Intimacy: Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend...

By embarrassed niece - United States - Cumming

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

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33776

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Intimacy

Rock, hard place

DINOSAURS!!

Can they do that?

By diggingaplotforone - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

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By maxus - United States

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

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By QuinnyZebrass - United States - Laveen

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

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By StickyWicket

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

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1956

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By stinkyhair - United States

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

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35742

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wainuiomata

My new house

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

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By lemonchips - Norway

Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML

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By emergency - Canada

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

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22170

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By mortifying - United Kingdom - Harlow

Skinny girl

Today, I started playing footsie with the girl I like next to me in Biology. Turns out it was the table leg. FML

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559

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By getmoneyab - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

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9780

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By Ouch

Today, I learned that bees like to get out of the hot sun, too. And that they do this by crawling into people's bed sheets. I also learned that these bees don't like it when you go to lay down in your own bed. They don't like it at all. Now it hurts to put weight on my right butt cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1654

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311

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By fatto - Sweden

Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1609

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By missblue97 - United States

Today, my dad asked my step-mom if he could get some booty before bed because he still had energy. He didn't realize I was still in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10522

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By teea - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, my boyfriend and I cleaned his parents' whole house while they were out, just to be nice. When they came home, they assumed we only did it because we'd made some huge mess that we needed to hide. I'm now banned from their house. FML

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29358

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2549

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By deez_nutz - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

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91448

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

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61735

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By ohyey - Norway

Dead bed

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

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33086

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By AccidentalToiletSpy

Today, in the bathroom at work, I heard two co-workers enter and begin a very private discussion. Not wanting to embarrass either of them, I figured I'd sit quietly until they left. Big mistake. They talked for an hour and a half. I couldn't feel my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2521

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838

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By footyfallout - Canada

Today, I finished writing the most perfect love letter for this girl at summer school. At the end of the letter I signed: Your secret admirer. Cute, right? Not really. Turns out I was so anxious to finish the letter that I ended up writing my name at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13117

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53504

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I was going to confess to my best friend that I am madly in love with her. I called her up only to find her crying. She was upset that she might be pregnant with some guy. FML

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38899

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By Anonymous

Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML

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525

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1561

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By Limalia - Switzerland

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38181

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10518

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By cherknobil

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw. The employees had to call 911. FML

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1659

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168

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 04:58

Scratch that itch

Today, I bought a $50 Nintendo eShop card to redeem on my Nintendo Switch. As I was scratching the grey area, I scratched too hard, making it hard to see what it was. I tried randomly guessing and asking for help. Neither helped. Guess who didn't get $50 back. FML

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388

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By Anonymous - Canada - Rosthern

Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML

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37133

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:01 - Canada

Stay at home

Today, after working several months through the pandemic at a medical clinic, my coworkers and I got a gift to thank us for our hard work during this time. Was it a raise or a bonus? Nah. Just a small Tupperware container. We were also told later on that all time-off requests were suspended until further notice. FML

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860

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By BOHICA123 - United States - Brighton

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

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45082

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By AM

Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML

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25482

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By CheatedOn - Romania

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

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28500

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By goodbye cruel world - United States - Salisbury

Today, I've been forced to start packing to go on a vacation with my parents, because they say I've been studying too hard and need a break. I've hardly studied at all and was planning on making up for it all in the time I had left before finals. I'm screwed. FML

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23381

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By JJ - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

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49375

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By familypet - United States - Vista

Today, I overheard my parents talking about our family pet. Or at least I thought they were, until my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I don't know why we keep her." Our dog is male. FML

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22513

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By thanks a lot mom - United States - Sloughhouse

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

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35043

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By bit_fluff - 20/10/2020 02:01

Splashed out

Today, I decided to redye my hair. And the sink, and the wall, and the toilet seat, and the tub. FML

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449

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By A-64 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

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30295

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By 1940s wants their attitude back - 29/9/2020 20:01 - United States

Thanks ma

Today, I excitedly told my mom how I got accepted to the master’s program of my dreams. She decided now would be a good time to proudly repeat for the millionth time how she gave up a full ride to the Ivy League to marry my father, and I ought to be a "good woman" and do the same. FML

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1537

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By bym

Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML

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56575

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a new laptop for Christmas. The picture on the box showed a woman balancing it on one finger to show how light it was, so I tried it myself. I dropped my laptop, breaking the hard drive and putting a massive crack down the screen. FML

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8010

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By trick or not treat - France

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

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37292

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By Donezoo - United States

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

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20571

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Top comments

By assassinbanana0 | 20

#5572726 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:36

Be lucky your aunt wasn't in your closet

By isallwaysme | 27

#5572732 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:37

why didn't she turn off her baby monitor instead of listening to you two.

COMMENTS

By assassinbanana0 | 20

#5572726 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:36

Be lucky your aunt wasn't in your closet

apaloosa_fml_fml | 21

#5572766 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:54

And holding a cake, that could've been awkward!

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5572823 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 23:46

What cake?? The cake is a lie!

KeXu | 6

#5572843 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 0:15

You're right, 1 and 16. That would make a good FML.

green2go | 14

#5572845 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 0:18

Please let that be sarcasm

JimmyRustle25 | 6

#5572864 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 0:23

Surprise!

aimee0027 | 17

#5572883 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 0:32

She's referring to another FML 34

fareith | 15

#5573678 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 13:41

Am I the only one who is wondering why they did this in the baby's room? Kinky

VentingToRandoms | 8

#5573778 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 16:06

LOL I remember that post. #1 ftw

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5576694 - Friday 12 July 2013 12:30

73. "Baby's room" was probably their room first and still.

By Ultimawolf25 | 19

#5572727 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:36

Those monitors can be very dangerous! Who knows what else others have heard! Poor them...

By isallwaysme | 27

#5572732 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:37

why didn't she turn off her baby monitor instead of listening to you two.

MsConfusedd | 27

#5572749 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:45

Well if she's not getting any, she might as well enjoy the show!

assassinbanana0 | 20

#5572752 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:48

I'm pretty sure she didn't enjoy hearing her niece have a "satisfying encounter" with her boyfriend

zinoxity | 23

#5572813 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 23:33

Yeah because everyone enjoys listening to their family members getting off...

Smoldering | 15

#5573119 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 4:18

Some people like to listen

zandalee | 19

#5573320 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 7:38

And some people should be taken away in padded vans...

wolfgold2 | 20

#5573869 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 17:10

and some people like to join...

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5576695 - Friday 12 July 2013 12:31

and some take notes.

By beehardxcore | 26

#5572733 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:37

Proof that you know what causes a need for baby monitors! Was it at least just an audio monitor, or one of those newfangled video ones? Either way, FYL!!