Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her... - FML

By sigh - 24/1/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

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Great speech, thanks!

Incognito browsing

The end of the road

By trembelwick - 3/12/2011 10:04 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

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By MdT - 23/5/2009 11:51 - South Africa

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200 picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

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By Imthatfirstguy1 - 10/4/2018 15:00

Today, I owe about $18,000 for a useless degree. Why? I graduated in 2016 from the ITT Technical Institute, a few months before the school shut down for good. The kicker? They misspelled my name on the diploma. FML

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By doomed - 21/4/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

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By ArmyMan - 24/6/2009 16:37 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I was talking to my sister-in-law on the phone. She brought up the family reunion last weekend and how my family is so strange. I didn't know there was a reunion, I wasn't invited. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2019 02:12 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I got a targeted YouTube ad that was intended for someone who owns a graveyard plot. Glad to know my watching habits match those of an undertaker's. FML

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By blahppl14 - 27/12/2010 00:37 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2013 18:12 - United States - Tustin

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2012 05:47 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML

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By CaptainFluffyPaw - 29/6/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

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By stupidprankster - 9/3/2012 10:10 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML

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By Brittany - 28/3/2012 02:38 - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2012 20:59 - Canada

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone while I was crossing the road. Luckily, it survived the fall. Not so luckily, an oncoming bus steamrolled it into oblivion. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

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By sadkid - 25/9/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2014 21:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

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By Ewwwwww - 4/2/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

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By Melissa Barrios - 15/7/2019 16:00

Today, my son, who has ASD, told a woman how gigantic her butt was. While trying to remind him that some things are not nice to say, he screamed that her butt is the "giantest butt ever," like it was an accomplishment. FML

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By Elisa_LmR - 3/1/2014 23:28 - France

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

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By Fitz - 12/4/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2013 07:09 - China - Shanghai

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

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By Scarred4Life - 11/10/2015 03:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

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By budda1368 - 9/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Romance isn't dead

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

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By BerkeleyBiker - 19/4/2011 08:23 - United States

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

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By fullmoonfml - 12/8/2010 23:05 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

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By SadMan - 19/1/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML

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By niccy - 9/9/2010 04:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML

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By 86145 - 16/8/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML

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By Sam - 3/12/2011 10:03 - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

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By the unfortunate man - 19/7/2013 04:29 - United States - Salisbury

Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML

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By likeyourboss - 4/10/2013 16:05 - Denmark

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

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By Diblo - 28/11/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Diblo's story

Today, I was in a middle school for work experience. One of the teachers was reading the class I was in a story about a man called Diblo. Innocent enough, right? Nope. He repeatedly misread it as Dildo for the entire passage. The kids laughed. FML

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By johnG - 21/12/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

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By spoton - 26/1/2017 16:00

Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML

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By l0stnwundrland - 24/1/2011 08:01 - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor. For the past three days every time I wear my glasses I become nauseous, get migraines, and have that "fish-eye view" where everything is rounded. Turns out they placed my lenses on the wrong sides. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

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By tbright010 - 8/4/2011 22:48 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

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By MC Turtledick - 15/2/2012 01:28 - United States

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

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Top comments

By Bunbu | 8

#6665 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 23:04

Um.
You look like a Korean porn star who's gotten lots of plastic surgery.
That's a huge fucking compliment.

By vvtumblesbee | 0

#3900 - Thursday 19 February 2009 10:46

actually, most american-borns don't get it... it really is a korean thing. 76% of korean women in their 20's and 30's have undergone plastic surgery; most have been for double eyelids. 25% of korean mothers with daughters ages 12-16 have suggested plastic surgery to their daughters. 28.5% of korean job-seekers get plastic surgery as a means of faring better in the job market.

COMMENTS

By vvtumblesbee | 0

#3900 - Thursday 19 February 2009 10:46

actually, most american-borns don't get it... it really is a korean thing. 76% of korean women in their 20's and 30's have undergone plastic surgery; most have been for double eyelids. 25% of korean mothers with daughters ages 12-16 have suggested plastic surgery to their daughters. 28.5% of korean job-seekers get plastic surgery as a means of faring better in the job market.

By Bunbu | 8

#6665 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 23:04

Um.
You look like a Korean porn star who's gotten lots of plastic surgery.
That's a huge fucking compliment.

By tateno | 0

#36980 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 7:45

i havent even heard of this before :P so weird haha

By Dimaranien | 1

#46897 - Saturday 21 March 2009 5:23

lol. Well, at least the person had to go under the knife to try and look like you...I think that that is actually a compliment. hehe!

By rxxk | 0

#56615 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:53

You know what you should do? Break up with that bastard, then CALL ME. ;)

Reply

Epicsmile123 | 6

#5741560 - Monday 4 November 2013 5:13

u sir,are very stupid

Reply

wRIPPERw | 23

#5810348 - Monday 30 December 2014 19:06

You call someone else stupid, but are yourself stupid. Next time type with proper grammar, when you're falling someone stupid.

Reply

kimilicious | 9

#6030533 - Thursday 7 August 2014 21:05

It seems like you're stupid too.

By 24788 | 6

#156049 - Thursday 30 April 2009 8:43

Well it's not really a diss. It's just probably not a very good compliment.

By dan81892 | 2

#207116 - Monday 18 May 2009 0:22

how is this a FML? she saying you look like a porn star who has had improvements, even though you actually haven't. i would say this is actually a compliment.

By Nacirema20 | 0

#207364 - Monday 18 May 2009 1:54

Awww!! She's nice! :( FYL. :(

By dareujoe | 0

#268611 - Friday 5 June 2009 4:24

That's nasty the old lady watches porn

Reply

EmoPolarBearShim | 0

#1704079 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:11

ahaha for reals xD

By Cluedecker | 0

#312609 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:58

Wow your boyfriends mom is a bitch