Intimacy: Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house...

By Anonymous - 07/08/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 928

You deserved it 18 446

Intimacy

My booze

You just had to be special

Right place, wrong person

Sex vs. housework

By hesitator - 01/07/2017 18:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I got excited over a canceled booty call, just so I wouldn't have to clean the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 826

You deserved it 989

By nonexistant - 29/10/2010 04:33 - United States

Today, a cute girl came up to me with her boyfriend and said, "If you end up looking like him, it's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 970

You deserved it 2 933

By Anonymous - 16/08/2014 04:30 - United States - Olney

Today, my car got towed. My money is in my car and they won't let me open my car to get money until my car is "released". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 183

You deserved it 5 217

By Anonymous - 03/06/2014 09:46 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 150

You deserved it 17 639

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 23:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 466

You deserved it 6 068

By mattlikesfunions - 18/07/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 667

You deserved it 1 217

By ooops - 04/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 576

You deserved it 7 257

By lfssecond - 30/05/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 689

You deserved it 25 538

Oh, hi… you

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 18:01 - United States - Exeter

Today, a girl said hi to me very enthusiastically at school, and I heard her friends laughing afterward. I was too lazy to put in my contact lenses this morning so I couldn't tell who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 591

By booyouwhoree - 03/03/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 769

You deserved it 18 351

By Username - 26/04/2011 19:11 - United States

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 896

You deserved it 40 180

What more do you want?

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 14:30

Today, I was told I don't qualify for disability benefits because I'm too young. I get this answer each time I apply, no matter how many lawyers and doctors I get. My mobility is so bad I've become wheelchair-bound and need assistance to bathe. How much worse do they want me to get? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 725

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 18:41 - United States - Barrington

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 889

You deserved it 5 652

By xxruby - 24/02/2015 21:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 208

You deserved it 3 519

By "PineappleOfMyEye" - 13/12/2018 12:30

I went to check my grade that was posted for an essay for my comp 1 class. I got a zero. I was devastated only to find out I never actually clicked the submit document button. My grade dropped 20 points.

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 2 427

By fuck my eyeballs - 01/12/2013 23:07 - United States - Rancho Palos Verdes

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 038

You deserved it 22 202

Chocolate chip

By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 14:00

Today, I was eating chocolate chip cookies around the house and saw a chocolate chip on the floor. Not wanting my dog to eat it, given that chocolate is poisonous for dogs, I swiped it up with my finger and put it to my mouth. It was then that I realized it was a stub of my dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 2 778

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 22:00

Today, I had a party at my house. I have a nice laptop that I hook up to the stereo, but someone almost spilt beer on it, so I took it downstairs. Later on in the night, I went down to look something up on it. Someone had taken a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 380

By morgan_rumm - 11/07/2014 20:02

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 667

You deserved it 4 713

By brutality - 15/06/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 867

You deserved it 4 098

By Anto - 03/12/2008 06:11 - France

Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 867

You deserved it 6 866

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 862

You deserved it 3 991

By The greatest Illusion ever - 28/10/2013 20:31 - United States

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 104

You deserved it 21 344

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 00:00

Today, I slipped and gashed my head bad enough that my head had to be shaved to be sewn up. Right after it had finished growing back from chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 941

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Fall City

Today, two days before a big weight lifting competition with a $3,000 grand prize, I broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 490

You deserved it 676

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 12:00

Today, while I was sitting in the living room with my mother, my phone rang. She immediately exclaimed, "I'm not calling you! Why is it going off?" She was serious. My own mother doesn't believe people talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 166

Wealth

By Anonymous - 06/09/2021 13:59

Today, after about 8 hours of working and making huge orders, I received my share of tips. It was only a quarter. One single quarter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 66

By siddance - 04/09/2015 18:08 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had an extreme panic attack in the middle of class. I interrupted another person's presentation, burst into tears, and ran out of class whilst everyone looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 835

You deserved it 3 510

By time to lawyer up - 20/02/2014 21:20 - United States - Forney

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 365

You deserved it 52 836

By Anonymous - 12/08/2016 12:24 - United States - Huron

Today, I found out I and a coworker may get laid off soon, all because my boss's niece told him she can do both our jobs all by herself, and for less money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 552

You deserved it 1 057

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 21:31 - United States

Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 834

You deserved it 5 003

Fake it til you make it

By foreveralone15 - 24/06/2021 10:59

Today, I sprained an arm muscle while pretending to lift weights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 708

By antisocial - 12/08/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, I told my parents that I wasn't feeling very social and up for company. How do they try to make me feel better? By inviting a whole bunch of people I don't know to a pool party at my house. They said I should face my fears. I'm now in my room, hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 913

You deserved it 9 121

You tried

By briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 349

You deserved it 7 702

By StairwayToEvan92 - 24/09/2018 13:30

Today, I ran over a recently-killed skunk in the road. My truck now smells absolutely rancid, and the smell will probably last for months. At least it goes well with my dog, who was also skunked 6 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 274

By sunny_funny - 23/03/2017 19:00 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I'm on a residential trip for 4 days with 72 children, 5 other staff and 72 sets of parents who want to be on the phone to me constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 655

You deserved it 444

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 05:03 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 538

You deserved it 6 219

By Dani - 05/12/2014 21:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 398

You deserved it 3 353

By Cali girl - 03/04/2014 16:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 127

You deserved it 7 555

By CMANIA - 07/09/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 968

You deserved it 6 605

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Top comments

sourgirl101 28

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:28

Grandma: "Honey, there's no such things as ghosts. That's just mommy getting laid" ^Now there's an FML ;)

Jessi_the_sexii 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:16

lol ydi for being a screamer

Sebs005 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:14

first

moofin123456 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:18

ahah That's hilarious

MaxSnacks 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:19

Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much.... They fuck.

Sharpie23 7

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:19

haha maybe you should look into bondage where they put duct tape over your mouth or something

MissRaiin 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:23

kids always say funny stuff...I love it

MnBran6 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:24

That's a classic

PizzaGuy11 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:25

oh joy...

Arsonnist 3

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:26

Maybe he is hurt. Do you get rough? That would be even more traumatizing.

hahoon11 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:29

haha go with it and make the kid believe the house is actually haunted and that if he tells anyone else the ghost will come for him next

420pium 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:32

who u gonna call

skroal 7

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:34

YDI for your four year old telling your mother-in-law that your house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt.

bunny911 16

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:37

#30,  meow!

fisheatsbear 6

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:40

Damn you #27 you got that song stuck in my head.

treyroxx 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:46

GHOST BUSTERS

luckymay 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:47

ahaha that's gold ! :)

skroal 7

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:56

32 - LOL

smileanyway 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 10:25

Don't enjoy 'haunting the house' so much and just keep it down when you are and you wouldn't have this problem ;)

arcticcatman007 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 10:28

ghostbusters!!!

pnutbutterandkel_fml 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 10:29

hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Brittney_E 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 10:57

well someones satisfied...?

dont_be_that_guy_fml 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 11:04

skroal congrats! No one is bagging on you this time. unless I didn't read far enough!

sillyollie 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 11:23

ahahah nice orphan reference.

HeroOfMi 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:24

i'm waiting for people to realize skroal only does what he does to get a reaction...

onelove222 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:35

fuck you skroal! I hope your soul,spirit and corpse burn in hell : )

SacOmonkeyNuts 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 13:55

skroal has bieber hair....FAG

soul_fml 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 14:16

WIN

JayColt 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 14:18

41 - GAY

Mumbellosity711 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 14:37

response: see son, you live in a place that is called a "whorehouse" and this happens to every kid at some time in their lives...

DuDMadness 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 14:52

I just a Boner...

emiley0413 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:43

ghost busters!!!! :p who u gonna call GHOST BUSTERS!!!

swimmerstud 7

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Saturday 7 August 2010 16:58

97- about 6 people hve already said tht. tht kid is soooo funny!

BallinJ 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 17:37

u should let the 4 yr old watch and see wat is really going on

Hazelfbabyyy 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 18:58

This kind of made me horny.

zanguard 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 21:02

Well atleast the ghost is saying daddy's name and not grandpa's

Sniper3000 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 21:38

#30 you repeated the fml about the 24 year old girlfriend as well wtf.

dridri97 0

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Sunday 8 August 2010 0:07

11 is dat from the movie orphan??!!!!

rockediny 0

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Sunday 8 August 2010 7:04

111 me too! I say we do something about it....masturbation :D

usmc2016 0

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Sunday 8 August 2010 7:44

pwned

RainbowBitch15 11

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Sunday 8 August 2010 15:12

agreed 16. OP, your kid is awesome.

SSJVegeta 0

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Sunday 8 August 2010 16:44

Who you gonna call? Ghost Nappa!

thetweak70 2

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Monday 9 August 2010 2:21

11 - lmao

hijueputa 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 8:01

^^ damn, and you are a fucking nickel!

kool_me 0

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Tuesday 10 August 2010 7:51

jeez 72 show ur face in ur pic if ur gonna have one!

sexybeastsexybea 0

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 7:09

kids say the darndest things? *nervous laugh*

jmtafoya22 2

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Friday 13 August 2010 12:27

Haha. That sucks. But it's still pretty funny

zadie 6

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Monday 3 January 2011 10:52

shoot now I got that song in my head... ugh thanks a lot. :)

naida123 0

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 6:45

Ur hott

naida123 0

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 6:49

Your hot

threer 30

Monday 16 September 2013 1:03

#27, JOHN EGBERT!

campbellshayla73 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:15

rly ackward I bet

DarkHelmet 10

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:40

hahahaha way to go Dad!!!! putting down the pipe

ALindsey 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 20:06

I feel like this is from the same person that let their four year old watch porn haha

TheNinjaCat 10

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Monday 5 September 2011 14:37

*awkward :)

Jessi_the_sexii 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:16

lol ydi for being a screamer

kaijapapaya 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 10:34

Comprehension fail.

kaijapapaya 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 10:38

Oh nevermind...I guess it doesn't really specify if OP is the mom or dad. Dang, I just blew my chance at being a Nazi! :)

Jessi_the_sexii 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 11:20

OP is clearly a woman, "and daddys name" either OP is a gay man with an adopted child or you sir cannot read

beeboyaxl 2

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Saturday 11 June 2011 3:33

screamer! I feel sorry for your 4 year old..

awsomechick212 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:16

omfg! that's so freakin funny

zaqqcham 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 9:17

I just saw a video on youtube similar to this

validus 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 11:04

French condom commercial? "maman a dit que je peux!"

aekkoukla 0

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Thursday 12 August 2010 19:02

#76 c'est tres amusante!

ALlamaOnFire 20

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Friday 9 November 2012 7:30

Well, sorry to be a French grammar nazi, if the commenter above me wanted to say 'it was' (past) it should be c'était, not c'est (present). But if you did want to say 'it is', ignore me 8D