Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, in the neon-lit maze of Tokyo, I stumbled, drunk and disoriented, mistaken for a lost sailor. Arrested, I found myself at the wrong naval base. At 3 AM, two stern Master Chiefs arrived, confusion turning to relief as they whisked me away, navigating the streets like seasoned captains. FML
Today, I caught a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2-month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
tenkenshi 2
At least he was thinking about you while he was drunk.
celiba_fml 0
your boyfriend is awesome
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Comments (112)
Joecrook 0
@4 yeah dude, learn a thing or two.
machete_fml 0
Alan's a *****. A high-class ***** with no body hair to speak of, but a ***** nonetheless.
ShutUpAndStare 7
You are awesome.
BenignScientists 0
Hey I lol'd!
fucksmyylife 0
Hey there Miss Savannah Leigh :P
Intoxicunt 6
My comment isn't showing up. Unintended_, who the hell are you?
Intoxicunt 6
PEDOPHILES! Actually hebephiles as I'm not a little kid.
tingting1 0
how the hell did that happen?!
anonacs 0
He thinks you're cheating and wants you on your toes. My ex did shit like that to me before finally admitting why.
michaelcarell 0
muy interesante
01100110 0
Don't use the @*insert username* this isn't twitter.
mina_8 0
The @username thing was around before twitter.