Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML
Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML
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Top comments
eggmarie 25
He is clearly right.
olpally 33
*jeopardy music plays* while waiting for this first comment to get modded.
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Comments (161)
Nightmare998 0
Wow! How deep did he look into those movies? I could never come up with that from lord of the rings!
csheffer07 1
Seriously?!? Your dad is having a hard time right now the least you could do is quite whining like a little bitch and listen to what he has to say! Your gonna wish one day you weren't so judgmental of him!
Exatonne 1
Your father is a visionary. I wouldn't doubt the connection between the 2. This world is a hellhole after all.
Navyboy_Prevo02 0
Well scientists said they change their minds about the end of the world and changed the date to august 16...wtf?!! Lame
HeartOfLead 24
I see his been watching some Lord of the Rings and some Nostradomas Effect.
kennethseet 2
TRUE STORY
pigbilly 0
And you're not willing to help him?
jmcr 27
He sounds nuts sorry but he is should get him some serious help
dcmtnbkr 1
he should meet my father in law. the guy is convinced Mitt Romney is the anti Christ
DizzyO2 3
We're still here and it's 2016 I hope he didn't die on Dec 2012