Miscellaneous: Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left,... - FML

By Pancakegirl - 18/06/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 744

You deserved it 4 020

Age difference

Walk the line

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By help me! - 02/10/2010 14:26 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with had a job interview at my place of work. If she gets the job, she'll be my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 669

You deserved it 2 961

By Screwed - 07/08/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 070

You deserved it 4 333

By Flipside - 02/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 580

You deserved it 6 430

By evelynn - 20/05/2010 06:25 - France

Spicy

Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 954

You deserved it 8 135

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 11:43 - France

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 791

You deserved it 4 887

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 07:24 - Canada - Milton

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 355

You deserved it 7 965

By Noname - 13/03/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 783

You deserved it 30 035

By Anonymous - 26/05/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 730

You deserved it 2 903

By peestain - 25/10/2010 10:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 635

You deserved it 32 047

You ANIMAL

By ElevatorThug - 25/08/2009 09:17 - Singapore

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 176

You deserved it 34 221

By busybuzzybee - 17/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 419

You deserved it 2 844

Family coincidence

By Anonymous - 06/11/2019 02:30

Today with a DNA test, I found out that my husband is my half brother. 30 years ago his father made a donation to the sperm bank my mother used, and I’m the result. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 583

You deserved it 184

Bullet = Dodged

By nikkei - 01/09/2018 22:00

Today, while paying for dinner, my card declined and my date immediately left. The waitress then ran my card again successfully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 154

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 18/08/2018 03:30

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 951

You deserved it 637

By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 02:12 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 913

You deserved it 17 572

By RaYan - 13/10/2008 08:22

Today, I thought it was yesterday, I went to school for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 415

You deserved it 75 086

By butterflyzag20 - 28/02/2013 03:28 - United States

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 916

You deserved it 7 783

By Tom_why - 23/05/2009 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping some mental health patients at work, I spent 20 mins to fail to connect the DVD player to the TV and went back to make them something to eat. I came back into the room after 5 mins and one of the patients had connected it for himself. He has a profound learning disability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 277

You deserved it 24 193

By Tjop - 15/04/2011 11:50 - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend of 3 and half years broke up with me, just after I fixed-up her house that took me about 3 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 610

You deserved it 6 009

By amandanoelle - 09/10/2016 06:42 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 570

You deserved it 1 739

Gasp

By cold - 15/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I canceled all my plans because my boyfriend wanted to go on a date. He didn't mean with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 195

You deserved it 576

By masterofblues - 24/07/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. As everything was ending, I tried to save the relationship by telling her how much I cared about her. Her response? "Please stop. You're gonna make me feel bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 491

You deserved it 8 466

By inchetogb - 15/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 550

You deserved it 3 399

The Sweet Smell of Success

By let ‘Er rip - 13/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 537

Kids, it doesn't get any better

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 03:02

Today, I was sitting in class when I overheard a group talking about how much they don't like me. When they saw me there, they burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 98

Second class citizen

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I got told I am not a good fit for a company because I'm disabled. But that's OK, I can volunteer for the same role, as I don't really need to work anyway, because I'm disabled apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 361

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 989

You deserved it 30 053

Hide and Seek

By Hide -n- Seek - 16/11/2019 20:00 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, someone left a note on the front door saying "Let's play Hide and Seek". Who ever left the note apparently took my tires off my truck and scattered them. So far, I found one in my pool, and 2 outside my neighborhood. I still can't find the last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 329

You deserved it 133

By jumanji - 23/03/2015 23:19

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 340

You deserved it 2 628

By bad samaritan - 23/10/2012 03:51 - United States - Houston

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 984

You deserved it 1 665

By Eskyew - 23/07/2009 21:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 595

You deserved it 8 975

By Fluffyman - 10/08/2019 04:00

Today, I realized that I haven’t lost weight. All my clothes have just stretched to fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 280

False accusation

By Missa - 04/07/2009 03:04 - Canada

Today, one of our store's beach balls came out of nowhere and whacked me in the back of my head. I started reaming out two young girls for playing in the store, even when they said it wasn't them. Soon after, one of my employees admitted that it was her. I made some 7-year-olds cry and it wasn't them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 400

You deserved it 56 340

By bertthelamb - 17/02/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 982

You deserved it 8 457

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 10:44 - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 995

You deserved it 4 064

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 004

You deserved it 5 407

By Cob - 03/02/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 156

You deserved it 2 405

The Phoebe Technique

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 02:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me with other women from all the hickeys and scratch marks he has. But to top it off, he's slowly been moving out for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 207

By Username - 06/08/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 868

You deserved it 2 924

By scheisse - 14/07/2013 21:25 - Germany - Herne

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 291

You deserved it 67 402

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

1Tsk 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:37

did you do it?

speedmastaflex 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:44

Lol. Dude couldnt afford to take you to a motel?

Comments

1Tsk 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:37

did you do it?

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 11:58

Well, damn, if he thought she was worth $100, this shouldn't be an FML! But since she was too busy bitching that she never gets hit on, I doubt she did anything for the poor guy.

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 13:45

haha, that's what i want to know. (hopefully NO)

stereoskyline_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 15:54

Do all the cool kids hang out at IHOP now?

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 16:09

I agree, there should be a required comment from the poster of FML's, lol

bollywood_rocks 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 16:47

Uh, hopefully yes AFTER he buys you dinner in addition to the $100. To create more drama, get his name and after call the cops on him for soliciting you. :)

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 22:47

Hahaha... thats what I wondered when I read this FML.

nazooer 11

Send a private message

Friday 19 June 2009 21:04

Haha i smell an episode of family guy in the making

Send a private message

Friday 9 July 2010 13:58

you should have felt him up and loudly commented on the shameful excuse for balls that guy was packing

Send a private message

Monday 30 August 2010 20:50

do eet

z620 0

Send a private message

Thursday 25 August 2011 6:02

1. You can hang out with friends at IHOP now? Nice 2. You totally did it Op

Send a private message

Friday 28 October 2011 18:21

Wonder if OP considered the fact that he might have just thought she looked like a hooker

speedmastaflex 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:44

Lol. Dude couldnt afford to take you to a motel?

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 11:57

he probably figured by spending like $50 for a motel, she wouldn't have sex for only $50. not that she did it for $100 but he doubled his chances ;)

DieterDerBlau 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 12:51

word

spoo 24

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 17:02

but the smell of rotting milk is so romantic! who needs a motel?

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:44

Haha.

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:48

lmao dress up a little better, start hitting the gym, and get some opinions on your looks and how to improve them and you'll probably get hit on more

gingermonster16 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:48

EWW. What a doucher. I'm sorry. That's really gross.

suckstobeyou3 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:49

did you accept?

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:49

thats what you get for hanging out in ihop

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:50

THATS GROSS, CREEPY, but still funny, lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iwannabetreo 11

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:50

Hahahahahaha.. Sorry, that made my day, omg, thats hilarious xD

Send a private message

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:51

You should have told been like "Sure. But Make sure you read my warning label. One visit with me will result in many visits to the clinic for you, and being the gentleman I know you are, you a liable for a months worth of my treatments." And what about your friend? I guess the man isnt imaginative for threesomes?

Send a private message

Friday 19 June 2009 3:31

Today I asked a girl to have sex with me behind the IHOP. Turns out I didn't have a condom but I told her I did. I now have chlymidia. FML.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 82

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 44