By thewhompingwillow - 01/09/2012 17:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks 38 850
You deserved it 11 939

Same thing different taste

Top comments

loserboii 11

So your seizures & masturbations look the relatively similiar I assume¿


HelloGuys 4

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
JackeeDawn 9

I think it would have been more awkward if our dog would have just stayed there and watched you for a while then decided to bark at your penis.

ricerboy 0

Bleeding? That doesnt even make sense. Why would the dog think he is bleeding?

I think 1 is talking about a certain "white" fluid.

I think 1 mistook OP for a girl. Well news flash for all blind folks out there who rush to 1st comment without thinking to even look at the poster's gender, dig yourself a hole and bury ourself in it, the FML community will then be freed from such idiots.

Last I checked, you don't bleed when you have a seizure. Also, a dog trained to detect seizures would not be able to tell even if OP was bleeding.

22- Why exactly did you put "white" in quotation marks?

So that all the other people would get it

Dog are color blind so they might not recognize the difference between blood and the semen

HelloGuys 4

Ok ill explain wut was goin through my idiotic head at the momment this comment was posted (i read it wrong and i rushed to 1st) nuff said.

Can't you have a seizure, then not remember it? You were probably just choking the chicken, but what if you started seizing with your meat in your hands? On a side note: who lets their pets watch them **********?......

People with medical conditions that could kill them if they hit their head while seizing ....

Your dog was in the room while you masturbated? with the door open so that he could run out and get your family? If only there were a third button that said "It's your fault, but FYL."

peachyFML 17
musicluvr2000 11

51- thank you for clearing that up because we would have been extremely confused if you hadn't done so. Note the sarcasm.

Stoopid_life 2

Dogs are color blind to certain colors yes but they still easily tell red I do believe so yes they can differentiate semen and blood unless your urethra or something is bleeding. And some people don't care if their pets see them masturbating because there's nothing wrong with masturbating and some people live in 1 room appt or just don't close doors cuz they live alone.

Or the fact that blood and semen smell totally different. To a dog it is very noticeable.

iXTMAstro 6

92- i guess, but to me theres a difference between "ydi" and "its your fault".

At least your dog knows what hes doing! Its better to have a working than lazy dog

Agreed. Better embarrassed than dead. Thats my motto

loserboii 11

So your seizures & masturbations look the relatively similiar I assume¿

So you typed your ? while doing a handstand I assume¿

Psych101 9

32- I believe 30 was referring to 24's profile picture. 30 was saying she was touching the button that says "Do Not Touch."

Gangnam style! And that was your random comment of the day.

61- that vid is getting even more famous. A girl in my dorm just showed me and six other people at home know it. Weird. Lol thumb me down but I got really excited. (sexyyy ladiesss....gangnam style) Also, open condom store.

MikeMikeTheAzn 3

It sounds like PSY is saying CUMDUMPSTA the whole time.

stormer461 13

Do you ********** with an open door while your parents are in the house? How could the dog get in or out otherwise?

I would assume that there would at least be doggy doors just so at night if he has a seizure the dog has easy access to leave.

stormer461 13

That's what I was thinking after I posted. I would get weirded out anyway if my dog watched me whack it.

Some people also have a rope attached to the door so the dogs can tug them open.

Well the dog is probably supposed to be with him at all times. What if he had a seizure with the door closed while the dog was in the other room

Some doors can just be pushed open also...

Service dogs are trained in many tasks. Some of which include opening and closing doors when need be. I supposing that what happened.

Well he is doing his job... Still don't get how the dog got out of the room

Technically he is not doing his job. His job is to warn when he's having a seizure not masturbating.

And you didn't even stop to think that the dog might be doing his job but that it was OP who was doing it wrong? I've heard that some masturbation sessions can be quite... Moving.

Watch a real female ******. Then watch a seizure. One might be wayyyy more beautiful but a dog can't tell

21- some people look like they're having a seizure when they **********.

Why would he be masturbating with a dog in his room? Show some respect for your best friend :(

youjustmademelol 4

21- really I thought OP was telling about how his dog gave him a lifesaving experience. Thabkyou fo clearing that up though!

When your specially trained dog thinks a seizure and masturbation is the same thing your doing it all wrong

Do it in the bathroom next time while "dropping a deuce" you won't get interrupted that way.

Has seizure on toilet, hits head on tub/sink , bleeds out. I'm sure they've thought it out and put a dog door in or something

OhDearBetrayal 25

I actually found this comment amusing. Imagine if all seizures stopped when you went to the bathroom so that you could do your business and then as soon as you walk out you land on the floor. It would be like a time out zone.

Brilliant idea. you should market that as an alternative to seizure medication.

OhDearBetrayal 25

110- I was actually talking about how it would be if it was a natural thing.

AlaskaKid95 7

lesson learned: dont ********** infront of the dog.

youjustmademelol 4

The dog constantly follows him, in the shower while sleeping, and is taken everywhere, being without the dog us dangerous, what if you had a seizure when it was not there?

10 - Here's another lesson: infront is not a word.