neonoodle

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

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Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year old son who had died a couple months before. FML

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Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

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Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

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