Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML
Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
eggmarie 25
He is clearly right.
olpally 33
*jeopardy music plays* while waiting for this first comment to get modded.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (161)
greenie213 23
It all makes sense now. The only way to Save the world, if I'm interpreting this right, is to drop the corrupt bankers into a volcano. Or their rings.
tj4234 36
Might not be far wrong, but I doubt December. Originally Tolkien started writing a fantasy legend (the Silmarillion). It was then expanded upon and eventually led onto the Hobbit. The Lord of the Rings came afterwards but was originally going to be another Hobbit story. However the story changed. But what had changed in Tolkien's life? The Second World War had only just ended by the time Tolkien was writing the LotR. There are obvious references to dictatorship and oppression that were probably based on the actual facts of the war. History tends to repeat itself so if there is a 3rd World War then it will probably be against a dictator.
Shrike 24
Tolkien hated metaphor and analogy like that, he said it himself in a bunch of interviews. The popular misconception is that the One Ring was a metaphor for nuclear weapons, but like I said, he denied those comparisons many many times.
redbluegreen 41
You said it perfectly, #55. If someone really wants to look for analogies, they should check out Tolkien's friend C. S. Lewis.
Ray_of_midnight 23
J.R.R. Tolkien had intended, with LOTR, to do for Britain and its people what composer Richard Wagner had done for Germany and Germans with his Ring Cycle: pull together bits and pieces of extant folklore to write an origin myth. The only part of it I can think of offhand that's an allegory is the destruction of Isengard. It's an allegory for the Industrial Revolution and how it destroyed the peaceful, agrarian life of the British Isles. Also, your dad needs to lay off the pipeweed.
DCthe2ND 0
I wanna smoke pot with your dad
AnneeSo 6
He speaks the truth.
pinkpixie06 11
That sounds more serious than a mid-life crisis! It sounds like he may need to talk to a professional.
ZombieRockets 8
In a couple of years, the OP will be able to look back, laugh and say "Remember that time when Dad..." There could be much worse!
stormchaser24 24
Well, he right about the world ending on Dec 21 2012. Lol.
redbluegreen 41
Little does he know, it will actually be ponies that take over the world.
XxSuccubusxX 3
Am i the only one who thinks that your dad has a amazing imagination and a awsome out look on the current economic situation?
outoftown 27
Yes... so far...
tfontaine17 1
Sit the **** down