Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend...

By embarrassed niece - 9/7/2013 16:15 - United States - Cumming

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

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Intimacy

Reliable

Healthy relationship

All for nothing

By Gaylord - 28/4/2016 02:17 - United States - Aspers

Today, I realized that my somewhat flamboyant behavior may have given people the wrong impression when my classmate tried to set me up with one of her male friends. I've been trying to work up the courage to ask her out all semester. FML

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By InvAzn - 14/12/2017 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML

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By comics over coatis - 4/4/2017 12:00

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with superglue. FML

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By Parade - 28/2/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, I was on the bus, it hit a bump on the road and made me hit a elderly man. The bus driver thought I did it on purpose and made me get off. FML

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By hahahano - 24/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

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By lovehaterelationship - 10/3/2014 18:43 - Austria - Graz

Today, I had to study for an important test but I could barely focus because my roommate had his music blasting at full volume. Since we get along well, I decided to put up with it. I just found out he forgot to turn it off and left over 6 hours ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2015 15:31 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML

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By Tennisplayer - 10/2/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

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By John - 19/5/2011 04:27

Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML

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By sen - 19/2/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

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By CP slave - 11/9/2019 06:02 - United States

Entitled

Today, a man yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity when I told him his child wasn't tall enough to ride a roller coaster. His daughter was about 3 years-old. The coaster is the second tallest in the world. I deal with morons like this every day, at minimum wage. FML

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By Porkchop05 - 6/9/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

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By Ramis182 - 3/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

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By missseloit3 - 13/3/2018 19:00

Today, I met a nice guy who wanted to chat. I didn't want to be the bitchy type and throw him the "I have a boyfriend" line right away, so I conversed with him. When he asked was I single I, of course, said no. He yelled at me and made a huge scene about me leading him on. FML

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By beautyschool22 - 11/6/2012 23:39 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

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By JB - 7/12/2011 14:29 - United States

Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML

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By Lespoon - 25/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

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By AndieApocalypse - 3/6/2011 04:21 - United States

Today, I was complimented on my hat by two different people. I wasn't wearing a hat. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2013 10:52 - United States

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

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By chevygirl51 - 28/5/2014 21:12 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

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By noquiero - 21/6/2012 18:13 - United Kingdom - Peterlee

Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 23:25 - United States

Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML

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By Andrew - 24/11/2011 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML

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By - 2/2/2020 18:00

Don't worry dad

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

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By Hellasboy - 1/8/2015 16:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

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By Noname - 20/2/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 05:02

And probably giggling

Today, I realized our cat has a sixth sense for when he wants to be seen. When we don't care where the cat is, he's within plain sight. When we lose track of him and are in a panic worrying if he got out, he's hiding. FML

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By Stupendous_ - 3/12/2012 07:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

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By musicgod123 - 29/12/2010 16:56 - France

Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML

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By swallowsafly - 8/6/2019 04:00

Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML

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By Teen - 24/1/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

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By chloecamp - 15/7/2014 03:35 - United States - Ellington

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

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By NotFunny - 24/9/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step dad asking him if he can drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I see him drive by the bus stop pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML

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By cavgirl - 12/4/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him he turns and says "not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2009 16:18 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML

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By pda - 25/8/2013 02:46 - United States - Short Hills

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

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By anonymous - 14/6/2012 14:54 - China - Nanjing

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

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By idontgetit - 12/6/2012 23:39 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

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By notinterested - 13/9/2011 10:11 - United States

Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML

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Top comments

By assassinbanana0 | 20

#5572726 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:36

Be lucky your aunt wasn't in your closet

By isallwaysme | 27

#5572732 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:37

why didn't she turn off her baby monitor instead of listening to you two.

COMMENTS

By assassinbanana0 | 20

#5572726 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:36

Be lucky your aunt wasn't in your closet

apaloosa_fml_fml | 21

#5572766 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:54

And holding a cake, that could've been awkward!

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5572823 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 23:46

What cake?? The cake is a lie!

KeXu | 6

#5572843 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 0:15

You're right, 1 and 16. That would make a good FML.

green2go | 14

#5572845 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 0:18

Please let that be sarcasm

JimmyRustle25 | 6

#5572864 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 0:23

Surprise!

aimee0027 | 17

#5572883 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 0:32

She's referring to another FML 34

fareith | 15

#5573678 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 13:41

Am I the only one who is wondering why they did this in the baby's room? Kinky

VentingToRandoms | 8

#5573778 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 16:06

LOL I remember that post. #1 ftw

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5576694 - Friday 12 July 2013 12:30

73. "Baby's room" was probably their room first and still.

By Ultimawolf25 | 19

#5572727 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:36

Those monitors can be very dangerous! Who knows what else others have heard! Poor them...

By isallwaysme | 27

#5572732 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:37

why didn't she turn off her baby monitor instead of listening to you two.

MsConfusedd | 27

#5572749 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:45

Well if she's not getting any, she might as well enjoy the show!

assassinbanana0 | 20

#5572752 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:48

I'm pretty sure she didn't enjoy hearing her niece have a "satisfying encounter" with her boyfriend

zinoxity | 23

#5572813 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 23:33

Yeah because everyone enjoys listening to their family members getting off...

Smoldering | 15

#5573119 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 4:18

Some people like to listen

zandalee | 19

#5573320 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 7:38

And some people should be taken away in padded vans...

wolfgold2 | 20

#5573869 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 17:10

and some people like to join...

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5576695 - Friday 12 July 2013 12:31

and some take notes.

By beehardxcore | 26

#5572733 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 22:37

Proof that you know what causes a need for baby monitors! Was it at least just an audio monitor, or one of those newfangled video ones? Either way, FYL!!