Miscellaneous: Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my...

By stuff - 16/08/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 594

You deserved it 6 283

Miscellaneous

Sorry…

Age difference

Compromises

By StillSingle - 29/06/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other single girl there was 5 years old. She caught the bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 243

You deserved it 5 073

Uptight girl, she's been living in her uptight world…

By TheVirginJenny - 07/10/2012 00:05 - United States - Spanaway

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 7 754

By Chef stupid - 11/08/2016 15:32 - United States - Houston

Today, while working at a fine-dining restaurant, I was dicing veggies. I was paying such close attention to make sure the veggies were all the same size, that I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 108

You deserved it 2 505

By kikinemo - 16/01/2010 21:05 - United States

Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 936

You deserved it 43 576

By Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 246

You deserved it 9 089

By Anonymous - 14/04/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 360

You deserved it 4 874

By serialkillingex - 07/05/2013 07:45 - Netherlands

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 078

You deserved it 8 059

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 21:43 - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 425

You deserved it 3 285

By creys - 18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 154

You deserved it 2 502

By Rich - 26/11/2011 20:50 - United States

Today, I admitted to my wife that I'd really like to get a Prius, but I was worried that if I did, everyone would question my sexuality. She told me, "I don't know why you care, everyone already thinks you're gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 329

You deserved it 9 538

The Dictator

By anonymous - 18/01/2012 05:06 - United States

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 062

You deserved it 4 097

By DeActivated - 04/05/2013 00:39 - United States - West Jordan

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 134

You deserved it 5 940

By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 19:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 487

You deserved it 2 745

By Al - 22/06/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 828

You deserved it 3 328

By foreveralone - 09/06/2015 15:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 2 210

By life// - 08/01/2013 23:56 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 5 172

By franky - 25/03/2013 21:45 - Germany - Brunswick

Today, at a romantic dinner my boyfriend was treating me to, the waiter brought a "Will you marry me?" cake out with candles and sparklers. I probably should have checked that they'd brought it to the right table before dramatically screaming "Yes!" and jumping into my boyfriend's arms. They hadn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 740

You deserved it 7 393

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 449

You deserved it 8 084

By Anonymous - 06/05/2018 06:00

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 385

You deserved it 1 373

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 14:41 - United States - Modesto

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 217

You deserved it 3 768

By LittleGina - 04/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Benson

Today, a woman was standing in front of me in line. There was a strand of hair on her back, so to be nice, I pulled it off her. It was still attached to her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 540

You deserved it 7 679

By onehundredpercenteffed - 14/08/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 137

You deserved it 20 603

By uhoh.. - 22/03/2015 19:51 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 343

You deserved it 2 994

By now have a cat - 24/04/2014 20:52 - United States - Glenview

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 742

You deserved it 3 948

By kitchencrime - 28/08/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 702

You deserved it 4 458

By bride2be - 14/02/2011 02:22 - United States

Today, I received my first wedding present in the mail. I opened it immediately and called the sender to say thanks. She yelled at me for opening it and, because she shipped it to me by mistake, requested it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 840

You deserved it 3 364

By Sue - 26/03/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 007

You deserved it 3 516

By Noname - 13/03/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 756

You deserved it 54 127

By sadgf - 25/07/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 723

You deserved it 8 839

By Anonymous - 14/11/2017 15:00

Today, I went on a hike. It had snowed the night before so I wore warm clothes. They didn’t help when I slipped and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 026

You deserved it 464

By TrueScotsman - 29/10/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 57 256

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 565

You deserved it 3 044

By Kolkata - 05/08/2012 23:25 - Canada

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 541

You deserved it 2 311

By Imretarded - 24/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 846

You deserved it 13 534

By mistickfae - 29/10/2012 18:42 - United States

Today, I was complimented for having amazingly lifelike warts as part of my witch costume, and was asked how I achieved the effect so well. I didn't have the heart to admit they were just my pimples under green makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 863

You deserved it 2 243

By learntmylesson - 03/07/2010 04:15 - France

Today, I politely asked my friend if she would repay me the £20 she owes me. She shouted at me, called me an insensitive bitch, and refuses to pay me back as apparently she can't afford to. Her holiday to Italy next week begs to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 195

You deserved it 3 727

By evomadrid24 - 02/06/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 110

You deserved it 2 781

By anonymous - 11/04/2011 03:26

Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said "see you in Kansas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 230

You deserved it 8 239

Possession

By Katelyn_Louise - 01/05/2021 10:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 764

By tillybonkers - 26/09/2018 22:00

Today, I helped a guy in a flaming car by busting his window to get him out. I didn't realize until after the crash scene was cleared, that I didn't just have his blood on me, but I also had cut from the window. Round 3 of aids testing here I come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 065

You deserved it 278

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funnyfml 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 13:39

you can't put the symptoms into google if you don't have an internet connection..

bco12 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:53

so plug your phone in next time. (assuming it was your cell)

OH_NOT_AGAIN 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:19

my phone does that too. and first.

NuclearWinter 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 13:24

#1 posts always suck. They are always written by people who frantically type the first thing that comes to their mind, desperately trying to get the first comment in.

lottofee 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 14:32

no, not always. remember redbluegreens post on this fml of a guy, dumped by his bf, because he couldn't remember the amount of days they where a couple? it was the first post and it coukd have ended there, because she said it all http://www.fmylife.com/love/4541155

DeadMansCrack 4

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Sunday 16 August 2009 16:35

Why do you guys care so much? OH_NOT_AGAIN isn't a troll, and he's not saying anything to get people angry. I don't see what the big deal is. @ OP-That kind of sucks, but shouldn't you be able to recharge it?

xxianx 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 18:27

They care because the only thing they have in their lives in trying to be first on here, so when they dont get it they have to make fun of and/or bitch at the first poster. For me, i find the comments more entertaining than the actuall FML, because you have the idiots with no lives argueing about absolutely nothing. Usually brings a smile to my face in the morning :)

divineinstrument 2

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Sunday 16 August 2009 19:36

Couldn't agree more with #31 The little bitch-fights that people have over the whole "First!" thing are just ridiculous.

DameGreyWulf 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:09

Your mother.

icrest80 4

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Monday 17 August 2009 6:19

@ 12 maybe if u stop commenting on things other than the FML that just makes ur comment just as bad as #1s. and this comment makes mine as bad as urs and #1s but this is just 1 time um sure u do it all the time

nofeckingfair 0

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Monday 17 August 2009 7:19

You deserve it- use a landline phone. It's cheaper and it won't die.

Cjw1220 0

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 13:45

Boo-fucking-hoo, this happens to me once a week

glassisass 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:23

happend to me once too. and i called them and waited for 2 hours. then i had to talk to this stupid indian dude. who knew nothing about computers. he was like " is you modem on?" i was like wtf do you think. then i got board and hung up. 10 min later it magically worked.

Fadakar 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:23

You probably would not have understood them anyway, it's alright. ;p

raiderh808 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:23

sounds like someone is trying to tell you "get off your ass and learn something about computer networks instead of calling the guy" lol ydi for being lazy.

timtam24 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:26

i don't see how that's lazy

IceCubez 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 13:51

By calling the guy, that's how he learns, dumbass.

raiderh808 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:27

it's called put the symptoms into google

funnyfml 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 13:39

you can't put the symptoms into google if you don't have an internet connection..

Awnonymous 4

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:32

This is why your life sucks, kill yourself.

ALittleBitCrazy 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:39

U like attention don't you?

robotiick 12

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Friday 8 April 2011 4:06

dude u no ppl take this serious sometimes a$$ wipe y dnt u 4 being a F|_|cking annoying bi+ch

BioProject 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:36

It was Dell wasn't it? And wtf #7?

bco12 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 12:53

so plug your phone in next time. (assuming it was your cell)

barlessprison 16

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Sunday 16 August 2009 13:03

Didn't your phone beep to signal your battery was low? Either way, like what #10 said, you should have plugged it in.

4ube_fml 6

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Sunday 16 August 2009 14:03

company hotlines takes way too much time to anwser, so yes, FYL. #2 you're an ass, they have to ask you those questions because it's protocol. And sometimes customers are morons