Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML
Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML
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Top comments
eggmarie 25
He is clearly right.
olpally 33
*jeopardy music plays* while waiting for this first comment to get modded.
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Comments (161)
ibean 0
Wow...your dad needs more ****** less tv.
DocBastard 40
I can't wait for my midlife crisis. Apparently I can get away with anything and blame it on the ol' midlife crisis! It's a foolproof alibi! I plan on buying a Bugatti Veyron. And just a few more years to go!
jakk_mehoff 4
not a bugatti, its gotta be shiny red, go ferrari
TrueTriage 16
Good taste in vehicles have to make the choice though, classic Veyron or the Bugatti SS
pinkpixie06 11
Who knows, Doc, you may already be mid-life. Why take a chance on waiting...start your crisis now!
flockz 20
no it's all about my Ford Pinto with the plastic spinners and racing stripe. veyron? pssssshhhhhh.
outoftown 27
Hurry up, Doc. You only have until December. But if you move really fast, you also can get in the No. 2 excuse: dementia.
dead_insects 18
that's an exquisite vehicle!! ^_^
mercsl65 7
shouldn't you be performing surgery
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Lord of the Middle-Aged Crazy Dads.
xxooxx210 3
Well that's interesting :)
Baconman345 9
One does not simply have a mid-life crisis
Big_lama6 7
I'm trying to figure out what's going on in your picture, 2 lol
patrickalamo 48
Midlife crisis my ass. That is bad drugs. Stay off the crack
thiscrazything 1
Well at least he's trying to good make use of our last five months of life.
Party_Penguin 0
By "midlife crisis", do you mean "doing cocaine"?
StaminPrimer 0
"We must throw the money back into the depths of Mount Doom to destroy Eye of Corrupt Banker. One of you must travel there and destroy the Dollar," Elrond said. "Well, let`s just be done with it!" Gimli says. He picks up his axe, runs over and swings it down on the Dollar, but is blown backwards onto the ground, his axe blade broken. "The Dollar cannot be destroyed by any means we possess, Gimli, Son of Gloin," said Elrond.