Kids: Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I... - FML

02/04/2013 09:22 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 271

You deserved it 5 808

And today, on Dr Phil…

Mother of the year

CPTSD

30/12/2014 04:17 - Turkey - Izmir

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 954

You deserved it 2 982

13/12/2010 14:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 410

You deserved it 8 533

26/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 324

You deserved it 65 424

It's not?

By 310 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 635

You deserved it 4 075

28/10/2013 04:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 578

You deserved it 3 584

13/07/2017 16:30 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was showing off the Mount Kilimanjaro tattoo that I got after climbing it. It's a silhouette of the mountain and the word "KILI" in bold. My girlfriend told her friends it was actually the Lonely Mountain from The Hobbit, and that Kili was my favorite dwarf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 581

You deserved it 1 474

30/06/2015 09:57 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 383

You deserved it 2 280

Are you taking the piss?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 848

14/07/2011 15:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been having an intimate text exchange with a woman. She's the grieving widow of his friend who died three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 224

You deserved it 2 790

What's that?

By Best-stuf-on-Earth - 12/07/2009 07:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 326

You deserved it 78 190

22/08/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 609

You deserved it 5 814

07/03/2015 15:58 - Bangladesh

Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 456

You deserved it 2 514

Customer service

By retailworker - 09/01/2020 14:00

Today, at work, I was helping a customer over the phone. Another customer came and asked me a question. I let them know I'd be with them shortly. They then said "I really think you should hang up. The customer is always first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 327

You deserved it 547

24/04/2014 02:21 - United Kingdom - Edgware

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 119

You deserved it 5 384

26/10/2016 06:42 - Australia - Glenwood

Today, my sister made a comment about my small boobs. I told her I'm actually a C cup, and she told me she "can't even C them". I just got roasted with a fucking pun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 630

You deserved it 1 308

25/12/2010 00:00 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 334

You deserved it 7 747

25/11/2015 17:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 768

You deserved it 2 421

21/06/2011 04:46 - China

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 691

You deserved it 13 021

29/01/2016 12:51 - United States - Rochester

Today, I received yet another letter from a relative bitching me out for not involving my parents in my wedding. The parents who showed no interest in our relationship and then yelled at my fiancé and me when we announced it to them, calling us stupid, naive, heathens, and mentally ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 967

You deserved it 1 724

30/12/2012 18:39 - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 607

You deserved it 40 049

30/06/2016 20:42 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 941

You deserved it 888

03/06/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, I was taken to my first session with my psychiatrist. The entirety of the facility, from the waiting room to the doc's office was decorated with dead butterflies in glass. I was there for my crippling mottephobia, the irrational fear of moths and butterflies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 773

You deserved it 4 540

29/01/2013 22:46 - United States

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 169

You deserved it 2 775

Revenge

By Brilee Bruxvoort - 25/12/2020 09:58 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, after I divorced my husband because of his extreme alcoholism, he's now sober and got his life together and I see the man I fell madly in love with. Apparently, getting better for revenge meant more than getting better for the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 184

03/05/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 597

You deserved it 26 969

25/07/2009 04:21 - Australia

Today, I went to the dentist to have two cavities filled. I hate the dentist. After he'd started drilling, I heard a "clunk" noise followed by an "Oops." My dentist had cut my tooth in half. Now I have to go to surgery to have the tooth extracted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 957

You deserved it 2 913

Go mom!

By disgusted - 04/10/2012 23:24 - United States - Clarksville

Spicy

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said, "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 604

You deserved it 3 258

26/01/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Spicy

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 493

You deserved it 5 280

01/01/2010 06:07 - Canada

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 198

You deserved it 33 138

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 07/02/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I vented to my friend about how unhappy I am and how I want to kill myself. What did she say? "Don't do that." That was it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 228

05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 031

You deserved it 11 412

13/04/2016 16:41 - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 859

You deserved it 6 704

15/09/2010 02:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 272

You deserved it 19 150

02/05/2019 04:00

Today, I found out just how much of a psychotically insecure nitwit my boyfriend is. He flew into a screaming rage that I was only adding cucumbers to my water and my meals lately to insinuate that he has a small penis. Yeah, I’m confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 223

11/08/2010 12:01 - Australia

Today, because the two other managers decided to go on a spa day together, I had to stay at work despite the fact I spent most of the day throwing up in the bathroom. They called me to say what a good day they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 228

You deserved it 2 897

20/03/2013 10:59 - Australia - Miranda

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 784

You deserved it 3 131

05/03/2013 00:41 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 145

You deserved it 2 747

30/12/2014 01:07 - United States - Bend

Today, on my first ski run down a mountain, I dislocated my patella. Now I get to watch out of the window as my family builds a snowman and names it after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 346

You deserved it 2 471

03/07/2013 04:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 680

You deserved it 3 673

12/03/2013 05:19 - United States

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 537

You deserved it 4 114

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

ZTD09 2

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:23

One true god.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:23

Your little sister is awesome.

Comments

ZTD09 2

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:23

One true god.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:10

And if you've been inspired to study this God, I suggest you start by YouTubing "Nicholas Cage losing his shit". Best compilation video known to man.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:29

Oh my god... He's like an angry toddler. I also think he reminds me of that kid that shoved the remote up his arse when his mom deleted his game account.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 19:23

"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?!?" *Proceeds to beat himself in the head with a boot.*

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 4:11

44 - You don't say.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 17:41

Nooooooooo

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:23

Your little sister is awesome.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:45

Yeah, don't let it DRIVE you ANGRY. She seems like a KICK ASS sister. Plus, she is part of your FAMILY, MAN. You can make those posters be GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS. Cool sisters like her are like a NATIONAL TREASURE, so no need to FACE OFF over an innocent prank. Though, you should prank her back just in the sport of SEEKING JUSTICE.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 7:56

This is the true sign of a Cage fan, but with movies like Con Air and Ghost Rider, how could you not worship him? You are blessed to have such a thoughtful and tasteful sister.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:24

Ha! Nick Cage is the best, high-5 your lil sis.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:24

You don't say? Tell me more about how bad having Nicholas Cage around your house is.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 22:06

Try sleeping with a Nicholas Cage cut out 2 feet away from your face.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 23:08

I'd rather sleep next to a Nick Cage cutout than a Beiber cutout.

Silly_Lilly6969 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:26

Best. Little. Sister. Ever!!!

melbournearsenal 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:26

Be happy she didn't decorate it with Justin Bieber or One Direction !

whatthefreshhell 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:28

Exactly! Unless she just printed pictures of Niall, that'd be acceptable.

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:54

that would be Harry ^

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:24

Idk. One Direction is still better than Beiber. He's the one that got his ass handed to him.

Chucklikesbacon 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:27

Not just one, but two!

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 18:45

36 I don't mind knowing harry's name.. It makes finding that video easier! Always brightens my day!

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 5:03

Directioners be like 'oh no you didn't!!'

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:28

Is your sisters name Jill? One of my friends did that yesterday

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:28

While locked up in your room, Do you feel like you're locked up in a cage? AWHHHH YEAHHH

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:59

I've been the creepy stalker dude, looking at the comments without posting, watching their styles. I've never seen anyone who does a pun an someone else says AWHHH YEAHH!

Chucklikesbacon 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:26

You're wearing sunglasses on your photo. How fitting.

davek 36

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 18:20

Despite all your rage...

HortonThelephant 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 18:45

You are still just a rat in a Cage lol

thefailgurl96 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 1:18

#64 haha I see what you did there xD

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:28

I wonder if she is a fellow Imgurian :o

ChristinaAAR 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:34

Honestly, this is probably the best thing I have read on here. Kudos to your little sis! Now go admire the pictures of Nic Cage :3

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 269

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 69