326

You deserved it

948

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49296

You deserved it

7585

Favorite

By KeepOnTruckin'

Today, I had to help my best friend plan his upcoming date with the girl he doesn't know I'm secretly in love with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1802

You deserved it

520

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By too_much_fun | 0

#186448 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:14

Ouch. Next time she gets you something, use it with your dad then!

By cthulhu1138 | 1

#186494 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:22

Why didn't you just take your mom to the spa? Giving her a gift certificate for two practically begs her to take someone else.

COMMENTS

By evanwilliams | 4

#186440 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:13

Hahahahaha

Sista92359 | 24

#6150830 - Monday 22 December 2014 6:14

Are you laughing at how ugly you are?

By too_much_fun | 0

#186448 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:14

Ouch. Next time she gets you something, use it with your dad then!

Menick47 | 0

#877115 - Sunday 21 February 2010 0:45

Unless it's a tampon cupon...

narutou546 | 4

#3615833 - Monday 21 November 2011 19:49

Or a vibrator

By Jaywin | 3

#186472 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:18

What was her reasoning behind that? Was she just doing it to be a bitch?

zykrithium | 22

#6527626 - Wednesday 3 February 2016 18:49

Sounds like it. Dunno how someone could be a blatant cunt and NOT mean it.

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#186478 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:19

atleast there is no longer doubt that she is infact the favorite child

BostonBear | 33

#5354638 - Tuesday 5 February 2013 1:18

thats for sure

By fyoulife | 0

#186490 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:21

thats sooo fucking annoying..ide be pissed.what a bitch sister
sorry i feel your pain

By cthulhu1138 | 1

#186494 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:22

Why didn't you just take your mom to the spa? Giving her a gift certificate for two practically begs her to take someone else.

safaeita | 32

#5792435 - Sunday 15 December 2013 2:21

I agree

By genius_man16 | 0

#186508 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:24

Look on the bright side: You are no longer obliged to do anything for her next mothers day.

By shizzbangpop | 0

#186512 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:25

OUCCH.
#2's idea is fantastic. (;

By BoboMatrix | 0

#186516 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:25

Give her a cooking book next time ;)

By thiagohf113 | 0

#186527 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:28

#7 has a point... roundhouse your sis... thats always fun :D