Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard that she had a seizure and passed out. FML
Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, my dad had a seizure just after taking his anti-seizure medicine and having been seizure-free for two and a half months. Did I mention I was pooping while my poor dad was having this? I ran out with my pants around my ankles, due to my stepmom flipping out, screaming at me to find the phone (which she found). FML
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML
Today, I had a seizure for the first time in months. My fiancé went over to my job to let them know I wouldn't be going in. My boss bitched both of us because I didn't call myself. Sure, I'll get right on that when I'm conscious. FML
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Top comments
COOL__Coal 12
I think you may be doing it wrong.
loserboii 11
So your seizures & masturbations look the relatively similiar I assume¿
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Comments (146)
UmmOkay91 0
lmfao..... maybe u looked like u having a seizure from jacking off.
OCDC 9
Nothing gets past you...
outoftown 27
Congrats on having a seizure dog, OP! Perhaps a call to the trainer for advice?
Woahkearawoah 3
While everyone else is commenting on OP masterbating hard enough to alert his dog, I'm sitting here wondering why he was doing it somewhere that his door was open so the dog could get out to get his parents............
frws1ayer 2
What did you name him? Jack?
Luisaaaaaah_ 3
At least your dog is innocent.
buca100 4
At least the dog responds well in what he/she perceives as an emergency scenario. That dog will save your life one day.
salamq 6
So what did your parents say/do?
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Sometimes ****** can resemble a seizure especially if its done right.
TurquoiseJesus 15
Hold on now. What you are trying to say is it's NOT normal to look like your having a seizure while masturbating??? Well dang, way to completely flip my universe upside down.
Sharkitaxrscary 12
I feel bad for the dog who had to witness it.