Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment...

By Anonymous - 10/5/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66330

You deserved it

3730

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Proactive

Race against the clock

Spooky

By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 19:15

The Outsider

Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1371

You deserved it

199

Favorite

By OnlyMe - 8/10/2009 15:29 - United States

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10576

You deserved it

23267

Favorite

By LittleRed79 - 3/11/2016 04:49 - Canada

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11786

You deserved it

1008

Favorite

By clarakipper - 25/9/2013 07:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37457

You deserved it

2711

Favorite

By confusedphotographer - 19/4/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13821

You deserved it

64075

Favorite

By Cyrah - 16/7/2019 18:15 - United States

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2159

You deserved it

134

Favorite

By Wrongword - 17/4/2012 10:52 - China - Shanghai

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30500

You deserved it

4076

Favorite

By King_of_hearts - 4/4/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41554

You deserved it

4800

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/6/2013 07:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89819

You deserved it

6137

Favorite

By wow - 8/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29998

You deserved it

8831

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 20:00

Good job!

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1978

You deserved it

509

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted hayride with my crush and friends. I got scared and screamed so he put his arm around me and hugged me. I took this as a good sign and leaned in. Turns out his friend was handing him something and he wasn't putting his arm around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2870

You deserved it

319

Favorite

By new 2 twitter - 10/1/2017 23:23

Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6516

You deserved it

1554

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 20:00

That's kinda handy!

Today, my boyfriend and I found out that we were cheating on each other with the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

618

You deserved it

3166

Favorite

By Wreet - 11/1/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I went shopping with this girl I like while my girlfriend was busy. We ended up going grocery shopping to make dinner together, and I ran into my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7036

You deserved it

78281

Favorite

By okay17 - 29/12/2015 05:00 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39841

You deserved it

5079

Favorite

By obese_chicken - 6/11/2009 06:59 - Australia

Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44894

You deserved it

8283

Favorite

By donutsex - 5/8/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53738

You deserved it

8929

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/7/2015 17:59 - Northern Mariana Islands - Saipan

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." Two hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24687

You deserved it

5295

Favorite

By Lovejunkie - 1/3/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28503

You deserved it

8552

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 14:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1666

You deserved it

128

Favorite

By JCruz411 - 21/1/2010 13:10 - France

Today, I talked to my ex on AIM after not speaking to her since we broke up two years ago. The conversation lead up to her asking how I feel about her. So I poured my heart and soul out to her, because I still love her. She immediately logged off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17999

You deserved it

32670

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/3/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36813

You deserved it

6675

Favorite

By snitchovich - 27/5/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53706

You deserved it

6017

Favorite

By Eric Forrest - 24/2/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22082

You deserved it

23899

Favorite

By Kimmikoto - 31/1/2017 07:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4832

You deserved it

3479

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2014 22:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41324

You deserved it

4208

Favorite

By disgusted - 16/3/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25081

You deserved it

2123

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 23:39 - United States - Salem

Experimentation

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40668

You deserved it

3368

Favorite

By CUNTCUNTCUNT - 29/1/2014 21:28 - Australia - Slacks Creek

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48435

You deserved it

7327

Favorite

By So so close to clean - 8/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5297

You deserved it

1219

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/7/2013 01:03 - United States - La Grande

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45663

You deserved it

3403

Favorite

By Idontknowwhattodo - 27/8/2013 10:17 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though, the insurance will cover it. However, it won't cover all the items she damaged crashing into a garage sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42902

You deserved it

3479

Favorite

By valnaj1 - 25/12/2012 03:03 - Denmark - Vamdrup

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89691

You deserved it

27659

Favorite

By allbrokeup - 1/12/2012 23:54 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30333

You deserved it

3300

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Understanding

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1616

You deserved it

134

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/4/2012 09:45 - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12278

You deserved it

22175

Favorite

By Noname - 15/3/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70432

You deserved it

17176

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 09:57 - United States

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13532

You deserved it

27255

Favorite

By notwhatithought - 21/8/2015 19:43 - Germany - Erlangen

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11200

You deserved it

33340

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By too_much_fun | 0

#186448 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:14

Ouch. Next time she gets you something, use it with your dad then!

By cthulhu1138 | 1

#186494 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:22

Why didn't you just take your mom to the spa? Giving her a gift certificate for two practically begs her to take someone else.

COMMENTS

By evanwilliams | 4

#186440 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:13

Hahahahaha

Sista92359 | 24

#6150830 - Monday 22 December 2014 6:14

Are you laughing at how ugly you are?

By too_much_fun | 0

#186448 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:14

Ouch. Next time she gets you something, use it with your dad then!

Menick47 | 0

#877115 - Sunday 21 February 2010 0:45

Unless it's a tampon cupon...

narutou546 | 4

#3615833 - Monday 21 November 2011 19:49

Or a vibrator

By Jaywin | 3

#186472 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:18

What was her reasoning behind that? Was she just doing it to be a bitch?

zykrithium | 22

#6527626 - Wednesday 3 February 2016 18:49

Sounds like it. Dunno how someone could be a blatant cunt and NOT mean it.

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#186478 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:19

atleast there is no longer doubt that she is infact the favorite child

BostonBear | 33

#5354638 - Tuesday 5 February 2013 1:18

thats for sure

By fyoulife | 0

#186490 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:21

thats sooo fucking annoying..ide be pissed.what a bitch sister
sorry i feel your pain

By cthulhu1138 | 1

#186494 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:22

Why didn't you just take your mom to the spa? Giving her a gift certificate for two practically begs her to take someone else.

safaeita | 32

#5792435 - Sunday 15 December 2013 2:21

I agree

By genius_man16 | 0

#186508 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:24

Look on the bright side: You are no longer obliged to do anything for her next mothers day.

By shizzbangpop | 0

#186512 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:25

OUCCH.
#2's idea is fantastic. (;

By BoboMatrix | 0

#186516 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:25

Give her a cooking book next time ;)

By thiagohf113 | 0

#186527 - Sunday 10 May 2009 23:28

#7 has a point... roundhouse your sis... thats always fun :D