Health: Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 232

You deserved it 4 344

Health

Dysfunctional

The old switcheroo

Run, run away pronto

The truth will out

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 02:00

Today, I accidentally overheard my thesis supervisor mutter, "fucking idiot" coming out of a Zoom meeting with him. It was only me and him in the Zoom meeting, and he said it 4 seconds after saying goodbye. I just quit Zoom without saying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 114

He will

By Elissa Roth Gooden - 06/04/2020 14:00

Today, I actually got to meet actor George Takei. He was really sweet and charming, and I was just thrilled. When we parted, I wanted to say either, "I'll always remember this" or "I'll never forget this." It came out as, "I'll never remember this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 349

By Anon - 13/03/2016 00:13 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. As we waited for our food he took my hand and said, "I think we should break up." When I got outside, my tire was flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 968

You deserved it 1 374

By dumbgirl4lyf - 01/10/2012 18:24 - Ireland - Monaghan

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 808

You deserved it 4 484

By anonynomi - 19/11/2015 17:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 940

You deserved it 1 583

Hmmm, candy

By SleepEat - 25/02/2021 21:30

Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 140

Blood sausage

By it should hurt to be that dumb! - 22/10/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, I had to fire a line cook. While walking through the kitchen, I noticed a cut on his hand. When I demanded to know why it wasn’t bandaged and gloved, he scoffed and said "Real men don’t need that shit! Bandaids are for pussies!” Who knows how much of the kitchen this moron contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 72

By rejected4555 - 03/08/2012 12:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 039

You deserved it 6 277

By crayons128 - 24/01/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 979

You deserved it 6 581

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, my son got really high and shaved the dog with my electric shaver. Not only does the dog look really bad, I didn't know my son used drugs. I now have to buy the dog a sweater and get my son some help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 397

You deserved it 5 490

By Colleen - 18/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I bought a party bowl of Bud Light for a get-together. Around midnight, I realized that I didn't have the tap to get the beer out. Fifty-five cans of untappable beer and no more beer money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 735

You deserved it 22 471

By pirate prude - 11/07/2017 20:00 - Canada

Today, when getting off the bus, the driver said he thought I was going to exit from the front. Without thinking, I responded, "Oh no, I'm more of a backdoor kinda girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 958

You deserved it 2 022

By Queen_Dread - 04/05/2012 07:19 - United States - Ocean Park

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 545

You deserved it 1 986

What are you doing?

By StopMe - 20/05/2019 12:00

Today, I went to a hobby lobby with the director of the play my daughter is in. He leaned in to grab a bottle of blue paint, and I mistook it for a hug. When he looked perplexed, I hugged him again, this time jumping in celebration of finding the blue paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 507

By nerd - 03/03/2009 03:20 - United States

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 060

You deserved it 7 690

By OhDamn - 16/09/2009 06:34 - United Kingdom

Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 871

You deserved it 2 972

Looking for love in Alderaan places

By not4geeks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 646

You deserved it 73 896

By Anonymous - 17/08/2018 03:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking up sexy clothes for me to wear while role-playing. I saw something I liked and asked him if we should get it. When he saw the model wearing it in the picture, he asked "Does it come with the girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 305

You deserved it 719

My eyes!

By shay786 - 05/05/2020 17:00

Today, I heard grunting and then realized it was my tenant with his boyfriend. When I went down to do my laundry, I caught them in the act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 289

Smart criminals

By Annette - 27/11/2020 23:01

Today, I came out to find my truck window broken. They broke into my truck to yank out the stereo. It was unlocked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 76

Cheapskate on the run

By huntbluntz95 - 18/11/2020 11:01

Today, I was at work at a coffee shop. We charge 50 cents every 15 minutes of use of our computers. An old man tried sneaking out without paying after being at a computer. As I was telling him to pay for his time, he threw a bagel at me and ran to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 144

You deserved it 3 702

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 05:01 - United States - Wentzville

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer because he thought I was skipping school. I'm 24 and we graduated high school together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 651

You deserved it 2 864

By Julia - 04/10/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, I was denied a waitressing job at a local diner I have been going to for years. Due to the fact that my name is Julia. They already have a waitress there named Julie. Apparently, I would "create too much confusion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 941

You deserved it 2 527

By anon - 23/03/2011 04:56

Today, I walked in on one of my housemates pissing in the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 638

You deserved it 3 915

Jealousy

By princess_stabitty - 01/08/2020 08:01

Today, my boss's husband came over to our office, and as a by the way comment told our boss my make-up looks good and suits me. The thing is, I've never worn make-up to work, and obviously, he never told his wife, my boss, that she looks good with make-up on. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 163

Good initiative

By cough - 27/12/2019 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 211

By ari - 27/07/2019 20:00

Today, while on a road trip, I went to the bathroom at a gas station and locked the door. Turns out the lock was automatic and I'd actually unlocked it. My mom walked in on me, but instead of apologizing and leaving, she yelled at me in the middle of the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 160

By Ashley J. - 01/03/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 153

You deserved it 17 493

By AnonymousAndSad - 24/04/2014 23:42 - United States - Waukon

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 686

You deserved it 7 826

Not such a happy ending

By JustJared - 15/09/2021 05:00

Today, I get to see my best friend and love of my life of two years marry the man she loves. Back then, I lied and told her I was gay to avoid her finding out my feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 804

By pubemilkshake - 08/12/2014 02:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 742

You deserved it 4 887

By Justinthebox - 02/04/2018 19:00

Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 051

You deserved it 306

Hello from the other side

By losthusband - 11/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 180

By Rita - 10/12/2008 04:58 - France

Today, on the bus, a young high school boy sat down next to me and started to chat me up. I thought it was cute until he asked me which high school I was attending. I'm 27, I'm married, I have a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 288

You deserved it 6 275

Missed opportunities

By say what?! - 10/04/2020 08:00

Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 460

By Noname - 25/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 599

You deserved it 4 156

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 379

You deserved it 3 744

By notanybetter - 08/06/2019 02:00

Today, the drummer from my favorite band threw a drumstick into the crowd during a concert. It hit me on the head and bounced into my friend's hands. She left with a drumstick from a band she didn't want to see in the first place. I left with a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 03:07 - United States - Salem

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 536

You deserved it 2 109

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Top comments

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:53

How romantic. Maybe tonight you can return the favour.

FYLDeep 25

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:00

"Cumming in your backside" does not equal "enema".

JoshTheMaggot 8

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:52

Did you like it?

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:53

How romantic. Maybe tonight you can return the favour.

lovexbox 8

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:40

Best comment.

thepieguyisi 4

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:54

What's so bad about that?

reganera 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:56

why why why???

renjay 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 0:12

haha bistro :p

littlemissdqgirl 8

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:57

Now that's love....

MaximilianMarche 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:05

what's the dq stand for?

agm2010 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:09

dairy queen.

BWill9014 4

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:10

I hope it's Dairy Queen since I worked at one

littlemissdqgirl 8

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:18

Yep:) dairy queen. Work there for 4yrs and still love the food

soldier4life_88 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:20

mmmmh dairy queen!! I've been stuck in Fairbanks Alaska for three years!! haven't had dairy queen since I got here!!

erikaa1123 4

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 11:11

I live in Alaska too! I wish we had better places here.

VannahNTabbie 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 12:33

there's a dairy queen in 3 locations in Alaska. not to hard to find.

aktooki 0

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Sunday 15 May 2011 13:53

you know ak is like freakin huge right? and i lived there and all three dq's are like 6-8 hours away from fairbanks

FYLDeep 25

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:00

"Cumming in your backside" does not equal "enema".

I_R_Genius 3

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:08

Oh FYLdeep, how I've missed you and your comments so very much. Will you have my babies please. *faints if you say yes.*

FrenchToast94 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 12:27

lmao!

kbourco 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:02

what's enema??

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:04

It's google, that's what it is.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:12

It's 1/4 of a Blink 182 album.

italiangurrl 8

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:20

#10 you made me chuckle. :)

roxckinhenn 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 13:53

ikr!

EmoLittleBish 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 16:11

saleha97 4

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 16:56

haha, #63

Jonkbaby 21

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 18:04

#63 you made my boner last 4 hours

banana_buddy 6

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 18:43

You had a boner for 4 hours and you didn't do anything about it?

quite_bored 9

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 20:04

It's an idiot asking for definitions when they can just Google it and spend 1/50 of the time.

aims14 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 23:45

this just made my day (:

talktomandybaby 8

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 0:36

i agree:D thank youuu alllll for bring comical:D ;*

talktomandybaby 8

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 0:39

being*

twilightluver347 7

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 5:02

jb! yeah!

babiebuntin 7

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 6:11

agreed! ^_^. :)

xXSlimShady24Xx 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 9:24

hey #92 your picture made my penis shink 3 inches

danilols689 11

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Thursday 27 January 2011 12:03

also 93s username..

danilols689 11

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Thursday 27 January 2011 12:06

I ment 92s

Gondile 4

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 3:06

My icon gives everyone boners. Yes, even women.

musicbunny 1

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:26

#63, you're an a*****e.

musicbunny 1

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:29

same with #103.

musicbunny 1

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:31

sorry not #103 I meant #96

losmiserables 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 14:47

#112 has the best reply to a comment ever.

figmo 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:10

you've never heard of a 'wine float' then now have you.

daaron 3

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:10

that's sick unless it's a medical condition

freakin0ut 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 10:10

why the hell else would she need one.? most likely not for pleasure. enema's are also used for blocked bowels.

TheOmen46 1

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 17:18

most likely for the boyfriend to have anal sex with her

donicus 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:17

lucky you.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 71

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 79

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