Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26434

You deserved it

2945

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Dangling modifier

Billy no-mates

By caryl101698 - 9/6/2016 01:40 - United States - Medford

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13532

You deserved it

1078

Tweet

Share

By ppp - 14/9/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift. A half-used bottle of body lotion that belonged to his dead wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37050

You deserved it

3383

Tweet

Share

By weddingblues - 30/5/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40472

You deserved it

23553

Tweet

Share

By B1N - 15/4/2019 14:00

Today, I took a shower and went to put clothes on after, only to find no clothes in my closet. My mom took them all and hid them. No idea why. No idea when I will get them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1859

You deserved it

180

Tweet

Share

By swervelol - 14/7/2016 19:06

Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11679

You deserved it

1075

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/7/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26404

You deserved it

2371

Tweet

Share

By frustrated - 29/6/2011 12:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38579

You deserved it

2731

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/12/2014 17:39 - United States - Glendale

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36224

You deserved it

4182

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25033

You deserved it

3597

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/3/2014 02:52

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40089

You deserved it

9292

Tweet

Share

By Vitani_Verci - 15/1/2016 06:57

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22864

You deserved it

1763

Tweet

Share

By nix1993 - 19/10/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Chorley

My Humps

Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1471

You deserved it

180

Tweet

Share

By patriarchal apparently - 29/6/2013 19:58 - Saint Lucia

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62874

You deserved it

9891

Tweet

Share

By randommanwill - 16/2/2016 20:22 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad got angry with me for not watching "Better Call Saul" with him, because he thinks it will help me with law school. He did this while I was actually reading for a class taught by the top health law professor in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18211

You deserved it

1290

Tweet

Share

By Cindy1897 - 27/8/2017 20:00

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed and took the pain medicine that the oral surgeon prescribed for me before bed. The pain actually did go away for the most part, until my stomach decided to betray me and make me throw up, forcing my jaw to open more than it could after surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3514

You deserved it

247

Tweet

Share

By Enko - 9/11/2008 07:43 - France

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56398

You deserved it

5221

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 04:12 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22708

You deserved it

1673

Tweet

Share

By Ugh - 16/2/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52335

You deserved it

7021

Tweet

Share

By smurftastic - 3/9/2013 03:03 - United States - Murrieta

Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49450

You deserved it

3778

Tweet

Share

By BejeweledJizz - 5/11/2016 12:29

Today, after weeks of being addicted to Bejeweled Blitz, I couldn't stop thinking about it while having sex with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8815

You deserved it

4752

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/3/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44711

You deserved it

10788

Tweet

Share

By SBT1030 - 23/7/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41411

You deserved it

5626

Tweet

Share

By assholedad - 21/6/2013 18:05 - United States - Dayton

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46108

You deserved it

5074

Tweet

Share

By lmao4eva93 - 2/7/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48885

You deserved it

3345

Tweet

Share

By crushed - 11/12/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother won't let me intern at a prestigious college, working with graduate students and professors, and being paid, because she doesn't want to drive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25149

You deserved it

4978

Tweet

Share

By MozillaHostile - 9/10/2015 18:54 - Canada

Today, I saw my cat attacking a suitcase under my bed for apparently no reason. I laughed and picked it up to show him that there was nothing there, only to find a huge wasp hiding under it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

22802

You deserved it

2653

Tweet

Share

By SKG95 - 22/8/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1604

You deserved it

113

Tweet

Share

By pigtails - 16/1/2013 12:21 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31318

You deserved it

3217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33662

You deserved it

3661

Tweet

Share

By no compassion - 16/4/2013 10:50 - United States - Aurora

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45224

You deserved it

4000

Tweet

Share

By imsorrytimmy - 2/4/2009 15:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26886

You deserved it

113942

Tweet

Share

By Alex - 1/3/2019 16:00

Today, marks three weeks since I started my new dream job. It also marks the second time this week alone that I've clogged the toilet in the restroom. I'm almost 100% sure all my coworkers know it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1894

You deserved it

594

Tweet

Share

By wookieewhosshe - 18/5/2019 12:30

Today, it's the first day in 3 weeks that I'm in my flat after 7 a.m. due to a very busy work schedule. I was looking forward to a Saturday lie-in. Also today, my flatmate's alarm clock went off loudly from 7:30 to 10:30. He's in another country and his door is locked. Bye bye lie-in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1764

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By monochrometea - 9/9/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26784

You deserved it

2351

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I was going to my first job interview since I was laid off. About 10 yards from the door, I felt a sharp pain in my side and something in my pocket. It turned out to be a knife in my side, and a mugger robbing me because I looked rich. I haven't had any money in months, and missed the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51238

You deserved it

2864

Tweet

Share

By julian - 29/9/2018 14:00

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3513

You deserved it

251

Tweet

Share

By pleasedie - 7/5/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37810

You deserved it

6747

Tweet

Share

By angryinlaws - 12/10/2013 07:23 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51100

You deserved it

12031

Tweet

Share

By Sucker - 12/10/2009 19:31 - Canada

Today, after working another double shift because I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34451

You deserved it

3568

Tweet

Share

By Scaredwitless - 28/1/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51528

You deserved it

5961

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By sleepindevil | 15

#3503345 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:14

At least she won't be able to turn around and say that she has other plans on the day?

By Buttsexpirate | 9

#3503395 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:24

"Hmm, Christmas I'll be in Mexico. Hmm when's your birthday again? I'll be busy then too. The only time I can pencil you in would be April fools day. Would that work?"

COMMENTS

By sleepindevil | 15

#3503345 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:14

At least she won't be able to turn around and say that she has other plans on the day?

Reply

Epic_Fail911 | 15

#3503375 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:20

Is your mom Kris Jenner?

Reply

deadmeow5 | 0

#3503388 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:23

hold on lemme tweet this ..

Reply

EvilPotato | 14

#3503681 - Friday 28 October 2011 14:08

You gotta hang out with your mom more often.

Reply

kaykay20 | 0

#3504422 - Friday 28 October 2011 18:16

Actually one her plans could change anytime seeing as she most likely has a time consuming job that may call her to work whenever necessary. Quite unfortunate but at least she's trying to make time.

By blueberry_211 | 0

#3503349 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:15

That's embarrassing ...

Reply

duckie227 | 22

#3503769 - Friday 28 October 2011 14:49

Not really. My mom and I are so busy with 2 jobs each we have to schedule one night a month to hang out. That's not embarrassing at all

Reply

MrKlutch | 1

#3512335 - Sunday 30 October 2011 8:59

Maybe you and your mother should have finished high school

By HerpYourDerp | 7

#3503354 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:16

Ahh, motherly love.

By Evan___B | 4

#3503361 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:17

She must be organized :)

Reply

ellybelly_502 | 4

#3506708 - Saturday 29 October 2011 3:08

#61 I love my Siri :) I'd do it too lol

By pitchblease | 2

#3503363 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:18

You poor thing...
Funny story, this is how I got rejected from a girl once. Pulled out her iPhone and "went through her busy schedule". Nothing was written...

Reply

pitchblease | 2

#3503401 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:25

Not funny as in haha, funny as in weird. Considering her story reminds me of an old one of mine.

Reply

Em_I_Am | 5

#3503493 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:48

That doesn't mean anything. I have a very busy schedule but have nothing written in my calendar on my phone. I write everything in a planner.

Reply

LiveLaughFML | 10

#3503570 - Friday 28 October 2011 13:34

awe :( but I have one question..how were you able to figure out she had nothing written for plans or anything on her iPhone? unless you were looking over her shoulder, but, uh..lol.

Reply

Savra_fml | 17

#3503772 - Friday 28 October 2011 14:49

# 5, post an FML about it

Reply

sectorleader | 2

#3504326 - Friday 28 October 2011 17:36

Hey hey hey, this ain't your FML now gtfo

By you_and_me_fml | 8

#3503364 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:18

My dad does that all the time.. Parental love at its finest

By whited666 | 0

#3503368 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:19

I think ghats a "yes" at lest'

Reply

Em_I_Am | 5

#3503499 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:50

What is that, Shakespeare?

By youtubetre_fml | 14

#3503373 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:20

She takes care of you ... :)

By wishfulmidget | 0

#3503377 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:20

yeah my dad does that too lolz

By leadman1989 | 15

#3503378 - Friday 28 October 2011 12:20

Wait till you see the bill!

You- >:0