Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, in the neon-lit maze of Tokyo, I stumbled, drunk and disoriented, mistaken for a lost sailor. Arrested, I found myself at the wrong naval base. At 3 AM, two stern Master Chiefs arrived, confusion turning to relief as they whisked me away, navigating the streets like seasoned captains. FML
Today, I caught a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2-month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
tenkenshi 2
At least he was thinking about you while he was drunk.
celiba_fml 0
your boyfriend is awesome
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Comments (112)
The_Pleb 0
Lol alan just served you
BeeSkwaird 0
The OP! Welcome! Now learn some grammar, please.
DanishDude 0
And why would US soldiers be in italy anyway?? or germany ? c´mon man it´s been over 60 years ... hitler ain´t coming back !! believe me!! now give us our continent back..
BeeSkwaird 0
"**** off" isn't a transitive verb. (You can't **** me off.) Alright, I'm being a little pedantic now, but not before. The OP did say it was the bf who was scrambling, not her.
andlifesuxagain 0
Stupid **** there are US bases in both of those countries and their was the little thing called USSR to worry about. OP: What did you expect, hes Navy, all hes good for is kissing the poop deck, why would you think he has good direction, sober or otherwise on land. Be happy hes not gay!
Spatch_ 1
Exactly! Thank you, cuz people don't seem to really understand what I was trying to say. And apparently my comment got deleted. . . I was trying to say that this was more of a "haha that sucks" FML. I'm not mad at him, it's just almost a year since I've seen him. I was flattered he called me, just the situation was frustrating. And yes, this IS the OP. :)
smelinapants 0
Um, no, you're lying. You're Spatch_, whereas the OP is Spatch.
Spatch_ 1
Yeah, lemme explain that. I created the account AFTER I submitted the FML. Apparently once the FML is selected to be published, that name used is TAKEN, so I HAD to put the stupid underscore. And if you're REALLY intent on proving I'm not the OP, might I suggest a posting for you? "Today, I stayed online trying desperately to prove someone wasn't the OP. I have no life to say "FML" about."
Maybe_Baby 0
Yeah I understand this stuff... My boyfriend is a marine.
weedpecker 6
omfg... stupid... READ the comments!
xloadedxx 0
those of you who are insulting men in the military are too ridiculous to insult. grow up.
andlifesuxagain 0
Not an insult just a jest, but I have personnaly seen Navy friends try to navigate on land.. welcome to Ojai...almost made it to hollywood lol not realy
hot_mess88 0
You obviously have never met many enlisted men. If they're not on duty and in a private setting, they are allowed to do whatever the hell they want. If they are not on duty and in public, than they are supposed to behave themselves in a manner fitting of the United States Armed Forces. Not that this always, or even usually, happens.
steph_darling 0
there's a huge military R and R facility an hour south of Munich in Garmisch. it's v. easy to get to the oktoberfest by train from there. so he had very good reason to be at the wiesn (like me all day)
Kenji_fml 0
There are many US stations in Germany. I don't know why, but there are...
KenMcGormick 0
Was haben Sie gesagt?
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
You can't **** somebody off? Dammit. Now what will my hobby be?
Xader 0
I dunno....It seems to me that "****" as a verb can be substituted for "get" in the phrase "get me off" to create the grammatically correct "**** me off". But I majored in accounting, so what the hell do I know about English?
56578 0
Hey, at least he called you, it shows he was thinking about you... I'd be happy with that.
metonymy 0
I guess he wasn't wearing flowers in his hair then...
were_giraffe 2
Dang that's one very drunk sailor. I hope he made it back to the ship/command in one piece.
spamme 0
prost
Maybe_Baby 0
The point that the OP is trying to get accross is that if her boyfriend is in the Navy and stationed in Italy that she doesn't get to see him or probably not hear from him that often. So the fact that he called and said that he was at the train station could have been the best news shes heard from him in weeks.