Money: Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68854

You deserved it

21476

Favorite

Money

Understandable

Not now!

Grow up

By Alwayshappens2me - United States

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, doesn't mean your mom won't walk in your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42222

You deserved it

10446

Favorite

By fretting - United States - Fort White

Today, my co-worker, who used to be in a frat with me in college, decided to tell all my coworkers as well as my boss all the stupid things I did in college, starting with the time a girl stole my clothes and I had to walk across campus naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12977

You deserved it

1722

Favorite

By becca1417 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14703

You deserved it

45190

Favorite

By SeaSick - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27715

You deserved it

3574

Favorite

By Pika

Today, in the midst of an interview, I was asked what my best qualities are. I panicked and quickly responded that I can make a great Pikachu impression. They wanted to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2016

You deserved it

2872

Favorite

By emma_waters23 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44727

You deserved it

5963

Favorite

By althornton2462 - United States - Hudson

Today, I messaged the guy I've been seeing for 4 months, referring to him as my boyfriend. His response? "I didn't realize you had a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23383

You deserved it

4202

Favorite

By forreal

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears because the love of his life has decided to move on with another man. He is currently on his way over to cry on my shoulder about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1797

You deserved it

346

Favorite

By oppafucktardstyle - United States - Waterloo

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22380

You deserved it

1611

Favorite

By hihipanda - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41415

You deserved it

3306

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16949

You deserved it

6262

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Big Lake

Today, I asked my grandmother to hem my prom dress for me. I'm her oldest granddaughter so I thought she'd be happy to do it. She said no. Her occupation is a seamstress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47167

You deserved it

7955

Favorite

By thanks, fuckface - United States - Parachute

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41011

You deserved it

4126

Favorite

By Physics fail. - United States

Today, I finished up my physics project. I had to make some thing out of toothpicks and glue that will keep an egg from breaking when dropped 20 feet. It took me 10 hours to make it, but only took my dad 10 seconds to step on it and break it. It's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35665

You deserved it

4673

Favorite

By Eric - 14/3/2020 06:05

Shut up and take it

Today my college professor told me that I ask him too many questions. Apparently, my college tuition fee doesn't include learning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1508

You deserved it

212

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Greensburg

Today, I was on my way to college when I got in a car wreck with none other than my professor. My car was totaled and couldn't drive, but his could so I missed class, but he still made it. The end result? He marked me as an "unexcused absence" and gave me a zero. The accident was his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8753

You deserved it

599

Favorite

By lekijkerd - Netherlands - Leusden

Today, I went to see my favorite band. It was all amazing and great until I decided to go crowd surfing. I was maybe too heavy because people jumped away instead of catching me. I fell right on my tailbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8662

You deserved it

32218

Favorite

By ManinBlack - Canada

Today, after months of looking forward to my new fencing lessons and speculating endlessly about the people who might be in my class, I went to my first lesson. I was the only one who showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25850

You deserved it

3452

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I was excited that my sister called me for the first time in months. She asked me to stop watching "Friends" so she could use the Netflix account. Now, I still have an absentee sister and no Friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27874

You deserved it

3184

Favorite

By awkward wedding

Today, a girl confessed that she's loved me for years and wants to marry me and have my children. It was my half-sister and she said it in front of everyone at a family wedding. I don't know who to be most afraid of at this point: her fiancé or my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3880

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By mother to an ugly doll - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51628

You deserved it

4071

Favorite

By Anonymous - Turkey

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36753

You deserved it

5959

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. All because I’m thinking of moving to the UK next year to study, and apparently, a girl he’s been thinking about for a week is a better option. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1637

You deserved it

230

Favorite

By wallets - United States

Today, I told a customer that we don't do refunds. He responded by throwing his wallet at my face and accusing me of stealing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29925

You deserved it

2468

Favorite

By bunkbed - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32953

You deserved it

3854

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49047

You deserved it

9816

Favorite

By englishornah - United States - Somerset

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27342

You deserved it

5619

Favorite

By ohhhman - United States

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19655

You deserved it

58025

Favorite

By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21521

You deserved it

2545

Favorite

By eirbear

Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only female in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1826

You deserved it

112

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had to go to the dentist to get 11 cavities filled. I took a wrong turn and ended up being 10 minutes late. My dentist told I had to reschedule because of his "10 minute policy." I have to wait 14 days now to get my cavities filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

1219

Favorite

By clumsyandpoor - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39570

You deserved it

3854

Favorite

By MouserMan - Canada - Olds

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38027

You deserved it

4265

Favorite

By dumb4$$0rz - United States

Today, the grades for one of my courses were released. The class average was higher than that which the department allowed, so the professor had to scale everyone's marks down to meet the policy. I ended up failing because my class was too smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37106

You deserved it

6174

Favorite

By Homeless - United States

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My Boss' daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52991

You deserved it

33988

Favorite

By alerra - United States - Baton Rouge

Not mine

Today, my roommate's parents came over to our one room apartment. They found condom wrappers. My roommate tried to say they were mine. I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2193

You deserved it

227

Favorite

By Wick - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15987

You deserved it

115141

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I'm a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28977

You deserved it

4070

Favorite

By Jif_Creamy - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21767

You deserved it

7106

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38924

You deserved it

7024

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By TheZman | 0

#103103 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:32

You should have proceded to take a needle and pop those bitches

By Nitros_fml | 0

#103143 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:42

Well if she dumps you, say "Hmm isnt the left one slightly bigger?"

No matter who tells her they are fine, it will still eat away at her :)

COMMENTS

By PureGold | 0

#103007 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:25

Eww...fake boobs x(. But still, that's pretty obnoxious of her to say, and it's not fair to you.

By SerenitySilver | 0

#103016 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:25

Slap a ho! Hope one of them pop on her new date

By _Elizabeth_ | 0

#103060 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:40

Well that sucks. Hope you learned your lesson about paying for something for your girlfriend that would help her get other guys. Good job.

By TheZman | 0

#103062 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:35

Ooh that sucks you should have proceeded to pop them with a long needle

By elara15 | 0

#103071 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:41

Maybe she'll blame it on the anesthesia. It could be a bad sense of humor, but maybe you deserve it for financially backing her vanity. Just a thought.

By TuddaTM | 0

#103072 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:21

first.... and wow whata bitch

qwerty475 | 0

#380108 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 23:40

Ouch! NEVER buy your girlfriend anything like that

exotica_fml | 6

#914790 - Thursday 4 March 2010 21:41

mannn not fair...if i could get a bf to pay for a boob job for me i would be forever grateful

sskarma23 | 9

#2971067 - Monday 25 July 2011 9:39

I hope she was joking even then she should be grateful considering you paid for em

By housemd1120 | 0

#103074 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:21

hahahahaha

ryguy1997 | 0

#973625 - Saturday 3 April 2010 17:04

but if op didn't have a "real job" then how did he afford to buy them for her?

By pikachu_01 | 0

#103076 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:22

Ugh. I say dump her!

Rose_916 | 16

#4745535 - Sunday 29 July 2012 0:10

Never pay for the implants if ur not married to her cuz she could've dump u on the spot after u pay for them ! :p but if she wasn't joking FYL

By acousticxxwench | 0

#103086 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:44

that's why you don't date superficial cunts :)

By tWitt3rBuG | 0

#103090 - Saturday 11 April 2009 22:45

FHL! Run!!! Sorry dude! But she's fake, time for you to get a real gf! Like hello how many guys do you think would love her for her (like you!) She'll be back. Hope you moved on by then!