Love: Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

By unattractive - 18/12/2010 09:32 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 469

You deserved it 6 341

Love

Compromises

Leave us alone

Creepy

By sarahpft - 13/09/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, my parents told me they wouldn't be able to afford my senior portraits. That was fine with me, until I found some expensive professional photos in the mail. Of our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 141

You deserved it 2 463

By still single - 06/08/2015 01:22 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 614

You deserved it 3 006

By analinguist - 20/02/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 905

You deserved it 45 792

By Username - 26/07/2010 02:32 - France

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 192

You deserved it 4 873

By uh-oh - 25/03/2012 05:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 524

You deserved it 3 711

By Unloving - 31/12/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 952

You deserved it 5 002

By moron - 09/05/2011 17:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 7 479

Wham!

By Omar Khalaf - 28/09/2017 01:30

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 022

You deserved it 385

By nonnie31 - 25/04/2016 19:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I arrived for the two-week scuba diving vacation I spent months saving, planning, and looking forward to. Today, I also developed an ear infection and can't scuba dive for 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 273

You deserved it 914

By Emily Salt - 15/02/2011 08:34

Today, whilst nibbling on my husband's ear, I swallowed a lump of his earwax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 104

You deserved it 25 110

By Badnewca - 14/05/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 067

You deserved it 5 190

By sumerflame07 - 01/12/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 285

You deserved it 3 784

By naughtymommy0317 - 20/06/2013 08:47 - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 992

You deserved it 5 893

Home Improvement

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 23:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I heard what sounded like an explosion from the basement of my house. Turns out my foundation cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 38

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 16:17 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 297

You deserved it 6 087

The heat is on

By Emma - 17/03/2021 22:59

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 82

By nen_00 - 14/09/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger than me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 219

You deserved it 44 109

Not a joke!

By Ewt - 06/12/2019 05:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I found out that my best friend does not wash her hands after going to the bathroom, even if she changes her pad. I then remembered all the times she handed food to me, and teased me when I tried to wash my hands first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 253

You deserved it 182

By Crawlinginmymemes - 02/10/2016 18:46 - United States - Danvers

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 909

You deserved it 1 970

Alas…

By Mum2be - 15/08/2021 04:01

Today, I saved a kitten from the streets, cleaned her up and asked the vet what I should do with her because she was the sweetest thing and my cat has a highly contagious illness. The vet had to put her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 91

By S4L - 02/07/2009 04:13 - France

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 741

You deserved it 23 349

By CRH - 03/05/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 758

You deserved it 20 948

Worst father ever

By Dick. - 13/05/2021 22:01

Today, my father was watching the story on the TV news of a girl who was killed by an Uber driver when trying to return home. The only thing he said was, "Serves her well for being a slut." I have two younger sisters and one among them had a miscarriage after her abusive ex-boyfriend raped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 100

By SoggyPancakes - 11/03/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 743

You deserved it 71 659

By Jolabanane - 21/05/2015 11:51 - France

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 178

You deserved it 2 078

By unfortunate419 - 17/02/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, I brought my new girlfriend over to show off to my family when my senile great-grandmother walked into the room wearing nothing but her underpants asking when the Olympics come on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 392

You deserved it 2 712

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 07:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 659

You deserved it 39 241

By creeper-status - 05/05/2016 17:37 - United States - Irvine

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 085

You deserved it 957

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 722

You deserved it 10 146

By Stacy - 05/07/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 909

You deserved it 8 422

By Tottie - 24/06/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 389

You deserved it 41 212

By Oh hello there - 17/06/2018 01:30

Today, I accidentally left my Nintendo 3DS at the barbershop, so I rushed back to get it. The 60-year-old barber had destroyed it with a hammer, saying it was a weapon of the devil. I was gone 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 045

You deserved it 593

Stuck on amber

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 16:58

Today, I'm living with my now ex-girlfriend of 9 years in the house we bought together. What's worse than that is the fact that 2 weeks before she told me she was unhappy and ended it, I had bought an engagement ring. I didn't get the chance to ask, and had to return the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 186

Nervous

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 20:00

Today, I went to see my girlfriend to talk about my anxiety, because it's been a big issue. She broke up with me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 106

By hanmart - 15/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my coworker shared a laugh with the boss about setting the office desk on fire (which he actually did), while ten minutes later I was threatened with being fired because I made paper snowflakes and hung a few of them next to the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 372

You deserved it 2 621

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 3 793

Socks 4 Life

By Socklessandsmelly - 26/05/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed, asking, "Is that your feet?" I'd forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 793

You deserved it 47 335

By snowman - 13/11/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, my city got almost a foot of snow. When I went out to my car, it was covered in snow with a layer of ice underneath. I went to open the trunk to get the window scraper, when the snow that had collected on the top of my back window slid into my trunk. My laptop was the recipient of most of the snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 394

You deserved it 8 787

By helpme - 24/11/2015 06:34 - United States - Annapolis

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 551

You deserved it 4 615

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 878

You deserved it 3 234

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Top comments

Doortje 29

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Saturday 18 December 2010 15:55

If that's not true love then what is?

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:13

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. Oh wait.

AMDJB 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 15:54

FIRST

breakofdawn1 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

shut up

heyheywaddup 7

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:56

Soo did u pick it?!?!

sugarr0babby0 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 17:05

25- I'm guessing not..since she made it into an FML? sheesh.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 18 December 2010 18:21

Sexxxyy(;

sexybeastsexybea 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 20:10

kinky.

sugarr0babby0 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 6:08

kinky..

BDTM 0

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Tuesday 21 December 2010 8:17

kinky... :D

jomo111 5

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Thursday 3 November 2011 2:43

Wtf

Doortje 29

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Saturday 18 December 2010 15:55

If that's not true love then what is?

starile 19

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:06

I have no idea. Can't possibly be anything else.

penguin7 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:36

agreed

jazzy21 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 21:18

Hmm maybe OP's boyfriend was trying to indirectly call her a "Gold Digger" xD

punkylemon 4

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Sunday 19 December 2010 6:59

win^

velvel 7

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Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

aw now you guys are really best buds!

TerrorDollie 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

That's a sign that he's way too comfortable around you.

SmallTownCutie 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:22

No such thing.

funktown 2

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Saturday 18 December 2010 19:22

ya 5 wat r u talking about. 16 is right, u want that

ThoraxeTheImpale_fml 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 20:14

#5 I want your shirt!!!

NeverShoutHaylee 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 23:44

I love your shirt 5 ^-^

TheCheyenneMorga 3

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:16

You can get the shirt at Hot Topic. Just saying.

astressedperson 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:00

did u do it???

starile 19

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:04

Just smile sweetly as you use a pen to pick his nose :) Don't forget to use a sharp jabbing motion!

LiveLaughLaugh 9

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Saturday 18 December 2010 17:25

lol :)

Siji 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:05

Celebrities also :)

YeOoXcRuZiTo 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:06

lOl woW... tighT

perdix 29

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:13

I hope you drove a hard bargain about who gets to keep the buried treasure!

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:13

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. Oh wait.

ImaginaryFoe 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 16:23

Asario 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 17:58

classic :]X ^^

Iknoweverything 29

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Saturday 18 December 2010 19:23

you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 11

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 1 029

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 1 169

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