Miscellaneous: Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our...

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 358

You deserved it 3 055

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By Username - 03/10/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 500

You deserved it 3 364

Lurker

By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 064

You deserved it 3 101

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 330

You deserved it 535

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 781

You deserved it 6 878

Snek

By afraidtosleep - 13/10/2012 06:35 - United States - Houston

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 968

You deserved it 6 324

Not on a plane

By Surewhatever - 16/10/2019 14:01

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 131

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 713

You deserved it 8 062

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 02:43 - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 055

You deserved it 3 775

By stillloverher - 19/09/2017 23:45

Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife's period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 209

You deserved it 502

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 01:34 - United States - West Chester

Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 419

You deserved it 4 335

HerpYourDerp 7

Friday 28 October 2011 12:05

What do you mean, "again"? How many times has that snake been missing in your apartment?

Buttsexpirate 9

Friday 28 October 2011 12:08

While in the bathroom you're gonna hear "Feed me ssssseymour!"

Comments

liquidSELECT 0

Friday 28 October 2011 14:26

That sounds so nasty IT MIGHT JUST WORK.....,

Hoarebag 0

Friday 28 October 2011 14:27

Trouser snake?

NANDwich 5

Friday 28 October 2011 14:33

That's what you get for choosing Lord Voldemort as a roommate.

Skittlepickle 13

Friday 28 October 2011 14:48

Harry potter can get her parsel tongue lessons and teach her how to drive it away...

eatpussy 0

Friday 28 October 2011 15:10

Snakes can smell blood? I thought that was sharks.

celtic_guy78 0

Friday 28 October 2011 15:17

Snakes attracted to blood? Did I just learn something new? I've had snakes for years. Trust me you can sleep easy tonight.

hornet_fml 0

Friday 28 October 2011 15:18

Attracted to blood? Your roommate should not even own a snake

The__Redneck 7

Friday 28 October 2011 15:19

Time for that snake to have an accident.

2amkid 0

Friday 28 October 2011 15:25

wow! Sorry

IPoopedOnU 12

Friday 28 October 2011 16:15

U shud stay at a friends house to sleep until she finds it... Also again and what kinda snake is attracted to blood?!

Lidiya8lml 0

Friday 28 October 2011 16:24

Sounds like a vampire snake

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The Top

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 380

You deserved it 4 153

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 654

The Top

Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. Twenty minutes before I was able to clock out, some kid puked all over herself in the playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 171

Today, I was really excited because the girl I'd liked since freshman year asked me out. She came to my house and my mom decided to show her baby pictures of me with tampons up my nose because I'd had a nose bleed. Even worse, there was one picture of me when I was 15 doing the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 150

You deserved it 9 914

Today, I got pulled by a cop because I forgot to put my registration sticker on. I get nervous around authority and have nervous shakes. I ripped the registration sticker 3 times trying to put it on. The cop then gave me a ticket for "Improper Equipment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 728

You deserved it 7 040

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 518

You deserved it 34 122

Today, my boyfriend's mother hung a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend up. We've been together for 3 years now. Guess she really does hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 786

You deserved it 4 127

Today, while at work, a man came up to me and screamed that I was the devil's child, pointing at the tattoo on my wrist the whole time. I just stood there while he prayed for my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 601

You deserved it 3 858