Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, in the neon-lit maze of Tokyo, I stumbled, drunk and disoriented, mistaken for a lost sailor. Arrested, I found myself at the wrong naval base. At 3 AM, two stern Master Chiefs arrived, confusion turning to relief as they whisked me away, navigating the streets like seasoned captains. FML
Today, I caught a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2-month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
tenkenshi 2
At least he was thinking about you while he was drunk.
celiba_fml 0
your boyfriend is awesome
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Comments (112)
andlifesuxagain 0
HA I just realized he probably called the "other" girlfriend, FYL!
maddog_fml 0
Hahaha! Drinking for 4 days and already braindamage.
weedpecker 6
now THIS makes sence! :D
xloadedxx 0
obviously youre confused. its not the fact that she got ready. its probably the fact that her boyfriend is in the navy stationed in italy and she thought she was going to see him, got all excited, and then let down. hmm..lets think a little deeper here.
TonyHighwind 0
Look at it this way: He cares about you enough that when he gets drunk, he doesn't want to hook up with one of the stacked Oktoberfest frauleins, he wants to travel all the way back to the West coast of the US to be with YOU.
westofwhatever 0
I bet the majority of the people who don't get it are people who don't know that Germany and Italy are two different countries.
feed_the_ducks 0
Haha that sucks that it turned out he was in Germany, but at least he cared enough to call you? I thought that if you were on active duty or what not that you weren't supposed to get completely shit faced
I_am_stupid_also 6
At least now you know what city the other girlfriend lives in.
tyler907 10
Kayla, is this you??
nycnazifa 0
that was funny
vansbabe66 0
ahhhhh sweet!! that's ****** funny .