Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML
Today, when I was a teen, I felt inferior for being flat-chested. So I got a boob job. As an adult, I started yoga and meditation. Then I felt foolish for not embracing my natural self and having plastic stuff in me. Got the implants out. Now I'm happy with my looks but have nerve damage from the procedures. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML
Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML
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Top comments
TheZman 0
You should have proceded to take a needle and pop those bitches
Nitros_fml 0
Well if she dumps you, say "Hmm isnt the left one slightly bigger?" No matter who tells her they are fine, it will still eat away at her :)
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Comments (198)
alex_vik 1
YDI for getting her fake boobs.
Flyboy 0
I say YDI for investing your hard earned $ on ****.
MetallicPunk 0
#42, wtf... dump her on whatever street corner is her place of employment
fishsticker 0
hey guys, stop wailing on fake boobs - I've got em, they're beautiful and natural looking...doesn't everyone realize that there's a strong stereotype regarding what implants look like and who gets them? I wouldn't consider myself a shallow person at ALL. This girl, though, isn't worth his time. Unless it was a joke. It sounds like a joke.
Sens_fan9 0
PULL THOSE MUDDAFUGGAS OFF OF HER AND RUN!!!
alex3464 0
I say pop her boobs, and then dump her. lol.
lorenitavefajita 0
dump her, make her pay you back, & get a new gf
lowcapacityx 0
Should've asked her to sign something. It's a note saying that she will pay half back and on top of that you have privileges to touch her boobies whenever you want or everytime she greets you she has to jump up and down.
Cerataphora 0
Okay idiots, those things aren't cheap, just walking away from her is a knockout punch to the bank account. And, they dont pop with a long needle..
Nessariah 0
YDI, for spending money on your girlfriend's plastic rack. That should've been a red light telling you she was a gold-digging ****. Now if she'd paid for her OWN...yeah that'd suck.