Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML
Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML
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Top comments
eggmarie 25
He is clearly right.
olpally 33
*jeopardy music plays* while waiting for this first comment to get modded.
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Comments (161)
hateevryone 15
Your dad is nuts O.O
lexi365 20
Be honest, you enjoyed the 2 hour conversation. :)
abjohnston4 1
I can't see how this would be a bad thing, this man is clearly a genius
NothingsEasy 4
What did I just read? I really do think humanity has gone insane, oh well
nightwishs 13
Your dad is win :)
redmane 21
Someone can be win? What has happened to the youth and their language skills? Don't waste elementary school teachers time. Use what they taught you.
mercsl65 7
there should be a semicolon in between time and use
outoftown 27
LOTR, Mayans, and bankers... Oh, my!
anarchistpunk 3
So is Frodo and Sam represented through OWS (Occupy Wall Street)?
TonyGoCapitals 0
Tell "***** Faggins" to shut his mouth before you put your foot in his Aracorn hole
Scars_fml 4
Tell him to spend shit on you before the end of the world.
TheMystery_fml 6
I hope you sat the **** down.