Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML
Today, when I was a teen, I felt inferior for being flat-chested. So I got a boob job. As an adult, I started yoga and meditation. Then I felt foolish for not embracing my natural self and having plastic stuff in me. Got the implants out. Now I'm happy with my looks but have nerve damage from the procedures. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML
Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML
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Top comments
TheZman 0
You should have proceded to take a needle and pop those bitches
Nitros_fml 0
Well if she dumps you, say "Hmm isnt the left one slightly bigger?" No matter who tells her they are fine, it will still eat away at her :)
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Comments (198)
whereisbob_fml 0
dump the bitch!!! what a cow saying that!! hope she gets cancer....... ne way what kind of a thick person would want breast implants xD
tiltwrestler 0
*laughs* "Baby, you already did- do you really think that any average joe can pay for breast implants? I make good money. And besides... if you couldn't do better than me before, do you really think that hard lumpy fake **** are gonna make a difference? The only reason I even got them was because you were so persistent on getting them- most guys don't prefer them, and I don't either. And let's face it- you're slutty and shallow, and im the manwhore who was dumb enough to buy them for your ungrateful butt. We're clearly meant for each other!" Then whip the one-eyed snake out and dickwhip her... teach that hoe a lesson! gotta be put back IN HER PLACE!
cheesefest 0
#11 is right. Also, word to the wise: 'fake ****' are (usually!) a big ****-off warning sign.
Bryan_Z 0
hit her
Silhouette_fml 0
When will men learn? Never pay for a woman's implants!
sLap_fml 0
haha i'd take those implants back if i were you.. golddiggaaaa.
Mylife_cant_suck 0
lol... she must feel confident in here own body! God sue america!
marycjones 0
You should punch both of her boobs when you get the chance and give em permanent damage so they'll all be lopsided when they heal :). But make it seem like an accident (like trip her while she's going down the stairs or some shit), so you won't get canned by the police.
luxornv 0
Stop short enough to make her head hit the dash and then go back and leave her at the hospital.
Kyothine 0
I agree with one of the previous posters, except: piss her off and when she dumps you say "I knew this would happen, so I asked the surgeon to make the left side smaller."