By blushingbride - United States - Alpharetta Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML I agree, your life sucks 37278 You deserved it 4419 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML I agree, your life sucks 34269 You deserved it 4973 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mylifesucks - Netherlands Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML I agree, your life sucks 123104 You deserved it 7000 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WetWalking - United States - Tyler Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML I agree, your life sucks 42046 You deserved it 3739 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By -___- - Canada - Montr?al Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML I agree, your life sucks 50521 You deserved it 5607 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By coral - United States Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 53519 You deserved it 12355 198 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rashree - United States Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML I agree, your life sucks 24548 You deserved it 3533 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jerry Such a Jerry thing to do... Today, I woke up and realized I didn't start a fire last night. I live in Alaska and our winter nights can reach -30 below zero. My fish are dead, my plasma television won't turn on, and the cat has frostbite. FML I agree, your life sucks 4490 You deserved it 3180 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tulisa - United States - Alexandria Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML I agree, your life sucks 32259 You deserved it 4425 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By -_- - United States Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 45318 You deserved it 4590 260 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/3/2020 23:01 Confinement's gonna be fun Today, I left the house to get groceries. My parents asked me where I was going and how long I would be gone for. Thinking they were just being inquisitive parents, I ignored them. I got home 20 minutes later to them having sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 762 You deserved it 2104 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yourfault - United Kingdom - Kingston Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML I agree, your life sucks 66672 You deserved it 6751 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pits Today, I finally noticed after months of having the same cover photo on several websites, that it looks like I have a bushel of armpit hair due to a shadow. FML I agree, your life sucks 28677 You deserved it 4912 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - South Africa Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 31539 You deserved it 2799 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Clermont Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML I agree, your life sucks 16923 You deserved it 41804 249 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Leigha - Trinidad and Tobago Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML I agree, your life sucks 7186 You deserved it 50000 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML I agree, your life sucks 29456 You deserved it 5343 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fishfloors Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML I agree, your life sucks 4267 You deserved it 856 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wrecked - United States Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML I agree, your life sucks 69201 You deserved it 5605 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By chocobo Supreme Betrayal Today, I discovered that my family routinely waits until after my bedtime to order a pepperoni pizza, my favorite food. If that wasn't bad enough, I'm 17 and still have a strictly enforced bedtime. FML I agree, your life sucks 4386 You deserved it 511 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CrawlingUnderARock Today, I discovered that a company has been using a photo of me for one of those "she lost 50 pounds" online ads. I'm the "before" photo. FML I agree, your life sucks 3206 You deserved it 354 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dazedandconfused - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States Happy Holidays! Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss, who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Year's. FML I agree, your life sucks 9597 You deserved it 568 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By isucksomuch - Canada Today, I found out my mother cleans the dishes with bathroom cleaning chemicals. She doesn't see anything wrong with this. FML I agree, your life sucks 34958 You deserved it 2659 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Blackshadows - United States - Somerset Today, I accidentally poured milk into my bowl of chips. FML I agree, your life sucks 23854 You deserved it 8340 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML I agree, your life sucks 18631 You deserved it 50328 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By idontevengetpaid - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro Today, I arrived at my internship at 7 am after three hours of sleep with a massive hangover. When I got there, my boss told me he had made a mistake and I was meant to come in next week. He then said, "Well, now that you're here, you might as well get some work done. Come in next week as well." FML I agree, your life sucks 10096 You deserved it 15102 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BerkeleyBiker - United States Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML I agree, your life sucks 36272 You deserved it 3710 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Chandler Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML I agree, your life sucks 49101 You deserved it 11924 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bellagirl - United States Sex talk Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 38353 You deserved it 5463 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML I agree, your life sucks 34754 You deserved it 6693 204 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Theslacker... - United States - Coplay Today, a number of people came to visit me in the hospital, including my grandparents. They called me "weak" and "a cowardly millennial" for going to the ER instead of sucking it up, and blamed me for rising healthcare costs. I had a compound fracture. FML I agree, your life sucks 4172 You deserved it 265 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FamilySecret - United States Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting it away since he was working late. I opened his sock drawer and sitting on top was a photo of his mother, naked. FML I agree, your life sucks 58670 You deserved it 4789 270 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alejita - United States Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML I agree, your life sucks 56024 You deserved it 9803 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By technodont - United States Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML I agree, your life sucks 26212 You deserved it 4297 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By newly passed, newly grassed - United Kingdom - Birmingham Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML I agree, your life sucks 32041 You deserved it 8351 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notsoonenufdeparted - United States Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML I agree, your life sucks 46176 You deserved it 4785 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rogerusmc23 - Japan Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML I agree, your life sucks 38166 You deserved it 4585 319 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fat - United States - Lancaster Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML I agree, your life sucks 46114 You deserved it 4965 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fedUPwithPEOPLE - United States - Enterprise Today, the city shut off our water, because they said we didn't pay the bill. Turns out, it was sitting on their desk the whole time. I guess sending someone out to turn off our water was easier than checking to see if we'd actually paid the bill. FML I agree, your life sucks 45370 You deserved it 3206 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML I agree, your life sucks 37781 You deserved it 4767 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cheech - United States Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML I agree, your life sucks 18558 You deserved it 58126 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By adamo_erebus | 25 #5853740 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:20 At least he cleared it out of his nose before it ended up in your mouth? :D Send a private message 84 7 Reply
By bjhhjh | 20 #5853741 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:21 He wanted to be his cleanest for you Send a private message 69 4 Reply
By adamo_erebus | 25 #5853740 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:20 At least he cleared it out of his nose before it ended up in your mouth? :D Send a private message 84 7 Reply
Reply DocDrose | 20 #5853764 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:51 that thought... gross... Send a private message 7 14 Reply
Reply Enslaved | 36 #5853782 - Monday 10 February 2014 10:31 The OP's name is "blushingbride". Does that mean he did it at their wedding alter? Because that could change everything. Send a private message 43 3 Reply
Reply Queen_bee1234 | 21 #5853813 - Monday 10 February 2014 12:20 Shmurr... Send a private message 11 1 Reply
Reply iglesia | 11 #5853861 - Monday 10 February 2014 13:35 We should start connecting everyone's username with their fml Send a private message 3 19 Reply
By bjhhjh | 20 #5853741 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:21 He wanted to be his cleanest for you Send a private message 69 4 Reply
Reply frozen92_fml | 12 #5853805 - Monday 10 February 2014 11:48 Now that's love Send a private message 15 3 Reply
By xadoringx | 29 #5853742 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:22 Oh the joys of marriage? :/ Send a private message 14 23 Reply
By rapunzel3416 | 28 #5853743 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:22 He wanted to make sure he could breathe through his nose so he could use his mouth for a better purpose. Send a private message 59 3 Reply
By naxeeb | 33 #5853744 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:22 Well, better out than on your face!! Or maybe he wanted to be able to breathe properly? Send a private message 31 4 Reply
By rachelottavia | 16 #5853745 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:23 What a gentleman. Pick and flick? Send a private message 5 18 Reply
By Sports_guy3 | 28 #5853746 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:23 Disgusting... but did he stick it in his mouth? Send a private message 1 28 Reply
Reply warsun | 27 #5853754 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:35 If he did then OP would of said that too :/ Send a private message 5 15 Reply
By chutney_02 | 22 #5853747 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:25 He needs to learn what his priorities should be Send a private message 6 21 Reply
Reply xerbrus | 14 #5853986 - Monday 10 February 2014 17:22 she needs to learn priorities and i bet more than half of you saying eww are pickers too most everyone does it its a human thing there are many many girls that pick their noses too but won't admit it Send a private message 12 5 Reply
Reply Hiimhaileypotter | 52 #5855113 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 19:56 Get a tissue and blow your nose... don't just shove your finger in your nostrils. That's gross. Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By MrAsquared100 | 14 #5853749 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:27 oh that's snot very nice... Send a private message 47 8 Reply
Reply jellybeens_fml | 16 #5853850 - Monday 10 February 2014 13:28 Using puns are like flipping coins, sometimes people love 'em, other times people wanna murder you every hour Send a private message 16 1 Reply
Reply MrAsquared100 | 14 #5855064 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 19:25 this time I'm glad I'm not dead :') your profile pic btw is amusing. Send a private message 0 2 Reply
By xximikeixx | 8 #5853750 - Monday 10 February 2014 9:28 Trying to get you some gold by digging for it! *badum tiss*! Send a private message 4 25 Reply
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking... I agree, your life sucks 40 You deserved it 277 4 Comments
Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until... I agree, your life sucks 82 You deserved it 432 6 Comments