Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML
Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML
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Top comments
eggmarie 25
He is clearly right.
olpally 33
*jeopardy music plays* while waiting for this first comment to get modded.
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Comments (161)
KingCeltic77 18
And the Hobbitts represent the midgets of the world stopping the corrupt bankers.
taytoc 10
Seems legit
brohamas16 7
that's some deep stuff
OhDearBetrayal 25
Justin Bieber has spoken.
theamazingone_12 7
Nooo!!! we need a real life frodo!!!
KingCeltic77 18
Get Miles Finch! But remember- he's a Hobbit, not an angry elf.
unknown_user5566 27
Mid-life crisis, or plain ol' insanity? Either way, be glad he's not running off to buy sports cars and other shiny boy-toys. Just smile and nod, and you should make it through just fine.
outoftown 27
just lock up your money so he doesn't blow it on that sports car before the "end"
erinnrose 9
I would've just fell asleep.
MURIKKA 11
Come to think of it, all of the bankers I know flip out every time they see someone wearing a wedding band..... MY GOD HE'S RIGHT!!!!!
mal2012 4
Heeee might slightly be tellin the truth! Movies are subliminal... This is NOT an FML
SluggerJ 7
Your ******
dasgaytaco 1
You're*
duckiegirl21 10
Next time insert headphones and nod your head to whatever he is saying.