Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard that she had a seizure and passed out. FML
Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, my dad had a seizure just after taking his anti-seizure medicine and having been seizure-free for two and a half months. Did I mention I was pooping while my poor dad was having this? I ran out with my pants around my ankles, due to my stepmom flipping out, screaming at me to find the phone (which she found). FML
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML
Today, I had a seizure for the first time in months. My fiancé went over to my job to let them know I wouldn't be going in. My boss bitched both of us because I didn't call myself. Sure, I'll get right on that when I'm conscious. FML
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Top comments
COOL__Coal 12
I think you may be doing it wrong.
loserboii 11
So your seizures & masturbations look the relatively similiar I assume¿
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Comments (146)
Stoopid_life 2
Why was your dog in the room at the time?
Iniezian 18
OP was probably doing it right and the dog heard his cries of orgasmic delight and saw him shaking, so....
valleyshooter 8
I can't believe you people! Getting disgusted with op masturbating with the dog watching. I'm more offended he didn't use the dog to its full potential using peanut butter. It was a sick joke I know. I apologize to whom I may offend. Wait this is fml. Trololol 1 am messes with me. You know what I should I do to make myself sleep better while not getting busted with my pants down....TMI?
redtigerlily 5
Probably the fast movement coupled with what the dog recognizes as a weird sound made him suspicious, so he got help. At least it does it's job.
monnanon 14
I thought they could smell a chemical change before the seizure started, its like the animals that detect cancer, apparently they can smell it too.
Ambi_Sinistrous 5
Some day, you will have a real girlfriend/boyfriend who can be on seizure-watch instead of your dog so that you don't have to have the dog in the room. Just be patient. :)
charvisioku 22
That must have been one screamer of an ****** :')
Kenpotim 0
thank the dog and close the door.
xpheonix57 7
Well... At least we know he'll save you if you have a seizure.
Metallica36176 16
I see this as a boy who cried wolf kinda thing. Now every time the dog goes for help, no one will come thinking you're just having another 'moment'....