Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML
Today, when I was a teen, I felt inferior for being flat-chested. So I got a boob job. As an adult, I started yoga and meditation. Then I felt foolish for not embracing my natural self and having plastic stuff in me. Got the implants out. Now I'm happy with my looks but have nerve damage from the procedures. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML
Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML
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Top comments
TheZman 0
You should have proceded to take a needle and pop those bitches
Nitros_fml 0
Well if she dumps you, say "Hmm isnt the left one slightly bigger?" No matter who tells her they are fine, it will still eat away at her :)
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Comments (198)
truelyajerk 0
Just sue her for the procedure costs. Most judges will see your case, will make her repay you.
Xaos 0
#90: Reading & comprehedening is difficult for some I see....
truelyajerk 0
Just sue her for the costs. Most judges will see her for what she is, and award you the cost back, making her pay you.
Shoopman 0
Uhh buddy, you're a ******* idiot. you shouldn't have paid for them unless you planned to marry her, or unless she was your wife for a while. You just blew over 1000 bucks for her to break up with you and find some guido to bang. Definitely tell her they look like crap.
Hollydolly 0
Your fault for giving her fake ****. Her fault for giving up a guy willing to spend all that money on her ****. No, your fault because you gave them to her with a reason :/ You're plan backfired. YDI
poloprincess_fml 0
srsly, definitely should've told her maybe you could find a grlfriend with real boobs. that dumb broad.
labellavita_fml 0
get over it. you shouldn't have paid for them in the first place.
synnerr 0
You can sue her for the cost.
HeroicDude 0
That's when you turn to her, rip them out, open your passenger door, kick her out, and yell "GOOD LUCK!" before speeding off.
sugarspyce 0
Fake **** are weird lookin'. Slash em up or dump that idiot!