Miscellaneous: Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very... - FML

20/11/2010 02:45 - United States

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 189

You deserved it 3 663

Mama's boy

The mainframe had been haxored

Men and their balls

24/10/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 855

You deserved it 3 951

21/04/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 549

You deserved it 5 333

09/08/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 973

You deserved it 8 017

30/03/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

I agree, your life sucks 210 728

You deserved it 34 927

08/06/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 008

You deserved it 43 287

13/10/2009 15:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 797

You deserved it 4 033

24/11/2018 13:30

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 115

You deserved it 216

30/01/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 439

You deserved it 3 070

25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 671

You deserved it 7 857

11/05/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 027

You deserved it 101 854

Pass the parcel

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 10:59

Today, I went to my son's friend's birthday party and felt really proud of giving a great gift. It just so happened that I regifted the same gift that his friend's mother gave to my son the month before because I forgot to check the name on the bag. It looked like she was about to faint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 1 396

15/07/2013 23:36 - United States - Louisville

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 041

You deserved it 48 647

02/11/2009 17:30 - United States

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 706

You deserved it 3 254

22/04/2009 10:40 - United States

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 593

You deserved it 9 419

19/05/2015 19:53 - United States - New Albany

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 863

You deserved it 1 906

11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Spicy

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 783

You deserved it 3 337

Pencils down

By Idiot - 16/12/2020 19:58

Today, I took an exam, for which I have been studying for weeks, I was confident at first, but then really struggled with it. I finished with about ten minutes to spare, turned to what I thought would be the end of my paper and found the first page of questions I was supposed to have answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 297

13/04/2012 14:15 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my husband told me to stop faking being sick, because, "morning sickness doesn't happen after noon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 338

You deserved it 3 305

18/10/2010 09:06 - Australia

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he chose me out of all the hotter girls out there. He told me it's because I have great birthing hips. Apparently I'm having six children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 548

You deserved it 5 697

12/10/2012 02:56 - United States

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 573

You deserved it 2 628

25/12/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 978

You deserved it 2 626

Great plan. Solid.

By Monagro - 14/09/2017 07:00 - United States - New York

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me to propose by telling me that the sooner we get married, the sooner she'll get pregnant and hence the sooner we can eat the placenta. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 964

You deserved it 376

09/10/2009 21:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 027

You deserved it 3 763

24/07/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he couldn't come to my grandfather's funeral because he was at his cottage and couldn't make it. Later that day, when driving home from the graveyard I saw him walking down the street, with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 628

You deserved it 3 329

15/11/2018 13:00 - South Africa

Today, I decided to be healthy and drink a tall glass of water whilst doing my assignment that is due in three days. I managed to spill the entire glass over my laptop. I flipped it over and used a hairdryer to dry it off. While doing that, I managed to melt my keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 2 876

27/05/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad had backed into my already crappy car. The reason they didn't buy me a nicer car in the first place was they were afraid I'd wreck it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 875

You deserved it 4 117

23/10/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 566

You deserved it 7 489

16/04/2013 01:35 - United States - Vallejo

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 686

You deserved it 5 737

Works with podcasts as well

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 16:00 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I realised I get really attached to characters in long-running TV shows, because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 128

09/11/2014 07:51

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 892

You deserved it 7 564

18/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 336

City boy

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 00:01

Today, my boyfriend realised that I’m from the part of Louisiana where we hunt gators for food, and dumped me because he doesn’t want to be a city boy who ends up fathering redneck kids, and having to sail through swamps to visit the in-laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 148

31/05/2013 04:20 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 630

You deserved it 3 520

01/02/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 649

You deserved it 39 251

19/09/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 087

You deserved it 1 847

24/01/2017 16:00

Today, I was rear-ended while heading to my appointment with my physiotherapist. This is the physiotherapist I am seeing to treat the pinched disc I got from being rear-ended 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 318

You deserved it 412

27/04/2017 18:00

Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 373

You deserved it 1 763

Bored

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my wife asked me when will my sex drive just stop. I'm only 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 97

13/12/2014 16:19 - United States - Memphis

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 893

You deserved it 3 072

28/01/2010 20:25 - United States

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 957

You deserved it 52 979

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:01

Like anyone around you would care about the pads you use.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:02

at least she is showing concern? :D haha embarrasing

Comments

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:01

omg I'm finally first! :D

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:02

no one cares

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:03

Lmfao I don't care, I'm just happy it finally happened (:

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:05

You couldn't think of anything to say about the post? All you cared about was bring first? Kinda wasted your first first.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:06

Here: Sorry OP, inwould be embarrassed too. Happy? I know I am.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:09

AbSORBEnT PAdS

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:09

Also, I'll admit it is obnoxious and annoying when people say first, but I couldn't help it :(

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:09

Well, technically, you're not the first person to cry out, "FIRST!" so in that sense, you fail at being the first to say, "first".

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:10

yes Emma I am so happy I could shart myself

corrector_fml 0

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:10

think that through, its really sad what makes you happy and for the OP; chances are that you will never meet any of the people that heard again, and if you do, its not like they will remember

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:10

ive never been first :/ what should i say my first first? fafpa

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:11

Wow @15. I meant I was the first to comment on this post. Common sense.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:11

Vagina

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:12

Nobody gives a flying fuck if you posted first. Common sense.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:13

shut up orgasmitron ;D

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:13

I honestly don't give a shit, sorry (:

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:15

Hey, hey. None of that lol.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:15

Oh look my comment had been moderated hahaha(: lmao ohh well x)

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:16

Obviously you do, hence you're still here.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:21

^Fail

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:23

^justin bieber??

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:24

Yes, I'm Justin Bieber. umad?

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Saturday 20 November 2010 9:05

I'm pretty sure you used "hence" wrong, Kid. Try reading a book before you go somewhere trying to seem intelligent.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 9:41

Thanks, 13! All fixed! Good catch. :-)

stephanie0613 0

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Saturday 20 November 2010 11:17

Hahaha 26, and 38 made my day both of you are pure win :D

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Saturday 20 November 2010 13:35

its things like this that make me glad im adopted....but really im not...or am i?

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Sunday 21 November 2010 8:01

you aren't, no one would care enough to adopt you.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:01

Like anyone around you would care about the pads you use.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:10

Exactly. Why would anyone care if random strangers heard, who you'll never see again.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 9:05

Yup. This person's life is average :]

Vozz 0

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Saturday 20 November 2010 9:41

Simply the fact of embarrassment, just like when guys buy condoms, if you will.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 9:48

I think buying condoms would be more embarrassing though.

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 0:46

this is why I never care about what people say

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Friday 6 May 2016 1:51

I had a girlfriend who said the sweetest thing I did for her was buy pads for her. She said it was because it's so embarrassing, but I don't see what's so embarrassing about it.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:02

at least she is showing concern? :D haha embarrasing

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Saturday 20 November 2010 20:15

I think it's more a fuck your dads life.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:02

sucks for you lol

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Saturday 20 November 2010 10:00

she uses pads? how disgusting! she's some kind of bloody monster!

catatonicsleep 17

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Saturday 20 November 2010 11:12

yeah, every civilized woman uses tampons....

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:03

Awe that sucks ! but why wouldn't u go and get them yourself ... ?

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Saturday 20 November 2010 15:54

Win

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:06

It's not really that big of a deal. Unless you're really young still. Once you're even a bit older, no one really cares.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:08

Ahaa ; parents these days(:

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Sunday 21 November 2010 8:00

supp my name is kristian do u have a ps3 if u do add me jojotwo09

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Sunday 21 November 2010 18:16

Not weird at all.

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:10

maybe they will absorb what your mom said so no one would hear?

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Saturday 20 November 2010 9:02

LMFAO

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:10

just let her have her moment

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Saturday 20 November 2010 8:12

That's embarrassing but it's not too bad.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 387

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 69