Miscellaneous: Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our...

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 358

You deserved it 3 055

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By Username - 03/10/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 500

You deserved it 3 364

Lurker

By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 064

You deserved it 3 101

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 330

You deserved it 535

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 781

You deserved it 6 878

Snek

By afraidtosleep - 13/10/2012 06:35 - United States - Houston

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 968

You deserved it 6 324

Not on a plane

By Surewhatever - 16/10/2019 14:01

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 131

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 713

You deserved it 8 062

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 02:43 - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 055

You deserved it 3 775

By stillloverher - 19/09/2017 23:45

Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife's period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 209

You deserved it 502

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 01:34 - United States - West Chester

Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 419

You deserved it 4 335

HerpYourDerp 7

Friday 28 October 2011 12:05

What do you mean, "again"? How many times has that snake been missing in your apartment?

Buttsexpirate 9

Friday 28 October 2011 12:08

While in the bathroom you're gonna hear "Feed me ssssseymour!"

Comments

bubo_fml 10

Saturday 29 October 2011 1:09

Not to worry...My pants python is attracted to the same thing...

garfield224 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 1:31

Without even looking I can see the inappropriate comments

Okayitwasme 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 1:59

It's moving time.

baconstrips 12

Saturday 29 October 2011 2:36

Dude, blue waffle is nasty

shenry113322 7

Saturday 29 October 2011 2:38

The basilisk wants to enter the chamber of secrets

Cheyenne_Is_Me 4

Saturday 29 October 2011 6:05

Oh god, that had me laughing so hard, I started crying! x'D

Toxic_Ninja 2

Saturday 29 October 2011 2:50

Use your tampons to lure the snake out!

jake1632 9

Saturday 29 October 2011 3:50

or maybe ops roomate is a secret male pervert that likes to have pretend play with his snake and is attracted to bloody vaginas... either way FYL.

darkblitz_fml 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 7:00

I've seen enough hentai to see where this is going.

RubySlippers84 11

Saturday 29 October 2011 7:13

i don't think she meant that, unless you walk around with no pants

bannedforlife 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 9:02

Your roommate needs an ass whoopin'.

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The Top

Today, I brought my daughter to work with me. When we walked in, a client was blowing up at my boss, all because as my boss was walking past his storage unit, he glanced in and was about to compliment how neat it was. After my boss left, I had to deal with the aftermath, which left my daughter terrified of this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 86

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 654

The Top

Today, I was babysitting a one year-old. She'd just learned how to say yes, so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said, "Yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty. She looked at me and said, "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 545

You deserved it 14 669

Today, I was waiting at the airport for a flight when I looked down and realised that I had booked the wrong date. Frantically, I tried to rebook the flight, but it was completely sold out. Now, I'm stuck in the airport for the next 24 hours with nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 741

Today, my mom has two workbenches in her basement. They are so cluttered, they have all but disappeared. Now that she’s actually building something, she just uses the chest freezer as a workbench. I’m hungry and my dinner is in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 92

Today, I just hit 41 weeks pregnant. Today is also the day my AC decided to die. I live in Florida, where it's hot WITH the AC on. This is gonna be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 481

You deserved it 284

Today, I heard grunting and then realized it was my tenant with his boyfriend. When I went down to do my laundry, I caught them in the act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 316

Today, my youngest sister was Snapchatting a new guy and sent him a selfie with me in it. He responded, “Is that your mom?” I’m 26.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 112