Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard that she had a seizure and passed out. FML
Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, my dad had a seizure just after taking his anti-seizure medicine and having been seizure-free for two and a half months. Did I mention I was pooping while my poor dad was having this? I ran out with my pants around my ankles, due to my stepmom flipping out, screaming at me to find the phone (which she found). FML
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML
Today, I had a seizure for the first time in months. My fiancé went over to my job to let them know I wouldn't be going in. My boss bitched both of us because I didn't call myself. Sure, I'll get right on that when I'm conscious. FML
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Top comments
COOL__Coal 12
I think you may be doing it wrong.
loserboii 11
So your seizures & masturbations look the relatively similiar I assume¿
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Comments (146)
Krirn 21
He was just trying to get you to put it away, it's what dogs do you know, hide bones.
geko911 22
Actually a penis is not a bone... But you know what Mr.Chan, you would know better than me!
EveryManHasAJenn 2
I'm sure "Mr. Chan" meant bone as an a boner...
geko911 22
And I'm quite sure I was just jokingly taking his statement literally to correct him but... You wouldn't know better.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
If when you look like you're having a seizure when you **********, you're doing it incredibly wrong.
Means317 0
If you ********** with a dog in the room, your gonna have a bad time
iPeterPan 8
My only issue with this is that you jacked off with your dog in the room. I'd be scared he'd bite my dick. D:
rainbowteehee 6
It could be a girl...
I_lost_the_game 25
69- Apart from the fact there's a blue male symbol next to the FML.
TurquoiseJesus 15
Unless you had an overly aggressive dog, the dog buying your dick isn't really an issue. Not that I would know from personal experience or anything... >_>
lil_ham1644 29
Lol there's a possibility of dogs buying penises now?
Badpesci 10
Were you doing the hobo-trying-to-keep-warm technique?
COOL__Coal 12
Or the squid?
klx125cross 9
R u really in that much pain?
TeslaFreak 2
Smart dog. Don't ever have sex with him aroud!!! Or for that matter don't ever have sex if you look like you are having a seizure.
bReLiNg 18
Oi, that'd be a lonely life just because he's a little crazy looking when he's doing the deed.
astralvagan 20
Perhaps he thought you were having a seizure because when people ejaculate, they often times act like they are seizing. He was probably just doing what he was trained to do
Poetic_Potion 4
At least he knows when your having a , so called "seizure" .
monpetitchevelle 4
Why were you masturbating in front of your dog in the first place?
MochiDango 4
Okay, I am sick of reading these comments. His dog is a service dog, the dog has been trained to stay beside him at all times other than to get help for him. Even though he was jerking off it doesn't mean that the dog wasn't supposed to be with him. What if he really did have a seizure while jerking off? The dog probably has access to every room in the house via doggy doors so he can get help. It sucks that OP's dog cut his jerking off a little short but the dog was just doing his job because some seizures can start off as someone just shaking or twitching and then escalate.
wruch 6
I think its cool that a dog can be trained to do that.