Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML
Today, when I was a teen, I felt inferior for being flat-chested. So I got a boob job. As an adult, I started yoga and meditation. Then I felt foolish for not embracing my natural self and having plastic stuff in me. Got the implants out. Now I'm happy with my looks but have nerve damage from the procedures. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML
Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML
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Top comments
TheZman 0
You should have proceded to take a needle and pop those bitches
Nitros_fml 0
Well if she dumps you, say "Hmm isnt the left one slightly bigger?" No matter who tells her they are fine, it will still eat away at her :)
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Comments (198)
soggysandwich 0
i vote both. that sucks she was a jerk but i would never buy a girl that
sarawr 0
Sorry to say but you can't even sue her for any return on those bad boys. To the people saying 'sue her': he had given her the breasts as a gift of good (and of out of free) will. By law, at least in the US he can't request to be refunded or for her to give him the boobs back. Sucks to be him, but unless he had her sign an agreement that said she would repay him at the point of their seperation, if it ever were to occur, then his life is ******.
dg72592_fml 0
fake boobs are gross and i've never seen anyone that didn't look like a ***** with them. fail.
dg72592_fml 0
oh yeah btw if you don't have a real job how could you have paid for her fake boobs?
eeee93757 0
YDI for not seeing this coming...
ditlihi 0
Dude! I can't believe you paid for them. Okay, start selling all her stuff on ebay and craigslist until you get all the money back.
kellster 2
YDI for dating someone who wanted implants in the first place!
youaresofucked 0
If you split up, at least get her to give you a tit-wank before you do.
Waldorf_fml 0
You are both equally shallow, the only unfortunate bit about this story is that it seems to me that you actually deserve each other. Pathetic.
Zic_fml 7
If she wasn't joking, sue the ****. And next time don't buy knocker implants for a girl.