Miscellaneous: Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell...

By seriousdubsteplover - Australia

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Messed up

Season finale

By ScoozieBooze - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

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By deadhammy - United States - San Diego

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML

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By Soggy Sophia - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went for my daily post-op doctor's appointment, where I was told I can resume normal activities. Which was handy when I came home to half-an-inch of water throughout my apartment, due to my washing machine drainage pipe coming undone while I was gone. FML

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By sleepingonthetoilet - United States - Birmingham

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

Today, my supervisor locked me in the women's bathroom as I was cleaning it. I heard the owner scolding him, so I waited for the door to open, thinking he got in trouble. It wasn't until I heard the front gate locking that I realized I'm staying the night in the bathroom. FML

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By reallyhighschool - United States - Torrance

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

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By DD - France

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML

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By wdones97

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

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By herve - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

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By ScaryBears - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

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By busted - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

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By Kaeyne - United States

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

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By Jayanka

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my friend and I were arguing over whose boyfriend was better. Just as I was about to convince her, my boyfriend rang. Trying to start the perfect conversation, I put him on speaker phone and answered "Hey Tiger, I was just thinking about you". He broke up with me on speaker. FML

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By battle1 - United States - Marietta

Creepy

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

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By elvisfreak5446 - United States

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

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By justabitembarrassed - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

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By elcee1987 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

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By Irobot

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was berated by a customer for a good two minutes. It's okay though because she ended with, "Sorry, I forget you all are real people." FML

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By StrawberryJuicey - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn't the ticket. It was my bra size. FML

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By aeghw1s - United States

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant. I am going to be the mascot that stands by the road to wave down customers in a heavy polyester animal suit. The high today is 102. I work 12-4. FML

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By CaddyWhack

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my ex-wife, who I have a 1000-yard restraining order against since she threatened my new wife and our kids, moved into a house down the street. The police say they can't do anything because her house is more than 1000 yards from mine. It's 1012 yards away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

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By Mr.Viola - United States

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

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By Cat - 2/12/2020 08:06

Always call first

Today, I went to visit my aunt who lives 6 hours away from me. Her car was missing from her driveway, but she's unemployed and barely leaves the house. Turns out, she moved in with her new boyfriend and didn't tell anyone, so I had to drive 6 hours back. FML

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By i.ask.you.how. - United States

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

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49543

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By lostvideo - Israel

Today, I realized that I hadn't seen my video camera in a while. After searching for several minutes in my room, I remembered that I had given it to my dad to hide before our month long trip (so even if someone broke into the house the video camera would be safe). He's forgotten where he hid it. FML

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By stupid useless criminal

Today, I saw a young child passed out unattended in a hot car so I smashed the windows to rescue him. After waiting with him for 30 minutes, his mom came out and called the cops on me. I officially have a probation violation and the mom went home free. FML

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By Arran - United Kingdom

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

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By a-mishunderstanding

Today, I was working in costume at a recreation of a Confederation-era town. I had to convince a visitor that it's not, in fact, an Amish village, and we do actually leave after five. FML

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By TMI - United States

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

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42540

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2020 16:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Dash and dine

Today, I was on a dinner date. Went really well. She said she was excited to have date number two. It came to paying. I went up to pay. Turned around. She had gone. Number blocked. FML

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By mareecasellafml - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

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By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/3/2020 02:00

Not that handy

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

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624

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

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Top comments

By jchansfan | 0

#645906 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:11

-Eyes light up upon seeing location- CRICKEY ITS A SNAKE!

I know, I'm a bad person... =(

By mordantennui | 0

#645916 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:23

Basilisk! That is all..

COMMENTS

By wtfismyfml | 0

#645897 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:06

yummy (pukes)

FailsFTW | 0

#899679 - Sunday 28 February 2010 6:53

how does that happen?

bunniex1 | 11

#4394624 - Saturday 5 May 2012 18:28

:O I LOVE the used. Ironically I also love mcr

By ajscw | 0

#645900 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:07

Sue the water place

canesul | 0

#865020 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 9:46

I thought the same thing

garrettgoshorn | 0

#973895 - Sunday 4 April 2010 7:44

Now this is what I call "snaking the drain"

smump | 0

#4426486 - Saturday 12 May 2012 23:36

He can't the water supply is in his house.

By jchansfan | 0

#645906 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:11

-Eyes light up upon seeing location- CRICKEY ITS A SNAKE!

I know, I'm a bad person... =(

_Naboo_ | 0

#645954 - Friday 30 October 2009 13:04

^THIS.
But yeah, that sucks.
Also, there's no way he could deserve that.
Unless he killed a snake(s).

FML_334 | 0

#647618 - Saturday 31 October 2009 15:32

You are an idiot. Quite simple, really. Your the kind of idiot that thinks we all ride Kangaroos to school and play digeridoo's in our spare time. Honestly, the sterotypes about Australia are rediculous.

sadistmonkey | 19

#647683 - Saturday 31 October 2009 16:25

come on....we understand that stereotypes are stereotypes and that they aren't 100% true, so let us just have our fun.

yehr | 0

#696492 - Monday 30 November 2009 12:43

he's kidding.

By cheque_please | 0

#645911 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:18

omg!

By AndelleRae | 9

#645912 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:19

Ugh. Just imagine how long you've been ingesting snake water before it finally started decomposing. *gag*

I am so sorry.

By mordantennui | 0

#645916 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:23

Basilisk! That is all..

alicekyra | 0

#3396768 - Thursday 6 October 2011 17:21

you are awesome! basilisk

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6024631 - Friday 1 August 2014 3:46

Pipesss...

By xxmollyxx | 25

#645925 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:30

Oh no, now that image will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Disgusting! :( FYL.

By Superawesomestev | 0

#645933 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:39

bad ass

By smartass101 | 0

#645958 - Friday 30 October 2009 13:08

if you were getting water for the kettle that means that you were going to boil it, so the water would have been fine to drink. and that poor snake, i wonder how he got in to the water supply. also, @#6, a basilisk is a lizard, not a snake.

theatregrl2 | 0

#647332 - Saturday 31 October 2009 8:57

@ #10 it was a Harry Potter reference

epicman1999 | 0

#2849962 - Friday 8 July 2011 21:55

www.aaamgames.com is epic

By spank_u_veryhard | 0

#645959 - Friday 30 October 2009 13:09

at least you're boiling the water lol FYL