Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell...

By seriousdubsteplover - 30/10/2009 05:08 - Australia

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Rock, hard place

White line fever

By Anonymous - 25/1/2013 20:13 - Canada - Quebec

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

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By Blanerd - 15/10/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2017 05:00 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my mom got drunk and told me that the man I have called dad for the past 27 years isn't my real father. Oh and don't say anything to him about it. FML

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By crappy_day - 9/1/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

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By tattooapprentice - 1/12/2018 17:30

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

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By faza4327 - 6/4/2011 07:43 - Australia

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

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By ConstructionLady - 13/11/2012 06:49 - United States

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2018 19:00

Today, after planning 4 months in advance and spending almost $600 to cover everyone's tickets to the event center, all of my siblings decided to bail on my 30th birthday celebration because driving 3 hours is too much. FML

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By AreYouSerious - 16/9/2018 22:00

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

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By downlowtooslow - 12/6/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML

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By anonymouse - 9/3/2011 19:37 - Reserved

Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

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By Suckered - 4/12/2015 21:47 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

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By ironyisabitch - 2/6/2012 05:43 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

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By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Gr?ces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

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By doggie_doo_face - 6/2/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 10:14 - United States

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2014 16:31 - United States

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2016 17:27 - Austria - Vienna

Today, a drunk woman kicked me in the balls for not buying her another drink. That's the closest thing to intimacy I've ever experienced. FML

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By ElizaWy - 26/10/2016 15:52

Today, I celebrated my fifteen-week anniversary. No, not a relationship anniversary. A migraine anniversary. It won't stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2014 17:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

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By Eringobrag88 - 27/6/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML

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By randa - 19/4/2011 06:38

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

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By StaceZN - 22/12/2016 08:52

Today, on site, my client was certain she had switched off her electric fence prior to me conducting an inspection of her boundary retaining wall. I overbalanced on my ladder and grabbed at the fence wires for support. The electricity was not switched off. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

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By disappointed - 1/7/2016 03:31 - United States - Rockville

Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML

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By anna - 22/12/2011 21:25 - France

Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML

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By jimmy - 19/8/2011 21:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

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By 3rd wheel, 2nd dick - 26/7/2018 06:00

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2019 00:01 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, yet again, I got into an argument with my dad. I have a PhD in the subject. But he's "entitled to his opinion", for, as he said, he's read a summary of the history of the country in a tourist guidebook, and the general view doesn't have to be based on more detailed information. He also corrects me when I speak the language, which he doesn't know. FML

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By MyFaceHurts - 3/8/2010 10:40 - United States

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

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By Flipside - 2/5/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

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By shmelly - 16/4/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

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By kjirut - 27/10/2009 18:49 - Norway

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2017 17:08

Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML

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By bleh - 23/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2019 14:00

Taking pictures

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

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By sexybelly - 26/3/2015 08:35 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

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By Puppy Loverr - 25/8/2011 07:12 - Australia

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

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Top comments

By jchansfan | 0

#645906 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:11

-Eyes light up upon seeing location- CRICKEY ITS A SNAKE!

I know, I'm a bad person... =(

By mordantennui | 0

#645916 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:23

Basilisk! That is all..

Comments

By wtfismyfml | 0

#645897 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:06

yummy (pukes)

FailsFTW | 0

#899679 - Sunday 28 February 2010 6:53

how does that happen?

bunniex1 | 11

#4394624 - Saturday 5 May 2012 18:28

:O I LOVE the used. Ironically I also love mcr

By ajscw | 0

#645900 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:07

Sue the water place

canesul | 0

#865020 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 9:46

I thought the same thing

garrettgoshorn | 0

#973895 - Sunday 4 April 2010 7:44

Now this is what I call "snaking the drain"

smump | 0

#4426486 - Saturday 12 May 2012 23:36

He can't the water supply is in his house.

By jchansfan | 0

#645906 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:11

-Eyes light up upon seeing location- CRICKEY ITS A SNAKE!

I know, I'm a bad person... =(

_Naboo_ | 0

#645954 - Friday 30 October 2009 13:04

^THIS.
But yeah, that sucks.
Also, there's no way he could deserve that.
Unless he killed a snake(s).

FML_334 | 0

#647618 - Saturday 31 October 2009 15:32

You are an idiot. Quite simple, really. Your the kind of idiot that thinks we all ride Kangaroos to school and play digeridoo's in our spare time. Honestly, the sterotypes about Australia are rediculous.

sadistmonkey | 19

#647683 - Saturday 31 October 2009 16:25

come on....we understand that stereotypes are stereotypes and that they aren't 100% true, so let us just have our fun.

yehr | 0

#696492 - Monday 30 November 2009 12:43

he's kidding.

By cheque_please | 0

#645911 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:18

omg!

By AndelleRae | 9

#645912 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:19

Ugh. Just imagine how long you've been ingesting snake water before it finally started decomposing. *gag*

I am so sorry.

By mordantennui | 0

#645916 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:23

Basilisk! That is all..

alicekyra | 0

#3396768 - Thursday 6 October 2011 17:21

you are awesome! basilisk

Hiimhaileypotter | 49

#6024631 - Friday 1 August 2014 3:46

Pipesss...

By xxmollyxx | 25

#645925 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:30

Oh no, now that image will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Disgusting! :( FYL.

By Superawesomestev | 0

#645933 - Friday 30 October 2009 12:39

bad ass

By smartass101 | 0

#645958 - Friday 30 October 2009 13:08

if you were getting water for the kettle that means that you were going to boil it, so the water would have been fine to drink. and that poor snake, i wonder how he got in to the water supply. also, @#6, a basilisk is a lizard, not a snake.

theatregrl2 | 0

#647332 - Saturday 31 October 2009 8:57

@ #10 it was a Harry Potter reference

epicman1999 | 0

#2849962 - Friday 8 July 2011 21:55

www.aaamgames.com is epic

By spank_u_veryhard | 0

#645959 - Friday 30 October 2009 13:09

at least you're boiling the water lol FYL