Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML
Today, when I was a teen, I felt inferior for being flat-chested. So I got a boob job. As an adult, I started yoga and meditation. Then I felt foolish for not embracing my natural self and having plastic stuff in me. Got the implants out. Now I'm happy with my looks but have nerve damage from the procedures. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML
Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML
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Top comments
TheZman 0
You should have proceded to take a needle and pop those bitches
Nitros_fml 0
Well if she dumps you, say "Hmm isnt the left one slightly bigger?" No matter who tells her they are fine, it will still eat away at her :)
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Comments (198)
jaybirdka 0
dumbass....
Arzdin 0
Don't worry. Implants can go moldy... You could have just paid for her to have some moldy boobies in 5-10 years.
fishsticker 0
#67, #57 - What loss? The loss of something about myself that made me feel inadequate? Look, we all have an idea of how we want to look and what makes us feel attractive. The flat chest? Not cutting it for me. I had the resources to do something about it, and I did. I hated the way I looked before, I like the way I look now, and I can say that nowhere along the way did I compare myself to mainstream media female images - I just wanted bigger boobs. And being fake? Say that to anyone who's had any sort of body modification - hair dye, piercings, tattoos, etc etc..it's all about our self image. I have fake boobs, so what? It doesn't make me a fake person - I don't really intend to ever lie about it to any partners I have, and barring that I can't see any way you could consider me a "fake" person.
Flaky1 0
ugghhh what a *****!
fishsticker 0
#73 - I wouldn't say it isn't a superficial thing to do, but we all do superficial things. Makeup, clothing, etc etc, are all about image. I don't think doing something superficial to improve your self-image doesn't make you a shallow person. I like who I am on the inside, and I wanted to like the body I was in more. I think it's unfair to say people who get breast implants are shallow; I think we all have done things in our lives that qualify just as much
neonoodle 0
You did slip the surgeon a little something extra to install a kill switch in those puppies, didn't you? If not, YDI.
neonoodle 0
You did slip the surgeon a little something extra to install a kill switch in those puppies, didn't you? If not, YDI.
on_a_boat 0
46 - Who are you to judge? You've never been her. Far too many women get them when they don't even need them in the first place, but that doesn't make it true for everybody. Not everyone wants to look like a ****, sometimes people just want to feel normal, and if there's a way and a means to do it, then by all means, to each her own.
babex21 0
BITCH.
Bunbu 8
Sounds like she was kidding, bro. Settle down.