Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML
Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
eggmarie 25
He is clearly right.
olpally 33
*jeopardy music plays* while waiting for this first comment to get modded.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (161)
MayKeoN 0
The only problem is, he's right. At least in some sense. 2012 is true. We're gonna shift into a new age. Don't believe it. Know it. And good luck with surviving the transition... ;)
NayrGuy 0
Hmm..I dont think thats a mid-life crisis. My dads occured and his is working out a lot and listening to Todays pop music..i think yours may be insane..
MetalOcelot 5
Is "mid-life crisis" a euphemism for "high as a kite"?
woodencoffin 7
i wanna have a drink with your father because he sound like an interesting fellow to chat with.
Max1468 4
Seems legit.
DRMIKA 4
He's got a point
ChubbyNicki 6
Incorrect. Lord of the Rings was written about a battle in pagan history.
Fishfanatic 7
I suggest you don't DARE allow him to read Mervyn Peake's Gormenghast trilogy. He'd possibly die on the spot.
mr_brightside93 1
What's he smoking? I want some...
JonahCullen 3
Ha!