Love: Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her... - FML

By sigh - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

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There's no helping some people

Capitalism kills

Do as I say, not as I do

By how many?!

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

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By Dimples - United States - Sanford

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

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By Tee - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

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By Dandy

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

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By BestBF - United States - Omaha

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he just now decided to look up what it is. He gave me a bible. FML

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By friendless - United States - Spokane

#rude

Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

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By TotaledBeamer

Today, I found out how much damage my neighbor's 5-year-old kid can do to my brand-new BMW with a baseball bat. FML

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By EllieS9311 - United States - Montevallo

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Appleton

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

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By has an old monitor - Germany - Berlin

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

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By northernlass - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

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By Ex-girlfried - United States

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

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By Yikes - United States - Cumberland

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 17:04

Blender time!

Today, I've told my boyfriend several times that my toothless grandma can only eat pureed foods, but likes any kind of soup, "as long as there's no meat in it." Guess what was his idea of a gift for her when meeting her for the first time? A steak. FML

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By Denki - China - Beijing

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Chester

Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

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By Michele - United States

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

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By mahanaaa_23 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

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By yesguysgetabusedtoo - New Zealand - Papamoa

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

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By whosurdaddy

Today, I'm attending a party where drunken women just can't seem to keep their clothes on. Those drunken women are my daughters. FML

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By emily - United States

Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

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By unappreciated husband - United States - Pullman

Today, my wife got her period. Every single time, she ends up asking me to go buy her some midol after a few days of trying to tough it out, so I decided to buy her some ahead of time. She reacted by yelling at me for treating her like a child and implying that she couldn't go buy it herself. FML

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By glowstick - United States

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned that when I start University next month I will have to either pay $900 for an all-access semester-long parking pass, pay $200 for for a bus pass that takes an hour to get to campus, or pay $100 to park outside campus and walk 4 miles to and from class each day. FML

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By cthulhu help me - United States - Cabot

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

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By lorahayes - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

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By Laura - Paraguay

What's my name?

Today, as they have for the past three years, my boyfriend's parents have never called me by my actual name. They always "accidentally" call me by my boyfriend's ex's name. FML

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By Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - United States

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

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By Gayer men’s team

Go Team!

Today, I was sexting my girlfriend when I accidentally sent one to my swim team’s group chat. This means that 19 men got a picture of me flexing with everything on display. Worst part? I got more compliments from them than I ever got from my girlfriend. FML

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By tlowbrim - 18/11/2020 02:02

We live in a society

Today, I'm working retail where masks are mandatory. A gentleman comes in with his mask below his chin. I politely say, "Hey dude, if you’re gonna shop here I'm going to need you to keep that mask on properly", to which he replies, "Fuck you, you stupid little bitch." FML

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By Katherine - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

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By OhNo - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

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By forever alone - United States - New York

Today, during the garter toss at a wedding, all the eligible men yelped and scrambled, evading it like a falling meteor. They apparently wanted to stay single, rather than put it on and dance with the one who caught the bouquet, which was me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

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By not a whore! - 30/8/2020 07:05 - United States - Madison

Can't catch a break

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

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Top comments

By Bunbu | 8

#6665 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 23:04

Um.
You look like a Korean porn star who's gotten lots of plastic surgery.
That's a huge fucking compliment.

By vvtumblesbee | 0

#3900 - Thursday 19 February 2009 10:46

actually, most american-borns don't get it... it really is a korean thing. 76% of korean women in their 20's and 30's have undergone plastic surgery; most have been for double eyelids. 25% of korean mothers with daughters ages 12-16 have suggested plastic surgery to their daughters. 28.5% of korean job-seekers get plastic surgery as a means of faring better in the job market.

COMMENTS

By vvtumblesbee | 0

#3900 - Thursday 19 February 2009 10:46

actually, most american-borns don't get it... it really is a korean thing. 76% of korean women in their 20's and 30's have undergone plastic surgery; most have been for double eyelids. 25% of korean mothers with daughters ages 12-16 have suggested plastic surgery to their daughters. 28.5% of korean job-seekers get plastic surgery as a means of faring better in the job market.

By Bunbu | 8

#6665 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 23:04

Um.
You look like a Korean porn star who's gotten lots of plastic surgery.
That's a huge fucking compliment.

By tateno | 0

#36980 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 7:45

i havent even heard of this before :P so weird haha

By Dimaranien | 1

#46897 - Saturday 21 March 2009 5:23

lol. Well, at least the person had to go under the knife to try and look like you...I think that that is actually a compliment. hehe!

By rxxk | 0

#56615 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:53

You know what you should do? Break up with that bastard, then CALL ME. ;)

Reply

Epicsmile123 | 6

#5741560 - Monday 4 November 2013 5:13

u sir,are very stupid

Reply

wRIPPERw | 23

#5810348 - Monday 30 December 2013 19:06

You call someone else stupid, but are yourself stupid. Next time type with proper grammar, when you're falling someone stupid.

Reply

kimilicious | 9

#6030533 - Thursday 7 August 2014 21:05

It seems like you're stupid too.

By 24788 | 6

#156049 - Thursday 30 April 2009 8:43

Well it's not really a diss. It's just probably not a very good compliment.

By dan81892 | 2

#207116 - Monday 18 May 2009 0:22

how is this a FML? she saying you look like a porn star who has had improvements, even though you actually haven't. i would say this is actually a compliment.

By Nacirema20 | 0

#207364 - Monday 18 May 2009 1:54

Awww!! She's nice! :( FYL. :(

By dareujoe | 0

#268611 - Friday 5 June 2009 4:24

That's nasty the old lady watches porn

Reply

EmoPolarBearShim | 0

#1704079 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:11

ahaha for reals xD

By Cluedecker | 0

#312609 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:58

Wow your boyfriends mom is a bitch