Love: Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

By unattractive - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32448

You deserved it

6340

Favorite

Love

Vulture

Season finale

When pranking goes too far

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45635

You deserved it

4886

Favorite

By ShouldIHelpIt - United States - Northampton

Today, I woke up to hear dripping water in the kitchen. Thinking it was someone getting a glass of water or something, I came out to find that it was just a mouse drowning in my dog's water bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12708

You deserved it

907

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27183

You deserved it

49455

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Monson

Today, I started my new job as the only IT tech for my office. My first task: untangling the hundred mice the previous tech tied together for "fun". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24764

You deserved it

1773

Favorite

By AbFlab - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34711

You deserved it

5196

Favorite

By o.v. - Bangladesh

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16052

You deserved it

47502

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31984

You deserved it

5346

Favorite

By Steephx0

Today, I found out the "free" protein bars at my gym are actually for a fundraiser for children's cancer. I've been taking one every day for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4455

You deserved it

3394

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 20:01

Sore

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in 2 weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2264

You deserved it

238

Favorite

By yes i meant ex-boyfriend - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56285

You deserved it

5771

Favorite

By jobless

Today, I had my first interview after weeks of applying everywhere, but I got turned away for being "inappropriately dressed" for the interview. I was wearing the smartest clothes I own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1549

You deserved it

454

Favorite

By TCRII - United States - Springfield

Today, it's the first day of our honeymoon. My bride just informed me that she invited her ex-husband to come, so he can spend time with the kids. He will be here in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2472

You deserved it

239

Favorite

By shwasted - United States

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27452

You deserved it

3762

Favorite

By jwhizzle - Australia

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29155

You deserved it

3015

Favorite

By dammitall - United States

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42259

You deserved it

4838

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was told at my babysitting job that I can't bring my toddler with me. My employer is my best friend. Now I have to find a babysitter for my kid if I want to babysit hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31786

You deserved it

2871

Favorite

By Ad-s - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11399

You deserved it

22731

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fair Haven

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27941

You deserved it

2203

Favorite

By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44354

You deserved it

2678

Favorite

By drew_ar85 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36925

You deserved it

6662

Favorite

By failbaby - United States

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49472

You deserved it

24154

Favorite

By disappointed - 10/12/2020 20:02 - Canada - Brantford

Late term

Today, I had to pick my son up from jail. He was pulled over for having a busted tail light, gave the officer his licence, realized he gave the officer his fake ID and then the dumbass gave the cop his real one. Is it too late for a vasectomy? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1192

You deserved it

293

Favorite

By a genius - United States

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14863

You deserved it

60170

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9099

You deserved it

68076

Favorite

By dumbluck - United States

Today, I was driving in stop and go traffic and passed two accidents in the process. I got nervous and decided to change routes to avoid getting hit. As I was trying to find an alternative route on my GPS, I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9292

You deserved it

56322

Favorite

By ...

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3312

You deserved it

5457

Favorite

By LadyGrey

Today, returning home from a party, I realised I'd forgotten my keys. My roommate was sleeping so soundly that after an hour of throwing gravel and ringing the doorbell, I had to give up and get a room at the hotel over the road. For €85 I had a view of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27937

You deserved it

6244

Favorite

By Bunni - Australia

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14793

You deserved it

30020

Favorite

By fmylife7721 - Canada

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16810

You deserved it

47636

Favorite

By assassinmaster

Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5809

You deserved it

416

Favorite

By NoPocketforme - 4/4/2021 00:30

Little shit

Today, I ate the last Hot Pocket in the house. My little brother threw a temper tantrum and poured a bucket of water all over my desk and Macbook. My mom’s response? “Aw he’s just a little boy.” My brother is 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1314

You deserved it

Favorite

By hihaay - United States

Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30045

You deserved it

2946

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66380

You deserved it

11797

Favorite

By unsuckable - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23820

You deserved it

4140

Favorite

By kalamar5 - Norway - Sarpsborg

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43751

You deserved it

5443

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Cornwall

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29275

You deserved it

2294

Favorite

By shaunaaa - Australia

Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34249

You deserved it

5319

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33003

You deserved it

3310

Favorite

By Iceicebaby - United Kingdom - London

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5120

You deserved it

643

Favorite

By abonde29

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying he's gay. I was thrilled and told him I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4185

You deserved it

535

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Doortje | 29

#1861690 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:55

If that's not true love then what is?

By redbluegreen | 40

#1861796 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:13

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. Oh wait.

COMMENTS

By AMDJB | 0

#1861686 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:54

FIRST

breakofdawn1 | 0

#1861720 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

shut up

heyheywaddup | 7

#1861947 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:56

Soo did u pick it?!?!

sugarr0babby0 | 0

#1861989 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:05

25- I'm guessing not..since she made it into an FML? sheesh.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1862268 - Saturday 18 December 2010 18:21

Sexxxyy(;

sexybeastsexybea | 0

#1862426 - Saturday 18 December 2010 20:10

kinky.

sugarr0babby0 | 0

#1864264 - Sunday 19 December 2010 6:08

kinky..

BDTM | 0

#1872386 - Tuesday 21 December 2010 8:17

kinky... :D

jomo111 | 5

#3533928 - Thursday 3 November 2011 2:43

Wtf

By Doortje | 29

#1861690 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:55

If that's not true love then what is?

starile | 19

#1861766 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:06

I have no idea. Can't possibly be anything else.

penguin7 | 0

#1861871 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:36

agreed

jazzy21 | 0

#1862517 - Saturday 18 December 2010 21:18

Hmm maybe OP's boyfriend was trying to indirectly call her a "Gold Digger"
xD

punkylemon | 4

#1864431 - Sunday 19 December 2010 6:59

win^

By velvel | 7

#1861707 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

aw now you guys are really best buds!

By TerrorDollie | 0

#1861715 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

That's a sign that he's way too comfortable around you.

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1861819 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:22

No such thing.

funktown | 2

#1862340 - Saturday 18 December 2010 19:22

ya 5 wat r u talking about. 16 is right, u want that

ThoraxeTheImpale_fml | 0

#1862431 - Saturday 18 December 2010 20:14

#5 I want your shirt!!!

NeverShoutHaylee | 0

#1862912 - Saturday 18 December 2010 23:44

I love your shirt 5 ^-^

TheCheyenneMorga | 3

#1865536 - Sunday 19 December 2010 12:16

You can get the shirt at Hot Topic. Just saying.

By astressedperson | 0

#1861729 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:00

did u do it???

By starile | 19

#1861744 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:04

Just smile sweetly as you use a pen to pick his nose :) Don't forget to use a sharp jabbing motion!

LiveLaughLaugh | 9

#1862086 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:25

lol :)

By Siji | 0

#1861760 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:05

Celebrities also :)

By YeOoXcRuZiTo | 0

#1861768 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:06

lOl woW...
tighT

By perdix | 29

#1861794 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:13

I hope you drove a hard bargain about who gets to keep the buried treasure!

By redbluegreen | 40

#1861796 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:13

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. Oh wait.

ImaginaryFoe | 0

#1861831 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:23

Asario | 0

#1862193 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:58

classic :]X ^^

Iknoweverything | 29

#1862344 - Saturday 18 December 2010 19:23

you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch!