Intimacy: Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested... - FML

By tamponmayhem - 09/03/2009 19:30 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 205 098

You deserved it 15 359

BO Central

Batman

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 06:41 - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 300

You deserved it 1 965

Credibility loss

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 11:01 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I was promoted to vice president of my company. I gave a speech explaining how I intended to run things more transparently. When I bent down to pick up my folder, my pants split. Somebody said, "Powerpuff girls panties. Transparent indeed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 259

By Anonymous - 13/01/2017 16:38

Today, I went to Walmart with all my birthday money, which I had in a wallet with my permit and everything else. I was sat on a bench looking for items for my iPod Touch However… I left my wallet behind. Turns out an old couple stole it. I got my shit jacked by grandparents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 352

You deserved it 2 470

By JB - 09/09/2012 08:34 - United States - Somerset

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 485

You deserved it 4 896

Narcissus

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 17:00

Today, my friend isn't speaking to me since I came out to her. Not because she's a homophobe, but because she's mortally offended that I didn't confess my love in the process. Seems that everyone who's attracted to women should be attracted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 85

By Liz - 27/09/2010 19:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend had his phone taken away by his dad for this past week. I have been sending him naked photos and other naughty things this entire week, or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 397

You deserved it 39 923

By ilikeirishducks - 19/06/2009 13:51 - Italy

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 738

You deserved it 21 056

By whatislife1969 - 08/10/2017 04:30

Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 4 744

By greenandswirly - 18/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I injured my knee at a Zumba class, a class I joined to lose weight so my knees wouldn't hurt so much. Now I can't even go for a leisurely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 615

You deserved it 788

By richkief76 - 10/05/2011 02:34

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 896

You deserved it 8 308

By thehumanshield - 05/08/2011 08:41 - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 065

You deserved it 2 788

By titillating - 12/03/2012 04:28 - United States

Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 827

You deserved it 4 518

Nice try, fed

By Anonymous - 21/09/2021 13:00 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, I was selling weed to a guy by text. He was using our code, saying, "Can I book a tutoring session at 6 o'clock?" I asked, "How many hours do you need?" He replied, "Three please." I said, "Sure." Then he said, "Just leave it in the blue Adidas again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 961

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 475

You deserved it 3 948

By CityBoysNow - 11/09/2013 00:14 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 489

You deserved it 13 203

By onlyslightly - 30/11/2012 08:33 - United States

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 794

You deserved it 4 791

By helen - 10/05/2011 03:44

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 467

You deserved it 26 675

By FoxyManicLiar - 27/09/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 3 167

By itsnotthatIhatecharity - 26/08/2017 23:15

Today, I found out that because I, like many others, don't read the terms and conditions, I accidentally donated £200 to a charity because of a non-refundable payment on a volunteering trip. It's my parents' money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 3 073

Socialite

By Jason - 22/11/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said , "You're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'd be bad for my social reputation." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 050

You deserved it 3 819

Live Laugh Love

By ihatewalmart - 29/06/2012 23:12 - United States

Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 977

You deserved it 3 186

By calli - 25/12/2009 21:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I was working at the Soup Kitchen handing out special christmas dinners to the homeless. At the end of the day I collected my things and went home. It was only then I discovered that my wallet, phone, pager and (for some reason) my glasses has been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 396

You deserved it 4 590

By Devin - 21/06/2019 22:17

Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 678

Gamers gonna gamer

By incels - 07/06/2021 02:01

Today, I put up my profile pic in Call of Duty: Mobile for the first time and got more than 50 friend requests and some very offensive messages from creepy guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 197

By crimsoncon - 25/11/2011 10:24

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 429

You deserved it 2 794

By Aw522 - 30/05/2012 23:07 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 739

You deserved it 2 508

By well then - 30/05/2015 05:40 - United States - Forest Park

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 731

You deserved it 2 443

Overreach

By AccioBucket - 12/02/2021 11:02

Today, I'm banned from the only working bathroom in my house because my mother is cleansing for an upcoming colonoscopy. My options are either a bucket in the basement, or wetting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 76

How smelly is your piss?

By Anonymous - 08/04/2021 21:00 - Finland

Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 649

You deserved it 6 244

Whoops

By Anonymous - 28/09/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 698

You deserved it 35 810

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 961

You deserved it 8 834

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 307

You deserved it 4 471

By unlucky - 10/11/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, I attended a focus group. Since I've been unemployed for a month now I thought the $60 would come in handy. By the time I finished someone had broken into my car, stole my GPS and MP3 player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 639

You deserved it 3 355

By DeeElleGee - 14/11/2009 00:09 - Canada

Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 195

You deserved it 6 086

By Makala - 03/12/2011 08:15 - Egypt

Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 159

You deserved it 35 925

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid and my husband says "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 908

You deserved it 12 062

Fragrant

By nooneinparticular - 21/05/2020 08:00

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 150

By dam01 - 02/08/2009 07:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 222

You deserved it 10 331

By Lespoon - 25/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 157

You deserved it 28 997

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Top comments

sovietrussian 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 22:48

your mom is an idiot.

thedrifter889 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 22:50

No kidding - If i we're that employee i wouldn't know to laugh or know weather or not she was serious

Comments

sovietrussian 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 22:48

your mom is an idiot.

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Monday 28 September 2009 20:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 11 June 2010 6:42

agreed... don't feel bad op, my mom asked her preachers wife, among other various ppl... I feel ur pain:(

sarahalyssa_fml 0

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Monday 2 August 2010 4:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

turkeymonster39 0

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Friday 20 August 2010 1:42

"cottage" reminds me of the cheese

victorioustunnel 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 22:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

BrightSidegirl82 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 13:41

well said

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Monday 21 February 2011 22:30

definitely an idiot.

darkbluelining 6

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Sunday 10 April 2011 20:18

actually, victorioustunnel, i think you're the idiot here. there are two "places" down there: one is the urethra, which leads to the bladder; and the other is the vagina. and since neither penis nor tampon goes up the urethra, they obviously do go in the same place. do your research (or maybe just attend health class) before you make offhanded know-it-all comments. (not that using a tampon constitutes the loss of virginiy.)

icanhazblivions 1

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Saturday 14 May 2011 7:06

agreed! they go in the same place. if you're sticking anything up your urethra, you're going to be in flat out pain. however, that being said, tampons and penises do not feel similar. if you put a tampon in correctly, you cannot feel it. you can definitely feel a penis.....

Sadielovesyou 0

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Sunday 7 August 2011 7:35

no it's not.......

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Friday 6 January 2012 17:28

F

SexcyyyLexiii 0

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Thursday 26 July 2012 16:30

I hate that stupid myth!!!! The first time I used one I got called a slut around school for a month cuz ppl thought I wasn't a virgin.... I was 12 and hadn't even kissed a boy yet

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Wednesday 20 March 2013 8:41

Oh yes she is

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:02

I want to know what the employee said

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Friday 27 March 2015 20:07

Same

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Monday 9 March 2009 22:50

your mom is too naive. you should tell her you haven't been a virgin since you were 9. fight the power

michaelwilliam 0

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Wednesday 21 April 2010 0:43

dude your a fucking idiot. all your comments are just plain out stupid

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Monday 17 May 2010 2:29

and yours arent?

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Tuesday 12 October 2010 17:48

Haha, so true...

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Sunday 5 December 2010 7:33

why would you say something creepy like that? you look and sound like a pedophile.

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Friday 27 May 2011 5:47

I agree.

thedrifter889 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 22:50

No kidding - If i we're that employee i wouldn't know to laugh or know weather or not she was serious

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:26

the lesson her is do not work at wal mart

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 7:48

here*

tellithowitis 13

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Monday 6 February 2012 21:07

*whether

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Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:35

*were

SailorSolaris 43

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Friday 24 January 2014 7:15

I'd laugh, long and hard.

Paul Rushing 21

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Wednesday 7 March 2018 10:13

Spelling yo

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Monday 9 March 2009 22:50

and she thinks the store employee would definitely have the right answer?

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Monday 9 March 2009 22:52

what did the employee say??

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Tuesday 13 May 2014 5:22

Yes

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Monday 9 March 2009 22:54

I'm having a hard time believing this story.

MandaPandaFML 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 22:59

That sounds like something a sheltered preteen would ask, not a mother. And who comes right out and asks a complete stranger that anyway? Wow.

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Monday 9 March 2009 23:01

Note to self: Never go shopping with mom again.

vitaminsandminer 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 23:02

oh my god, your mom is extremely dumb, no offense or anything but come on

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Monday 9 March 2009 23:05

SUPER-ABSORBENT ZING!!!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 32

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 146